16+

Archer's Paradox Chapter 4: Stormy Night

Warning: This work has been rated 16+.

Perched precariously atop the roof of his house like an owl, Jay peered down upon the village, his eyes narrowing as he surveyed the quiet scene below. The night sky hovered above devoid of stars and moon, and shrouded in dark, stormy clouds.

As Jay’s vision swept across the village, he felt a chilling stillness that hung in the air, broken only by the howling of the wind and the faint trickling of the stream washing over its rocks. Shadows, elongated and distorted, wandered the landscape.

“Not an ideal night to be sightseeing out here, don’t you think?”

Jay turned around startled, an arrow half-drawn from his quiver. “Good grief, Dad. You can’t just sneak up on me like that!”

“Sorry, sorry, sorry,” the old, wrinkled man apologized. “I heard you went to the range after our little talk,” he continued, standing next to his son, gazing into the rumbling sky. “How’d it go?”

“I still got it... kind of...” Jay said hesitantly, running his fingers through his beard. “At least this time I actually fired a few instead of just freaking out and running away, y’know?”

“It helps to have someone to answer to when you’re trying to get through something tough,” his father replied. “Katie asked if she could stay the night. The hut she used to stay in occasionally was severely damaged by the floods last week.”

Jay gazed up at the stormy sky, the grey clouds threatening to open and unleash a torrent of rain on the village below. “Of course. She can stay as long as she wants to.”

His father smiled. “Don’t worry, I’ll get the spare bedroom ready and make some dinner. It’s getting late.”

“As soon as she’s in, lock the doors and shut the windows,” Jay said firmly. “In a few hours, it’ll be February 14th... Valentine’s Day...”

“I see,” his father said solemnly, a sudden aura of gloom descending on them. “Will you be coming for dinner?”

Jay looked at his wristwatch. 7 pm... It’s still a while, he thought. “I’ll stay till nine. That’s when the village gets quiet.”

The old man grabbed his cane firmly and walked down the steps on the roof that led to the back entrance of the house.

Jay did not want Marty to divert resources from the city to guard the village when he could see pretty much the entire village from atop his rooftop.

From above, he spotted Katie approaching his house hugging her body to shield herself from the icy wind. Jay withdrew from his post, jumping off his roof and landing silently in his backyard moments before his father opened the door for their guest.

“Good evening, Kaitlyn,” his father greeted as he opened the door for their guest. “Come in, come in,” he ushered. “It’s quite stormy tonight.”

Returning his greeting with a smile, she entered Jay’s house, immediately gravitating towards the warmth of the fireplace. She neatened her blond hair that had been ruffled by the gusts of wind blowing throughout the village and stood awkwardly in the living room.

“Oh, please... Have a seat, Katie. My dad will bring dinner in a bit,” Jay said, inviting her to sit down on the comfortable couches. “What brings you to the village tonight? Usually, you spend the night in the city, don't you?”

Katie sighed. “Mom and Dad have been fighting... again. It’s kind of getting a tad intoxicating being around all that bickering and squabbling in the family. I really didn’t feel like going home to a screaming match between the two with my sister as the referee.”

“What about a hotel?” Jay asked. “Surely, you don’t want to spend time in such an ancient, technologically deprived village like this, right?”

“The minute I step out of my house, I’m swarmed with reporters and journalists asking stupid and irrelevant questions. When you give them answers they don’t like, they twist them into answers they do. I can’t hear myself think in that city. This is quiet... it's nice.”

Jay knew the White family had great influence on the economy of the city being the most successful family business in their industry, but he had not once considered them celebrities.

“Sounds like you’re quite the celebrity.”

Katie looked into the fireplace, her eyes engrossed by the dancing flames. “Unfortunately. Things used to be a lot better a few years back. We used to live separate lives and the only time we’d ever get together was for business events. Ever since The Ghost raided our mansion ten years ago, Dad forced us all to live under one roof for safety.

“After that, we made a concerted effort to be seen in the public eye. If we were put under the spotlight constantly, perhaps we’d make ourselves a more difficult target for The Ghost. So far, it’s worked. Looks like he disappeared after that incident.”

“It would seem so,” Jay replied, attempting to conceal the appearance of his apparition and the resurfacing guilt that came with it. “Were you there during the raid on the mansion?”

“No,” Katie said softly. “My brother was, though. He was everyone’s favorite. He didn’t deserve to die the way he did.”

Jay shifted uncomfortably in his seat.

“What a coincidence!” the playful voice of the Ghost said. "One of our finest kills if I do say so myself."

“Was he part of the twenty people killed?” Jay blurted out in an effort to receive confirmation. “By the Ghost, of course.”

Katie’s brow furrowed for a second. “Uhm... yes. Yes, he was... Sadly.”

“Dinner’s ready!” an elderly voice boomed from the other side of the living room. “Eat up before it all gets cold. We don’t have all the electricity in the world like the city. We’re working off meters here,” he remarked as he placed the steaming lasagne on the table along with three ceramic plates.

Jay and Katie rose from their seats, dropping the current conversation. Jay’s expression fell blank as he attempted to hide the wave of remorse that had hit him. Fortunately, he didn’t need to say much as Katie’s mouth was far too busy chewing to do anything else.

“This lasagne is so much better than the one we get!” she said before taking out a second serving into her plate. “Why aren’t you a world-renowned chef?”

His father chuckled. “Probably because it’s the only dish I can make properly. The rest, I just use a recipe book and hope it turns out well.”

“It does, most of the time,” Jay added. "He's just being modest, now."

Just as Jay picked up his fork to take a bite, his phone rang in his pocket. Dropping the fork, he slid it out.

Marty.

“Sorry,” he apologized, rising from the table and stepping outside the house. “I have to take this.”

“Hello? Jay?” Marty asked as soon as Jay picked up.

“Yeah. What’s the situation?”

“We’re setting up. You?”

“I’ll take watch around nine. That’s lights out for the village usually. If Cupid is going to set up here, I’ll catch him.”

“You sure you don’t need help?”

Jay stroked his beard. “No, I’ll be fine. I know the village like the back of my hand. If everyone is inside, there’s only a handful of places the archer can sit if they stand any chance of killing someone. Bows aren’t positionally versatile weapons. They’re bulky in comparison to a knife or a handgun.”

There was a long silence on the other end. “Okay. As long as you know what you’re doing. I wanted to tell you that we’re locking down the city now. We do have one problem, though.”

“What’s that?” Jay asked warily.

“Both the White and Davidson families are missing a member who should be on their premises tonight. They’re unreachable.”

“Shit...” Jay whispered. “Of all the damn nights to go missing...”

“Jay, these guys can literally drop the economy from hero to zero if their wealth falls into the hands of a syndicate. Their dubious business dealings and the backs they've scratched to land those deals make it very likely. Ipso facto, they are incredibly high-value targets. Names are Kaitlyn White and Arthur Davidson.”

Jay turned to look at Katie sitting at the table laughing with his father. “Kaitlyn is with me at the village. She’s safe.”

“And Arthur?”

“Check the bars or pubs. If he’s anything like he was a decade ago, he’s probably there drinking with his gang.”

“Okay, thanks a lot, mate.”

Jay could hear Marty’s heavy breathing. He was clearly tired or stressed. “You okay, bud? You sound like you’re out of breath.”

Marty exhaled deeply. “I’m seriously trying to cover as many hotspots as I can, but I can't do every inch. To be honest, Jay. I’m just waiting for someone to die so I’ve got something to work with tomorrow morning. Is that cruel?”

Jay chuckled at his friend’s honest innocence. “No, Marty. It’s called being realistic. ‘Cruel’ is if you didn’t bother to try.”

“Fair enough, good sir. Fair enough,” Marty replied. Jay could hear the smile on Marty’s face just from his choice of words. That was enough to make him smile in return.

“I’ll call tomorrow, okay?” Marty said finally. “But you might need to come to the crime scene. I don’t think I’ll get authorization to remove the arrow from the crime scene and bring it to the village.”

“Sure thing, bud. I’ll pop in to check it out. Cheers!”

Returning the greeting, Marty cut the call and Jay returned to the table. He checked his wristwatch. He still had some time. It was enough to finish his dinner and set up on his roof.

“I’ve got to go in a bit,” Jay said apologetically. His father glared at him. “After I eat, of course.”

“Much better,” he chuckled releasing Jay from his death stare.

“Where are you going?” Katie asked, raising her eyebrow. “It’s eight already. Shouldn’t you just do it tomorrow?”

He couldn’t say he was helping Marty. Only more questions would arise from that. He couldn’t say he was running an errand or going to shoot some arrows or even going to the pub since it was pitch dark outside. There was one thing he could say...

“There is a tradition in this village where we go and place a Valentine’s Day card and a few roses on the riverbed that runs through the center of the village. If they accept your card, they’ll take it home and sprinkle the path to their house with the petals of the rose you left for them.”

“Oh,” Katie said, lowering her gaze as a result of Jay's glare of death bearing down on her, daring her to elaborate. “I see. Good luck, though.”

His father cleared his throat.

He broke his iron gaze and smiled. “As you can see, I’m going to collect my card and sprinkle my petals.”

“He says that every year. I’ll tell you one thing for sure, Katie... If he’s really been collecting cards and sprinkling petals, I have no clue where he’s leading them, ’cause it ain’t here,” his father chuckled.

Jay rolled his eyes before opening the door, a cold gust of wind sweeping through the house immediately. "Whatever, Dad."

Jay reclaimed his position atop the roof of his house, seeking comfort in the quiet night. The torches lit alongside the river illuminated the village in preparation for Valentine’s Day. He found a comfortable spot near the edge, overlooking the houses and the distant silhouette of the water tower. He spotted Alex placing his rose and a card on the riverbed and anchoring it with a stone to prevent the wind from blowing it away. Jay smiled and watched the boy scurry back to his hut.

As he settled down, his mind swirling with thoughts, The Ghost materialized beside him, a smug grin on his face. “Ah, the guilty conscience returns,” The Ghost sneered. “You should really avoid quiet, dark places if you want to avoid me, you know?”

Jay’s face grew tense, a mixture of guilt and sorrow etched across his features. “Come to mock me, have you? Come on then. Twist the knife.”

The Ghost laughed. “Not as easy as you thought, is it?”

“What is?”

“Redemption, of course!” The Ghost said as if it was a matter of fact. “That is what all this is about, isn’t it?” He walked closer to Jay. “Or is it all just a big excuse for you to absolve yourself of guilt?”

Jay clenched his fists, his knuckles turning white. “I’m not trying to absolve myself of anything! I’m trying to make amends...”

The Ghost leaned closer, his eyes twinkling with malice. “Amends? Do you think a simple apology can erase the pain, the loss? Imagine if your beloved father died tonight to Cupid and a few years later he turns up at your doorstep, arrows and all, with a simple 'sorry, but don't worry I'm done for good now'. What would you do?” His hallucination chuckled. “Oh, don’t worry, you poor, pitiful thing! As long as you regret it and you promise not to do it again with the rest of my family, you’re all forgiven!”

Jay rolled his eyes. "I know that's not how it works, but what other option do I have?"

"Well, you can start off by accepting who you are and going down to that basement, grabbing some arrows and a bow, and putting the mask back on," the Ghost suggested nonchalantly.

"I'm not doing that. If that's all you're going to say to me like a broken record then you're not convincing; you're just annoying."

"Fine. My job is not to tell you what you want to hear but what you need to hear and what you need to hear won't change unless you change. That's all I ever was." The Ghost climbed down the ladder and disappeared from his sight, a ripple of his voice drifting away in Jay's mind. "Think on that smartass."

Jay continued to survey the area as the Ghost disappeared from his conscience... For now.

"Finally. Some peace and quiet."

***

5:00 am

Jay’s phone buzzed in his pocket. “Marty. Please give me some good news.”

“It happened. Not just one. Three murders, all killed by arrows.”

“Shit,” Jay whispered. “I thought there’d only be one.”

“Same here. I’ll send you the address?”

“No nonsense, right?”

“No nonsense. Just in and out. Give us what you can and you won’t see me until Cupid’s behind bars.”

As the first streaks of dawn painted the horizon, the sunrise clawed its way above the horizon. Blood-red streaks stretched across the heavens.

The city in the distance appeared draped in mourning, its charm extinguished. The air hung heavy and the usual singing of birdsong was silenced. The sunrise, far from its usual promise of hope and radiance, cast an eerie light upon the skyscrapers of the city.

Jay squinted as he looked toward the city with a new set of eyes. A shiver he hadn’t felt in years crawled up his spine at the mere thought of returning to that city of demons and devils.

Jay exhaled, his breath forming a white cloud before him. “I’ll be there at eight.”

Questions (optional btw)

1. Is the appearance of Jay's hallucination happening too often to the point where it's distracting you from the story?

2. The last part of the chapter skips about eight hours or so. Do you think the chapter could have benefitted from additional tension I could have built up to the point of the murder or would it just be redundant?

Comments & reviews · 2
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Kaia
Review
Kaia wrote a review · Tue Jul 04, 2023 2:40 pm

Hello! I have arrived. :)

Let's get into it. This chapter went by like a breeze. Even though I read it between to days as I have a lot of trouble focusing on reading for a long period of time, I felt like this chapter was really well paced. I really like how Katie trusts Jays family enough to stay with them even though as far as I know there aren't any blood bond between them. This really shows how respectable Jays family is in the eyes of others. That makes it all the sadder that Jay has ruined this good reputation.

Additionally, I love how the Ghost appears and haunts Jays mind. He sneers at Jay and tells him to stop being all alone if he expects peace. A wonderful companion I must say. (Pardon me, I'm being sarcastic)

I also want to comment on your description. I could totally picture the scene with Jay and his father. Your really good at describing weather and scenery. And I must say that for a slower-paced scene like that you used the perfect amount of description. Nicely done. You put a very clear mental image in my brain without it requiring much effort on my part.

Additionally, I really like that you keep bringing back details about your characters to help remind the reader what a character looks like. I have not forgotten Jays black beard or Katie's blond hair. You always manage to fit those descriptions in at the perfect places. But I would like to know a bit more about what Jays father looks like. I know hes pretty elderly a can be seen from Jays age, but I'd like to know just a bit more. Same with Marty.

Answers to your questions...
1. I think it's perfect how you have it. I definitely wouldn't let it happen more than once in each chapter, though. But having it occur as frequently as it does really drives home the point that Jay is really struggling with his past. I like that you have it come frequently. :)

2. I don't think you should add anything more. My reason for saying this is that the earlier part of the chapter is at a nice slow pace, which was fine, given the length of the scene. But, if you drew that out longer, you'd dramatically slow the pace and readers like myself prefer faster paces.
Additionally, I really like how suddenly the news about the deaths comes about. It really surprised me and jolted me unexpectedly but in a good way.

But here's my critique on that. Add more description before Jays phone buzzes. How is Jay sitting or standing. What is he thinking? This can really help ease the jolt between the two scenes and also allow the reader to catch up on what happened during the 8 hrs they missed.

Like, if this scene were mine to write, I'd have Jay out somewhere in nature gazing out at the sunset, fearful thoughts streaking his thoughts. Id put a lot of quick details about how he is sitting etc. and try to show that he's been out there for a while and is still quite anxious but also getting tired. You can show he's weary by having him lean against something.

Just some suggestions. I may have even gotten your place setting for that scene wrong, but you should be able to get the idea.

3. Kaitlyn may be spelled either way. There are multiple spellings for that name. But Kaitlyn is a legitimate spelling. Technically Kassie is supposed to e spelled with a C but I chose to spell it with a K as my name starts with a K and Microsoft Word suggested it to me. So I guess there might be some people who spell it like that? I don't know. The point is, spell it as you'd like. There really isn't a rule book for how names should be spelled. Some people spell Michael like Mikel or Mikkel. So, yeah. (But for the purpose of I Knew "Mikel" is not pronounced like "Michael."

Anyways, enough rambles. I hope you find this review helpful and if you have any questions lemme know. :)

I think that the hallucination is a good addition to the story. It’s not distracting. I think that the chapter leading up to the news about Cupid doesn’t need any added tension. It depends on how you want to spell Kaitlyn. You can use C or K. The hallucination helps Jay know that the road to redemption will be a harrowing journey with full commitment.

I hope that you will have a wonderful day/night.



The best and most beautiful things in the world can not be seen or even touched - they must be felt with the heart.
— Helen Keller