Young Writers Society

Hi Veki,

Welcome to YWS!

I have a couple of points to make here, most of which agree with jaspercat's review below. There are plenty of articles and handy references linked on the front page of this site that you can use for things like grammar. I won't go through this in too much detail but be aware of your capitalisation and also your spacing.

There should always be a space after a period or a comma, but not before. When you use !, one is sufficient and there is no need to add a period after this.

There are also a few cases here where you need to check your tenses and sentence conjugation. For example:

However , those were not properly fit

should be 'those did not properly fit' or 'those did not fit properly'. Saying it out loud can help with things like this.

Also, think about the pacing of the piece. You go a way to building up suspense, but because the pace is so sped up it doesn't allow the reader to feel the same suspense. Perhaps try to slow it down in the middle.

I hope this has given you some helpful pointers - please feel free to ask if you want more details or you'd like me to review once you've edited


Icy

Hey there Veki
Jaspercat here to leave you a review.

I got Scared and thought

The underlined word here should be lowercased as it is not a proper noun.

escape from there any how. <-this should be one word, not two.

I just started running but couldn’t manage the direction but it was definitely not towards my home.

Avoid using 'but' more than once in a single sentence. Especially when you're using it to connect two different ideas. My suggestion to you would to be working on rewriting the sentence

I just wanted to ran away

Wrong tense here. The underlined word should be changed to 'run.'

I kept off my shoes in some turning streets thought to get it once will return .

Not going to lie here, for the most part this entire story is confusing but this line in general is particularly confusing to me. I'm assuming you're trying to say that the character decided to take of their shoes and stash them somewhere he could go back for them. Please tell me if that's right.

I didnt realize that how far I came along , didn’t keep the track of time even

Your readers can assume that the speaker lost track of time. You don't have to tell us.

in order to getting away from the ghost

I think the whole ghost thing is just supper sudden. While I was reading this I thought it would be some other person who was following your reader. I don't know why but to find out that it's a ghost just feels a bit weird to me.

Ok so overall (for me at least) this story was a tad bit confusing. The way it was written is all over the place and there are quite a few grammatical errors. I suggest reading your story out loud to yourself or even to someone else to see where the errors are and to see where the sentences don't make sense. You have an interesting idea here it just needs a bit of work.

The second thing I want to mention has to do with punctuation. First, I noticed that throughout the entire story you added an extra space before and after your punctuation. That is completely unnecessary. You only have to add a space after you place a form of punctuation down. With the extra spaces it makes your piece look unclean and unprofessional so be careful about that. Second, I also noticed that at the end of the story you had both a period and multiple exclamation points together. Thing is you only need one or the other and if you decided to use the exclamation point then you should only use one.

Other then that I don't think I have anything else to say. I hope I helped, even a little. If you have any questions you are more then welcomed to ask. Good luck and continue writing.