Published October 1, 2010
The Lord above created you for me to love
He picked me out of all the rest
Because he knew I would love you best
Take care oh my heart as I have done
Because you have two and I have none
If I should die before you do
In heaven I will wait for you
If your not there on judgment day
I'll throw away my wings
Golden halo and other things
And just to prove my love is true
I'll go to hell and wait for you
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140,903 Literary Works • 673,706 Reviews
Hey everyone. My name is Kaliko Trapp. I'm new to this forum and been researching a few songs based around some old poems from the 50s/60s.
This poem you have here ("True Love" by "Veiyloxx") is certainly not original, as pointed out by a couple of other commenters in this thread. It follows the trend around the internet of re-writing some previous versions of the poem with just a few changes here and there to make it appear original. Kind of like a “mash-up” I suppose.
I have been looking for the “original” of this poem for this past few days.
There was a shortlived doo-wop group in the 1950s called "The Orchids" lead by songwriter Gilbert Warren. In 1955, The Orchids released “You Have Two (I Have None)” as a single under the Parrot label. (You can find the song on YouTube.) Anyway, the first part of Veiyloxx's poem comes from that song. Now, perhaps Warren got it from someone else, but nevertheless, his came out in 1955. Here’s the version by The Orchids:
The Orchids - possibly written by Gilbert Warren (lead)
“You Have Two (I Have None)”
1955
I love you baby from the bottom of my heart
You’re the only girl that ever made me do my part
Don’t ya know (that) God above
He made you for me to love
He picked you out from all the rest
Because He knew our love’s best
I had a heart and it was true
But now it’s gone from me to you
Take care of it as I have done
For you have two and I have none
Say that you love me tell me that you care
Yes I had a heart and it was true
But now it’s gone from me to you
Take care of it as I have done
For you have two and I have none
As Snoink correctly pointed out, there is also “Dearest Darling” credited to Ellas Mcdaniel and recorded in 1958 by Bo Diddley. I have a feeling that maybe Mcdaniel took the Warren song and added to it either from his own hand or else perhaps by taking some older “If you’re not there by Judgement Day”-type poem and tacking it on. You can find Bo Diddley’s song on YouTube of course. Here are the lyrics (from Musixmatch):
“Dearest Darling” - Ellas McDaniel / Bo Diddley
1958
Dearest darling …
Don't you know,
The Lord above,
Created you,
Just for me to love,
Picked you out,
From all the rest,
Because He knew I loved you best.
Dearest darling…
Dearest darling, take my hand, take my hand
I once had a heart,
So trill and true,
But now it's gone,
From me to you,
Take care of it,
Like I have done,
For you have two hearts,
And I have none.
Dearest darling…
If I get to heaven,
Before you do,
I'll try to make a hole,
And pull you thru.
Dearest... dearest... dearest.
If I go to heaven,
And you not there,
I'm gonna write your name,
On the heavenly stair,
If you aren't there,
By turn of day,
Then I know baby,
You know the way.
Dearest... dearest... dearest,
O sweet baby, o sweet baby...
Continuing on, what Veiyloxx is calling "True Love" was also in its main essence published by Hawaiian crooner Don Ho in 1966 under the title "Lover's Prayer". You can also find that song on YouTube, both in recorded and live versions. There are some minor variations in the wording; here is the Don Ho version:
“Lover’s Prayer” - Don Ho
1966
1. I do believe the Lord above
Created you for me to love
He picked you out from all the rest
Because he knew I’d love you best
2. I once had a heart and it was true
But now it’s gone from me to you
Take care of it as I have done
For you have two and I have none
3. If I go to heaven and you’re not there
I’ll write your name on the golden stair
If you’re not there by Judgement Day
I’ll know you went the other way
4. I’ll give the angels back their wings
Their golden harps and all those things
And just to prove my love is true
I’d go to Hell to be with you
What is interesting is that even though Don Ho got credit as the song writer, it seems obvious that he got a lot of it —if not all of it— from previous sources.
It was the last part of the Don Ho song which tied up the story with a clear and memorable ending: seemingly giving back what heaven had offered and bestowed on the speaker in order to go and be with the lover “down below”. I am not sure what Ellas Mcdaniel was really getting at with the end of the Bo Diddley-performed version; but the Don Ho version clears things up for me — for the most part.
A person by the name of Louis Smith in 1967 is credited with having written the following poem which, to me, is very helpful in interpreting the very last part, viz. “I’ll give the angels back MY wings / Golden harps and other things”:
“To Be With You”
1967
I do believe that God above
Picked you out for me to love.
Picked you out from all the rest
'Cause he knew l'd love you best.
I had a heart and it was true
But now it's gone from me to you.
Take care of it as I have done
For you have two and I have none.
If I go to Heaven and you're not there
I'll write your name on the golden chair.
If you're not there by Judgement Day
I'll know you've gone the other way.
I'll give the angels back my wings
Golden harps and other things.
Just to show you what l'd do
I'd go to Hell to be with you!
~~ Louis Smith (1969)
It sure seems similar to the Don Ho version. I wonder where Smith got his words from? The poem was published in “Insight”, the newsletter at Montgomery Medical & Psychological Institute, Inc. in Decatur, GA, USA.
Finally, there is another version of what Veiyloxx is claiming to be original in 2010. A poem entitled "I Believe" by Monica Steele and published in 2001 in "The Hilltop" (Howard University) says the following:
“I Believe”
2001
I believe that god above created you for me to love
He picked you out from all the rest because he knew I'd love you best
I had a heart and it was true but now it's gone from me to you
So take care of it as I have done cause now you have two and I have none
If I shall die and go up there
I'll write your name on a golden stair
And if your* not there on judgement day
I'll know you went the other way
I'll give the angels back their wings, the long white robes and everything
And just to prove that my love is true
I'll go to hell just TO BE WITH YOU...
—Monica Steele
*Most interesting is the same spelling mistake of "your" vs "you're" in the "Judgement Day" line which I will leave to you folks to use as a point of connection between Veiyloxx's version and Steele's version.
All very interesting. There are probably literally hundreds of versions of this poem and its parts spread out all over the internet, with each writer taking credit for their version in that moment. I wonder who the original creators of the two main parts were?
Does anyone else have more that can help trace the history of these two basic poems?
Try "Dearest Darling." Written in 1958.
Plagiarized. Locked.
Saw this back in October and I had this feeling bothering me. Now that I'm seeing this again I'd like to share the following:
"True"
Another poem
Very similar, but notice the "2003" for the year there.
Yahoo Answers Poem
Again, the same consistencies...
So either you're all of these people...or you're being copied. One by someone in the past, another by two different women, and then countless other versions of this. I don't think that any of those options are the case though.
I haven't found the exact original, but I'd say you are being very disingenuous to the origin of this work and not making it clear if you were inspired to make your own version. Nonetheless, I am not impressed that you're otherwise using a template and tweaking it and calling it your own and then prancing about on here like you're proven.
Get back on this forum and prove yourself to these very interesting finds, or continue using other people's work as your own. Regardless, your credibility is shot to hell. I guess that will keep you company waiting for your true love.
This really touches you in the soft spot.
I love this poem because it shows the true love and dedication for a person!
It's short but I love how the main idead isn't strung out.
It gets right to the love point.
-Libby
I enjoyed reading your poem, but I cannot call it great. You held my interest, but there was nothing truely special about it. I firmly believe, though, that you will one day make an excellent writer.
~TheManintheHat
Unbelievabe, so touching, so movin, i wish i could write poetry like that but im only good at Fiction stories and stuff. Love it, mader me almost cry
Great work
Sorry, Miss Mod. It's obvious though who was first to comment on a comment.
Anyway, back to the poem! I read it again. The only line I didn't like about it is the phrase "other things". It was ambiguous--could have meant a lot more if the choice of words were considered. And so un-poetical. Throw in some image there. And yes, it's plain typical, way too typical. I mean the "theme" ok--the THEME!
Chillax, dude, please, for the sake of everyone. You can't even take a bit of constructive criticism. You could've said your argument in a very nice way, y'know (oh, now that's slang.
But apparently, you were too feisty.
Spoiler
wooow there's a fight here. Maybe veil has a point, but I believe you should take into consideration that no matter how convinced you are with your poem, the reader's reviews thoughts and feelings are what make your work good or not. As for my impression, I really liked it, and what makes it special, is that many other people can relate to your deep love. My only advice to you is to support your amazing ideas and images with well enhanced vocabulary. I think you can make something outa your poems.
Hey guys! Let's put this back on track. Keep comments about the reviews of the poem only! No commenting on comments.
Veiyloxx! If you do not want to get anymore reviews, please PM me and I'll lock this for you so no one will be able to respond. Thanks!
I agree Jash in that reviewers are meant to point out or COMMENT on something concerning the story. Whether the author chooses to take that advice/comment is up to them. Generally by posting on YWS users try to learn how they can improve their work (review) and what people think of it (a comment). It seems if you do not want people to review your work Veiyloxx so I think that maybe next time you should just ask for comments or just nothing at all if your purpose is to help inspire others.
What are you trying to do here...
If you haven't gotten it already i dont need to improve as far poems and poetry goes young one.
I post here to inspire others to write as i have been inspired to by other great poets. Sometimes people think to themselves " how can i be great like the Great ones are."
bleh forget it i just wont post anything else on here obviously yall are to young to review and understand english literature
Oh...maybe you're trying to pull out your own style?
Oh, wait. You kinda sounded like E. E. Cumming--I mean, ee cumming.
Now, I've noticed that you used no punctuations. I understand your forced style now.
But please don't degrade us reviewers. We're taking the time to HELP YOU improve.
If you know a lot about poetry, don't post your poems here because you're too good for us to review.
Thanks.
Listen yall... "your" is slang not that, that matters because it doesn't.
Poetry is the only exception to literary work that punctuation doesn't have to be applied. So for those who haven't studied poetry please take the time to actually study it a little while, like I have.
The only grammatical error I spotted is that "your". It should be "you're"...you've been confused with that.
But anyway, kind of a typical love poem really.
Disturbing because of the last part. Perfect because of that too. So to you I give I like! Thanks for the read. Nothing to nit-pick content wise, listen to the above reviewers. *LIKES*
I like this, it is short and yo make your point, I do hve a few things to say though...
Ok, so this is a good poem, but you have a rhyme scheme and some times you don't go with, which ruins the whole poem. I also think this poem would be easier to read with puncuation... Fix that it this will be a wanderful poem! I love the last line, it is a great way to end the poem and tis does seem to capture the aspect of true love, but maybe a differant title will be go, "True Love" will trun away those that don't want to read another poem about how in love someone is, and this is not one of those poems, it has a deeper meaning, so maybe a deeper title is in order...
Hope this helps,
~Rain~
This is truly a touching poem. I enjoy reading poetry eventhough I can't write it at all, and I enjoyed reading this particular one.
The only thing I suggest you revise is punctuation. Puncutation will give the poem a deeper sound to it, give it more dramaticness, if used correctly. Also, if one were to read it outloud now, according to punctuation, he/she would have to read the whole poem through without taking a breath in between. Here's how I would put the punctuation:
The things I changed are in bold. There was only one spelling mistake I found, "your" should be "you're". Im not sure if you've put "oh" instead of "of" accidently, but in my opinion it works like that too. This are just suggestions though. Seeing as I am not a good poet, I dont have much I can say to critize others for their poems
As I said above, I really liked this poem. Keep up the good work!
WaitingForLife out... --->