I don't wear regrets as a burden on my back;
I live as a pilgrim just to leave it all behind.
I never intended to fix your broken smile...
but feelings are often stronger than rational plans.
I stopped sending you letters and musical notes;
your silence was often sharper than any direct word.
Naive little me! ...wanted to fix your laugh,
but little did I know it was half broken (not broken in half).
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130,719 Literary Works • 671,514 Reviews
hello
ok , first i just wanna tell you that i liked the title of your work very much , for me it's super
important , cause it's the only thing that make me wanna click on your work and read it .
while reading your poem , i'm impressed with the strong words in it , which gave it a special
glow .
the end , wow , i've never read such a wonderful expressive end like that before , good job .
well , guess that's it
so keep writing
smile
Thanks
I'm totally speechless.Its short,cute and meaningful.The last two lines are my favorite. When I go to sleep at night, some lines just randomly come into my head. And I'm sure these two lines will be one of them too. Well, nothing more. Just per-fect.
Thank you.
Wow, I really, really liked this!
(Maybe shorten it to "than rational plans"?)
The timing and pacing is very well executed- one thing I would say is that "but some feelings are stronger than the most rational plan." seems a little too long and unwieldy. And since the rest of the poem flows so well, it kind of sticks out.
The lack of rhyme actually really adds to it, in my opinion. Especially bringing it in for the last two lines, giving them emphasis. Well done!
Personally, I think the first two lines and the last two lines (the last two especially) were the strongest parts of the poem. The last line, just... wow.
Overall, really well put together, a lovely sense of flow and a lovely word choice. You should be proud of this.
Thank you.
This is so completely perfect.
Thanks.
Whoa. Despite the lack of rhyming, well the lack of noticeable rhyming I should say, I really loved your poem. "Naive little me! ...wanted to fix your laugh, but little did I know it was half broken (not broken in half)." Honestly, this was the most beautiful part for me. Maybe I'm reading into it too much, but to me it's saying that not everyone is as broken as they think they are, and that it is possible to fix your smile, to regain happiness. A beautiful poem indeed, I would definitely like to see this get out there, because it is a wonderful, brilliant poem! Keep on writing Valo, you're great at it!
-Vinnie
Thanks.