Young Writers Society

Hi there Valkyria

1. What did I like the most in the story Valkyria was that“Hi, Aunt Greta,” said Robert. His voice sounded breathless, and Greta heard noises in the background.

“Busy already?” she asked, sitting down and propping an elbow on the table. Robert chuckled, but it sounded strained.

“A group of hunters called 911 near Creek Falls,” said Robert. “They were in the woods hunting deer when they were charged by a moose, larger than any moose they’ve ever seen.”

“Was it white?” Greta asked sharply, sitting up.

“Y-yes. Aunt, you don’t think…?”

“The Specter Moose,” she said. “It’s got to be. I saw an ambulance go by my house,” she added. “Was anyone hurt?” Valkyria that was weird that what happened to Aunt Greta because it says in the story that she heard some noises in the background Valkyria you sure it wasn't Robert that did something to Aunt Greta because i think he had to do something to hurt her

2. What do I think needs to be improved Valkyria is that some your stories Valkyria remind me of a true story like this one but i know that is not exactly a true story but is so interesting Val i see that you did chapter 2 Val that's what i like about your story's Val you put so much fert into your work Val

3. what do I you think the story will continue Val is that coming up with story's Val takes time and i know that you took your time to find some characters and know what to say for this to be a chapter Val

Have fun writing!

Jay"

Hey Val!!! Thanks so much for requesting this review!

Overall, I liked this-- it's a good hook, and I'm planning to read the rest after you publish it. There are some minor details here and there that could do with some fixing/expansion.

So, right at the start, I feel like the fourth sentence should be before the third sentence. It reads a bit better to me that way, and it sounds less awkward.

Until a siren drowned out the birds.

Hey, Val! c: Your title caught my eye, so I decided to check this out! I love your title - it's pretty intriguing, and I'm interested as to what this novel is going to be about! ^^

I'm just going to get right to it!

Greta’s morning had been unusually quiet. The rooster wasn’t crowing, and Benjamin’s dogs weren’t barking. Monster activities had been slow too because she hadn’t received any calls all morning. Birds chirped melodies on their branches.

Until a siren drowned out the birds.

Some college kid probably got themself injured, she thought. It happened sometimes: an inexperienced hiker underestimated the trail and needed to be rescued.

Time passed, and Greta drank her coffee. Around 11:00, the phone started ringing inside the house, so she reluctantly got up, bones protesting.

She went into the kitchen and picked up her cellphone.

“The Specter Moose,” she said. “It’s got to be. I saw an ambulance go by my house,” she added. “Was anyone hurt?”

“One of the guys was in pretty bad when we got there. The moose flipped him over, and he had broken ribs and a torn leg. He’ll live, though.”

Greta tightened her shoes. “My brother’s been dead for sixteen years. It’s time the new monster hunter took his place.” She sighed heavily.

“Don’t worry, I found her,” said Greta. She looked at an old newspaper clipped to the wall. “And she’s accompanying me on this mission.”

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi!

First Impression: Okay, definitely does its job as a prologue quite well I think, gets us asking some questions and a little hook for the main story itself so good job there. There were a couple of questionable moments, and the start was just a touch slower paced for a prologue.

Anyway let's get right to it,

Greta’s morning had been unusually quiet. The rooster wasn’t crowing, and Benjamin’s dogs weren’t barking. Monster activities had been slow too because she hadn’t received any calls all morning. Birds chirped melodies on their branches.

The sun warmed her wrinkled face as Greta settled against her chair. The porch creaked under her feet. She’d have to tighten those floorboards, but she could do that later. This morning was too precious to waste.

Until a siren drowned out the birds.

Greta cracked an eye open and watched an ambulance speed past her house towards the mountains.

Some college kid probably got themself injured, she thought. It happened sometimes: an inexperienced hiker underestimated the trail and needed to be rescued.

Time passed, and Greta drank her coffee. Around 11:00, the phone started ringing inside the house, so she reluctantly got up, bones protesting.

“Hi, Aunt Greta,” said Robert. His voice sounded breathless, and Greta heard noises in the background.

“Busy already?” she asked, sitting down and propping an elbow on the table. Robert chuckled, but it sounded strained.

“A group of hunters called 911 near Creek Falls,” said Robert. “They were in the woods hunting deer when they were charged by a moose, larger than any moose they’ve ever seen.”

“Was it white?” Greta asked sharply, sitting up.

“The Specter Moose,” she said. “It’s got to be. I saw an ambulance go by my house,” she added. “Was anyone hurt?”

“One of the guys was in pretty bad when we got there. The moose flipped him over, and he had broken ribs and a torn leg. He’ll live, though.”

“Okay, okay. Are any of the hunters still at the hospital?” asked Greta. She tucked the phone under her ear and grabbed her coat.

“Two: his brother and a friend,” he said. “The guy just went into surgery.”

Greta tightened her shoes. “My brother’s been dead for sixteen years. It’s time the new monster hunter took his place.” She sighed heavily.

“But it could be anyone,” said Robert. “Dad didn’t find out until he was in college.”

“Don’t worry, I found her,” said Greta. She looked at an old newspaper clipped to the wall. “And she’s accompanying me on this mission.”