The ride to their houses took ten minutes. They biked through town, passing shops and townspeople. Mr. Simpson and Mr. Danvers played chess outside the town hall. Mr. Taylor swept outside his store.
Annabeth and Autumn left Grayson on the corner of Creekstone Drive and continued farther down the street, chatting about Autumn’s upcoming game with the rival high school.
“I need to get a new bag,” said Autumn as they turned onto their street. “My bag’s torn and dirty.”
Annabeth hummed in response and rolled to a stop in front of her house. She saw a car that looked a little familiar, but she couldn’t place the name of the owner.
“I didn’t know anyone was coming,” she said. Autumn stopped beside her.
“Parents rarely tell you anything,” said Autumn. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” She crossed the street to her house.
Annabeth waved after her and took her helmet off. She left her bike in the garage and went inside her house. She heard low voices.
“I’m home,” she called. A voice answered.
“Hi, honey, we’re in here!”
Annabeth followed the voice into the kitchen. Her mother stood in the doorway and opened her arms. Annabeth hugged her.
“Hey, mom, I-” Annabeth stopped when she looked over her mother’s shoulder. Two people sat at the table: her father and-
“Hello, Ms. Chambers,” said Annabeth. She clasped her hands behind her back.
The older woman swallowed one of her crackers.
“Call me Greta,” she said. “We’re going to be on a first-name basis from now on, kid.”
“What do you mean?”
Her parents exchanged nervous glances.
“Sit down, Annie,” said her father. He patted the seat next to him. Annabeth sat down uneasily. Her mother poured some juice into four glasses and handed them around. Annabeth gripped her cup, but she didn’t drink any, although her mouth was dry. Her mother sat down.
Greta sipped her glass and gazed at Annabeth. Annabeth twirled her hair, a nervous habit.
“Yup, you have his eyes,” said Greta.
Annabeth touched the area under her violet eyes.
“I’m sorry?” she asked.
Greta spread her arms. “Congratulations, Annabeth. You’re the next Monster Hunter."
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,814 Reviews
Hi there, Valk!
Hope you're doing well. :] This is the last part of your prize for the checklist challenge (once again, apologies for the delay). Let's get right to it! :D
This is a fun lil intro to the second part of the chapter! This imagery also reminds of cute towns (like the one enspoilered) and aghhh the vibe I'm getting is so wholesome and beautiful and I'm digging it, Valk!!
Spoiler
If you had these two dialogues together, Autumn would be saying "bag" twice in one sentence and it sounds weird o.O
omg this lol
who dis :eyes:
From the prologue!! yes my memory is good
Why the unease ahhh I wonder who Greta is to Annabeth??
also speaking of Annabeth, I'm really sorry about how I was called her "Annabelle" in the other review instead of "Annabeth", my sincerest apologies >.>omg she's being so mysterious I want to shake her xD
Okay okay I'm gonna quickly say something here: We know that Annabeth & and her friends (maybe even the rest of the town) know about monsters. We're not sure if they know about monster hunters though. But in the beginning of 1.1, we have the statement, "The monsters were unexpected, though." <~ this kinda makes it feel like Annabeth has no clue that monsters exist? But! This could be just me or I'm misunderstanding something. I thought it necessary to mention it anyway :') <3
Okay! So I feel like the plot is moving forward pretty well, I would definitely tweak down the pacing a bit, spice it up with some description of what's going around them, details on how Annabeth's friends are like, etc etc.
Alrighty, that's it for my review. c: Hope this helped somehow! Please do tag me when the next chapter come out, I'm very interested in what's going to happen next. ^^ Lemme know if you have any questions about my review!
Wishing you a singing, dancing good time <3
~Lib
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm back!
First Impression: Well, this is a pretty good part two to where you started things off, I'm loving it so far. The ending to this one was pretty good too, introduces us right to the main point of this story and leaves us in suspense nicely so good job there.
Anyway let's get right to it,
Okay that's a nice bit of description there, gives a sort of snapshot on the town so that's fun and pretty helpful.
And this all seems very normal once again, so far going really well on that aspect of things.
Hmm...so...why did no one really reply to this? Annabeth hummed but this line still feels like it just echoed out to the void and no one noticed.
Oh my God, those two lines are just amazing. Ahh...so far my favorite dialogue in this story.
This part feels like a touch rushed, its like too detailed to be a description this short almost, I don't quite know exactly why but it just feels a little off.
Ooooh...are things about to get interesting?
Oh dear.
Okayyy...well someone got right to the point. I like that. No vague stuff and riddles, that's always nice.
I do like the fact that her parents seem to know all of this and have an air of resigned acceptance about the whole deal, that makes it pretty realistic.
Well that's a fun way to introduce her eye color.
*cue the dramatic music*
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Overall its a great start and I would love to keep reading more of this story. The first chapter definitely is quite intriguing and tying into that prologue this promises to be a pretty exciting story.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Your reviews are so helpful! Thanks!