Soundrops
Two pillars of salt
suck the water
from my tears
precipitating
all I hear
into raindrops
of singing
and pain
The world but silent
in soft hand
under a canopy
reconciling
a naked me
without failure
and guilt
of blame
My veins are drained
of those dreams
Eyelids ripped
excruciatingly
a world dipped
beneath gold
from stars
on fire
behold I'm but a child
sewn with grass
on a hill
fabricating
torn by will
floating down
a breeze
or whisper
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
141,710 Literary Works • 675,600 Reviews
hooh,.. This piece of yours has a lot of emotions that's with it, feelings that you want your readers to feel -- like pain, sadness, being carefree, going through hard times and innocence and that's what i felt while reading it,..
=)
Wow, very, very beautiful and provocative. Every stanza offered something new and it was just a joy to read, evoking so many emotions.
"My veins are drained
of those dreams..."
What a beautiful description. I just loved this poem. I hope to see more of your work
I liked this. You did your descriptions very well. I especially liked " a world dipped beneath gold from stars on fire" that was just perfect! The flow seems a little choppy, but in a way that works for the poem. I also think that the line that begins with "the world but silent" is a little hard to understand. Mostly because of that first line. Maybe even just putting a comma between world and but would help the flow. I think this is amazing and has a lot of great potential
keep writing!!
-Raelyn