Yours truly, by V.T.W

My favorite part of the poem was:

Painted by the colours of Summer

Red, Yellow and Orange

the intensity of your persona.

Energetic.

Magnetic.

I like how you didn't just say: "Painted by the colors of Summer", but how you actually pointed out the colors you had in mind, and how the colors later furthur connected to "energetic" and "magnetic". I thought that was pretty neat

One thing that you could improve on...well, maybe you could take out the "yours truly"? To me "yours truly" comes at the end of a letter, and although you do adress someone, it does't read like a letter. Of course this is poetry, and it shouldn't read like a letter, but...to me, the "yours truly" just doesn't fit with rest of the tone of your poem. Maybe that would be something to think about?

Hi there! Rose here for a lil review for you.

I'm not the best reviewer but I'm going to state all the good things first.

First off, I like the concept of this poem because I, too have experienced this and the pain/sadness/ and guilt that comes with. I know what it's like to fall in love with someone who probably never cared. So in other words, I mainly like this poem because I can relate to the narrator and identify with what they are feeling or going through, which is something good when writing poetry.

Now for what I would personally critique or suggest.

In the title it is kind of useless to put "By VTW" because your name is under the title of the poem already when it is published. Also putting the title + your name at the top of the poem before starting the actual poem was a bit unneeded too.

I don't know if you cared

Did you are at all?

Here, I would put a period after the second line and maybe the "are" in the second line is a silly typo? This part of the poem isn't needed in the poem, for it would have probably functioned better without it. Either way, without or with this part of the poem it is a pretty nice introduction to the poem. It shows the narrators first thoughts and feelings as she starts questioning the audience, or whoever this poem is targeted to.

I fell for it...

Your poetic charm,

Your amorous scent...

money and dewdrops

Velvet voice

This part was lovely. Shows the reader a visual of whoever the narrator is referring to. The only thing I would change in this is capitalizing "money" and using more appropriate grammar, it throws the reader off a bit when reading.

Painted by the colours of Summer

Red, Yellow and Orange

the intensity of your persona.

Energetic.

Magnetic.

I fell for it

Again, in this poem the unneeded and needed capitalization and grammar choice. Yet beautiful word choice.

A fish in a net

Wise enough to avoid danger,

Too intrigued by the mystery to resist.

I fell.....

willingly.

voluntarily.

completely.

Yours truly.

This part of the poem was probably the strongest part throughout the poem. Amazing word choice one again but it dragged on a bit because of the needed capitalization. I also would italicize the last line of the poem because it is the title of the poem and it was thrown in there quite randomly, unless it was a signature for the reader/audience.

In conclusion, the word choice made the visuals go through my mind spectacularly. It was a wonderful concept and I loved how I could identify with the narrator. BUT I would recommend using capitalization more carefully and punctuation. Also adding stanzas would help the reader, reviewer, and writer themselves when reading it, for it shows a change of emotions or subjects. It was confusing and kind of dragged along when reading it.

Overall, good work. Hope you use these tips for the future, keep up the good work! Have a nice day

This is Kaos here for a review!

I don't know if you cared

Did you are at all?

I think you meant "care" instead of "are" in the second line. It was two different lines that did the exact same thing. They ask if the person the poem was addressed to if they ever cared. I suggest cutting one of the lines out because having both of them is pointless as it just makes it longer and serves the same purpose.

I fell for it...

Your poetic charm,

Your amorous scent...

money and dewdrops

Velvet voice

The start of the poem feels weak as it doesn't really have a starting thought and felt a little unorganized. Some of the lines don't even make sense beside each other or aren't coherent here. Things like "Your amorous scent" from "money and dewdrops" and "velvet voice" doesn't at all tie together. I think you should change it to "your" velvet voice.

You have unnecessarily ellipses throughout the poem and I think you should get rid of them because they drift off too often and interrupt the flow of the poem and feel like you're just swooning over this person rather than constructing the poem to where it's coherent. With the swooning it makes the poem have no voice and rather just becomes a generic love poem that doesn't the reader wouldn't be able to tell between if put beside others. My suggestion about writing about love is writing from your experiences and memories rather than being like:

"My love
my dear love
i love that you love
me and i love you for loving me
too."

We get that you like the person, now tell us more about them and the relationship. Put in tiny quirks and lines that make it memorable and it makes it your own, but this feels like a love poem written from anonymous to anonymous, because you the person who's writing it has no character and the person it's written to doesn't have any either.

The poem feels bare-boned in the fact that the lines are rather short and don't try to be descriptive or vivid or anything of that sort. There are no metaphors or figurative language or descriptions to go along with the base bone structure of the poem. You have a skeleton here and you're trying to tell the reader that it's a human body. Sure, you have a theme, but you have nothing to carry that theme across the poem.

Take a read for the flow of the poem because in some places it sounds or feels awkward because of the punctuation used, and I suggest mixing it up. Use more commas and semicolons if you're going to use punctuation in the poem, use it to your advantage. This is just a rough example, but here's a place where something like a semicolon would fit:

"Painted by the colors of summer,
red, yellow, and orange;
the intensity of your persona."

There are no stanzas in this poem which is most likely due to the Publishing Center messing up the format of the poem. You can put lines together and press shift+space to make them close together so you can tell the stanzas, or if that's too vague, you can use a "~" in between the stanzas to show when each one ends or starts, so the reader has a better idea of the structure.

Near the end you start to list off somewhat synonyms of the same word to say that you fell, but it didn't really describe it. How did you fall, why, when, where, who made you fall? All of these things could be considered in the poem but you instead kind of gloss over a lot of stuff. Go into more detail about it rather than just jumping around line by line, this made some of the lines harder to understand or decipher of their meaning. Describe and develop the lines. Don't just tell me "painted by the colors of summer", tell me something vivid. For example, I may want to use a line about the seasons changing. I'd say something with the cold painting the tree leaves red, yellow, and orange, because the cold air makes the leaves' veins tighten, which is what makes them lack what they need and that's why they die and change color.

I hope I helped and have a great day, if you have any questions, feel free to ask.