Here I sit, gazing the sky
Figuring out the reason why
What make me smile, when I see them cry.
It doesn't matter, cause they all deserve to die.
.
The night, when they got her tied
Left me watching on a helpless side.
All wanting to get inside
And she had no choice, with her legs spread so wide.
.
Her eyes shone like a weeping moon
I kept promising her, that this will end pretty soon
.
They never stopped, till she died
Soleless shadows moved with pride
I knew, The Law, would let this slide
For, in its eye, they were all, well dignified.
With the law, I shall not abide
Revenge shall follow like a rising tide.
.
I hunted them down with my bloody knife
One after the other to take what was rightfully mine
For what they did to my bellowed wife
They shall pay with their dear life!
.
What makes me smile, when I see them cry
It doesn't matter, cause they all deserve to die!!!
-Usero.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,021 Literary Works • 672,738 Reviews
Oops sorry for that cause there was some mistakes.This poem is so good that I can't help reading it all over and over again. It has perfect rhythms an everything that a poem needs. Maybe you can be a successful poet when you grow up. Though your age is still unknown. I am trying to get as many points as I can because I can't really write anything with only 200 points. So please donate some points. And more about the poem. The poem was beautifully explained. And no grammatical mistakes or rhythm mistakes or any mistakes. Just a perfect poem. I don't really know about any people who think your poem is stupid because your poem is ok. No mistakes to me. And please donate some points. Thanks.
:):):):):):):)
This poem was lacking in proper rhythm and the rhyme scheme felt weird to read, but it was a very good narrative. So this man watched his wife be raped and then they killed her. Or maybe she died emotionally. Regardless, she's dead and out of the picture. Then the husband finds them and kills them for what they did to his wife.
Me, personally, have always been terrified of rape. It is one of my biggest nightmares so this poem really touched me. It also disturbed me in a good way.
You have some punctuation and minor spelling and grammar errors, but it's tasteless to point those out.
The rhythm is off in this stanza. Try making it "It doesn't matter, they deserve to die" the cause and the "all" just make the rhythm stop awkwardly. There are several places like this. Especially in the first stanza. Just try reading this outloud.
I loved this poem, keep writing!
Haha....thank you very much. Know what, initially when i wrote mine, i felt "the cause" and "all" had a purpose and gave an impact to this poem. But its only after you pointed it out i realise it sounds a lot better your way! And you are most welcome to point out punctuation and grammatical errors. Kinda helps me out to improve.
-Usero!
Haha....thank you very much. Know what, initially when i wrote mine, i felt "the cause" and "all" had a purpose and gave an impact to this poem. But its only after you pointed it out i realise it sounds a lot better your way! And you are most welcome to point out punctuation and grammatical errors. Kinda helps me out to improve.
-Usero!
Oh wow. I recommend you put a mature content warning on this. Please.
Okay, now to the review.
First, I will tell you what I loved about this poem.
Great imagery. When I read this I can imagine it. That is very good :}
I also liked how you added a period after each stanza to separate them. It creates a very nice feel.
I did notice some grammatical errors, though. When you use commas, the space comes after, not before.
"Here I sat ,gazing the sky"
You switch tenses here. "Sat" is past-tense, and "gazing" is present-tense. I believe you meant to say, "I sit, gazing at the sky".
That is pretty much all :} You really need to put a mature content warning, though.
Good job! Keep writing,
~Rainn
Thank you Rainn, a very constructive review! I had doubts with that sat and sit thing right when i wrote this one. Am i not allowed to change tenses in middle of a sentence?? I wish to see more reviews from you, on all my future work.
-Usero!
You are, and it is not necessarily only how I reviewed it, but the structure of the sentence itself is off. And I wish to review your work