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by UmayanganiKumari

My debut, is Nexus. It's a story which has a deep logical points through out the story. There are mainly 6 different searching pathways of connections but finally all that become one complete connection. Mainly the effect of this, effecting to the main character, Tess. By the reveal of that whole new connections her life change through some points.

I'm still writing the first 10 pages of the story. Till now, the story has just begun.

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121 Reviews

Points: 1832
Reviews: 121

Sun May 26, 2013 7:01 pm
WritingWolf wrote a review...

This sounds interesting. I may read it if you post it.

I just want to point out that "throughout" is one word, not two. The story itself sounds rather interesting, but I'm not sure what you mean by "pathways". This piece is slightly confusing. You said "Mainly the effect of this, effecting to the main character, Tess" What effects Tess? That really doesn't make much sense.

While from the little bit I understood the story sounds really cool, but I honestly don't understand much.

I'd like to read this if you post it one YWS. :)


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117 Reviews

Points: 7415
Reviews: 117

Sun May 26, 2013 1:33 pm
Sapi wrote a review...

This is intriguing. I shall write you a short review, so that this is no longer in the green room. :)

Personally, I would love to hear more about this. It sounds intriguing, with all it's "deep logical points" and "searching pathways of connections". But with introducing your new work in this way, it's important to tell people more and get them more interested so they'll come and read it. So, basically, I would love for your to elaborate on each of the sentences you put forth here, perhaps making each the introduction to a paragraph of its own. O.o

"Mainly the effect of this, effecting to the main character, Tess. By the reveal of that whole new connections her life change through some points."

These last two sentences really need a good clearing-up, though. The first sentence I would edit to something like this:

"The main effect of this is to develop the main character, Tess." Or something of similar format. When you want to draw someone in, it's especially important to present it well (therefore, good grammar is important). :D

And the sentence after that, I would change to something like:

"By revealing the connection of all the pathways, her life changes in many ways."

Mostly the problem in those two sentences was the arrangement. It was just a bit messy.

Okay, so there you go! I know this isn't a real piece in itself but since it does serve a purpose, editing never hurts! :) Hope that helped.

Happy writing, and I hope you continue with "Nexus".


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19 Reviews

Points: 0
Reviews: 19

Sat May 04, 2013 4:26 am
Chuck10931 says...

Sounds good. I can't wait for it. You should post more details and maybe the first page?

“I am not worried, Harry," said Dumbledore, his voice a little stronger despite the freezing water. "I am with you.”
— Albus Dumbledore, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince