The Man in the Ambulance

Hiya! Space here for a review. ^^

I like the concept of this poem, it's something I often think about. What is the real nature of humans when it comes down to feeling emotions and empathy? Especially for those they don't know. The concept of caring is a strange concept, one that is hard to grasp your mind around when asking - "what is the point?"

(I hope I don't sound like a sociopath or something omg.)

This poem is very good in the way that it supports the idea and meaning of empathy, and how it could affect others, especially with the line " maybe if they had cared/dared to cry for the man who goes to die". Meaning if they had cared and showed empathy maybe the man would be strong enough to live given support from others.

This is a wonderful lesson and a moving poem with barely any flaws. The one flaw I found was that in each stanza the second and fourth lines rhymed, but in the last one the first and second rhymed, so maybe try to keep it consistent in that way.

That's all, I guess. Great job!

-Space

I like this poem very much. It points out the true nature of humanity. Not that they are cruel, but merely caught up in their own little world, with their own thoughts and cares with little room for the misery of someone else.

At first glance I didn't think I had anything to add, but after a bit of studying I think your fourth stanza could be a little stronger.

I don't like the idea of their tears or watchfulness being able to save him, since that simply isn't true. Even being watchful and caring isn't always enough to save people. However, your last stanza is very strong, conveying that they ought to show sympathy and regard for a man going to die.

Perhaps, your 4th stanza should lead up to this idea. Not that they might have prevented his death, but stating what empathy and respect might have actually done for a man going to die.

Thanks for sharing. This poem reminds me of a Sci Fi short story I read concerning this human ambassador who was assigned to live among an alien race. He died after several years and they couldn't find the cause. Then they investigated his social life on that planet and found that no one treated him as if he mattered As far as they were concerned he was a necessary inconvenience. A nonentity. Somehow, and in in some way, that psychological isolation had killed him. It has also been found that newborn babies who don't receive loving care are more prone to die than those who receive expressions of care and attention.'

So to me the poem is referring to a man who had been subjected to that indifference prior to ambulance situation or is in the ambulance because of that abusive social neglect.


Suggestion:
I would make the first stanza into one sentence:

The man in the ambulance
is going to die
and all of the people
just move to the side.