Don't we all have those dreams? Where we are a character in our favourite fairytales, where we could be the wizards or the elves, the mermaids or the royalty. Those dreams used to haunt me. I wanted it more than anything, at that time I didn't see what I already had. My childhood was now a fairytale, and as much as I had dreamt of my own Neverland I had not wanted it this way. But I guess with one dream fulfilled another must die, only I didn't know that the dream that died was the reason for my happiness.
My childhood seemed now to be a lie, how could anything be so beautiful. Wintry nights full of nordic lights, stars and white glistening snow to summer days with green grass, blooming flowers and a sun that never set. My friends that made me laugh and a family that held me tight as I cried over silly things. Those were my memories. Untouched and sacred in my mind.
I wanted to be the protaganist of my own story, knowing most of my favourite characters went through such emotional pain. I seemed to envy them, wanting to know what it felt like losing so many that you loved. Until I actually felt it. Fantasies are dangerous things, they will make you see something as such glamour when in fact that is just the front door to a maze built on a graveyard of the souls you might as well have sacrificed for you dream.
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,804 Reviews
I am really liking where this story is going. It kept my attention the whole time I was reading which is always an important thing and you only had a couple mistakes (A few spelling/punctuation things, nothing to serious). This is one of the stories on here where I can't wait for the next chapter to come out. Keep up the good work!
Oh man, this was so good! And something hard to think about.
Word choice. You want it more than anything, and we nod knowing that we've all wanted it, too. You haven't dropped a dark bomb on us yet, so the "haunt" feels out of place.
Word choice. Seemed? You know how you felt. You did envy them. Seemed is for someone on the outside observing. If you want to communicated uncertainty, maybe "I think I envied them" or "maybe I envied them."
Like Chakeber, I had a hard time following it. You have a lot of ideas in here, and they're not very well connected to each other. Something that might be a fun exercise: cut out your sentances and arrange them around on the floor. Figure out what fits best where, and what idea connects with another. Have postits ready, so if you need another sentance or thought to connect them, you can write on there on the spot. You may find new ways to word things, or more ideas. I think it might help flesh out the concepts.
All in all, though, it's a nice piece. It's very relatable and gives someone a lot to think about. I definitely believe we appreciate things that we don't have. Maybe not want--I never wanted my parents to die, but I appreciated and envied the benefits of being an orphan as a kid! Thanks for a good read ^^
Thanks a lot, I will take your suggestion and do that as soon as I have time! You guys are so great! When writing you don't really often realize that people can't see in your brain what you meant by the words so they come out confusing! Glad you took the time to actually read it.
Wow, very intriguing and though provoking. The first paragraph was a bit puxxling, i head to read a couple sentences over a couple of times to get the jist of what you were trying to say, but if that's what you meant to do just roll with it
if not, try reading it aloud or over again and see how you can make it flow better. The correlation to the sentences was done well also. I love the point you are making too. It's well thought out, give people something to think about. Often times a character in a story loses people, lots of people, and things they care about. But since most times cool things happen in those series of events and the story ends on a happy note we want to be them, we dream of it. But when you really think about being Harry Potter or Hermione Granger, Harry lost his parents, his godfather and so many around him that he loved died. Hermione made her parents forget about her. Sure being a witch or wizard in that Harry Potter World would be freaking amazing would we really choose it when we think about all we have lost? Probably not. Thanks for the insight. Very wells done.
Thank you for taking the time to review! Harry Potter was actually a part of the thoughts I had before writing this! Glad you liked it even though it is far from perfect.