Dread Lane

Thank you people! I wasn't sure how well this was, but now that I have some support, I have more confidence <3 xoxo

I have to agree with Liesonlies! The lyrics are really good and that's what we're focusing on here and telling us what's gonna happen with the song (although I get why you've done it) is a little distracting and confusing. But other than that the lyrics are really good! I can even sense a Paramore kind of feel to it... anywyas, keep writing!xxx

Take out all of what's in bold and the song will be okay.

Chorus:/ In the shadow/ I can see it/ Creepin' down my arm. Out the window/ I can feel it/ Rise into the stars. Passion has left me (left me)/ Broke in and shook me (shook me)/ Until you found me (found me) empty (cast out!). {the chorus is all one, steady rhythm; mainly drums. Background singer(s) are always a beat after the lead and do not overlap.}

*10-15 second instrumental*

Watch {drag out the "ah" sound with a higher note} the roses fall/ Petals {drag out the "eh" sound} in the lake/ Everybody hears their call to wake. And now they see you (need you)/ Want you (need you)/ Coming for you (gonna eat you)/ Better run (run away) from your life.

*short instrumental*

See that kid? {skip a beat} (Yeah...)/ Better stop him../ *low pitched growl* / He'll befriend his devils.../

Chorus

*instrumental fade out*

{whisper after fade out} Run from your life...

Wow, you have thought alot about this. Really good! I can imagine listening to it. I guess the only way to make it better would be to add a second or third verse. Otherwise, that was awesome!