A lukewarm breeze blows through the forest,
Rustling the bright colored leaves,
That hang from the bark of the trees.
~
Slowly the star shaped leaves fall,
And land gently on a carpet,
Of soft reds and oranges.
~
When a gust of wind passes
The leaves find their way into the air again,
Riding on the soft current.
~
And once again they find a place to rest,
From the long journey,
On the soft autumn wind's.
~
The forest floor will be calm,
Until the wind comes,
And picks up the fallen leaves once again.
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141,418 Literary Works • 674,398 Reviews
Beautiful poem and nice description. I hope I see more of your work around. You have a gift!
Aww, thanks!
Hello @TropicalRain, FlamingPgoenix here with a review for your poem on this lovely night.
Let's start.
So I think everyone else got everything that needed to be fixed with so I am here to talk about all the good things about your poem.
I really like the image you have painted here, I really get the soft flow of the wind and the leaves gently riding on it's breeze. It's just a really good image. And it calmed me as I read it. And it's really nice reading this poem, because it's going into autumn where I live, so I thought it was really cool.
The next thing I like is that you made the words in italics, I thought that was a really good touch, because I thought it made it feel more like wind was blowing over the words as I read them. So really great touch.
I hope you will post more works on YWS soon. Because I loved reading and reviewing this for you, and I look forward to reading and reviewing more soon. Never top writing and have a great day/night.
Your friend
FlamingPhoenix.
Reviewing with a fiery passion.
Thanks for the kind words.
Hi Trop!
Hope you are doing well today or tonight. I am here to give you an extra short review! (I don't think I should use exclamation points, it doesn't fit in with your calm poem.) Like I said in the brackets, your poem is very calm, and I can feel it. Ya know? Anyways, there was just one, teeny, weeny thing I caught and I will not let it go until you fully, and properly understand what I'm trying to tell you.
The word winds, I'm pretty sure, needs an apostrophe at the end of it like so: winds'. Because, if you have it without the apostrophe, it seems like its multiple winds, ya know? Okay, anyways. This was a great poem to read, and I really enjoyed it. And as always...
Keep on writing!
~Liberty500
Thanks for the kind words and the help!
Anytime, my friend!
This is a really nicely written poem! I love the imagery and metaphors of this, and it describes my favorite season beautifully. I especially like the second stanza, where you use the words, "carpet of soft reds and oranges". This effectively painted a scene of autumn colors in my mind!
The poem as a whole flows nicely to the next lines as well - showing a sort of cycle for the leaves in this season.
Keep writing!
Thank you very much for the kind words.
Hello!
Such a lovely piece. Your imagery is fantastic, it really livened the picture of an autumn day. I think my favorite stanza is probably the second one. It's just so descriptive and has really strong words/metaphors to effectively capture the scene.
Some of the lines end in commas that don't really need to be there mainly because the line break already creates the pause for you. If you wrote it out as a sentence with no line breaks, it would be clearer the comma doesn't belong. Understandably, it's there to create a pause as you read it though, but in poetry, the line break is doing that for you. So a fine-tooth comb through the piece will help clean those up.
I really love that this piece is really about the life of an autumn leaf. It really focuses on the stages it goes through during the season: it's on the tree, it falls, it's on the ground, it blows around, and blows around again. It's very clear to me, which is to say, it's a very well-organized poem.
I'd probably also suggest rephrasing a little here and there to prevent overuse of certain words. I don't want you to take away from the purpose of the piece or even the purpose of the individual stanza. But I do recognize that words like "wind" and "leaves" is used so often, my brain got distracted with a mental counter for each. This just means some rephrasing to describe the image in a different way since this poem doesn't really utilize that kind of repetition to make its point.
It's a very lovely piece though, and again, it just paints the picture so well. I think you did a wonderful job with this. I adore imagery, and you did it well here.
Keep writing!
Jabber, the One and Only!
Thank you very much for the kind words, and all the help, I'll try and fix it a bit.
Hey! Che here for a quick review!
I'll just start by pointing out a few things I think may need improving.
This line seems a little short in comparison the the rest and it disrupts the flow a bit
I believe it should be "wind's" with an apostrophe as it's a possessive
That was all I could find!
I really loved the imagery in the poem, it really does remind me of autumn (However where I live it's just been raining all week so I can't relate to the winds) and I think you captured it perfectly!
Keep writing!
Regards, Che!
Thank you so much for the kind words and the review. I try and fix the short line, and make it a little longer.
Very nice! I like how you likened the floor of leaves to a carpet. Great imagery.
Thank you so much sound!