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Young Writers Society


16+ Language Mature Content

Like Other Girls 1.1 (LMS)

by TriSARAHtops


Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language and mature content.

Yanton, like most suburbs, had two kinds of nightlife, and therefore, two kinds of people.

The first were the type who went to Silver, the skeevy little club off Harnby Street. Silver was cramped, sweaty and chaotic, with an ever present reek of cigarette smoke. It attracted the losers who’d never made it out of Yanton, the underage kids who took advantage of the lax ID checking and those for whom the desire to pick a fight only grew with every drink they had.

Silver was a grotty place with a reputation for violence, but it was the only club in Yanton, so people continued to go there.

Tess Jenkins had been to Silver once, when she was fifteen. She and her friends had gotten fake IDs - not that anyone had checked - and snuck in one Saturday night. Back then, Silver had been a place of legend, with so many stories that Tess had never been entirely sure what to believe. She’d been told that people had died there, that there was an in-house drug dealer, that you met the wildest people, that a night there would be the best night of her life.

No one had died at Silver the night Tess went there, and it had been far from the best night of her life. It had actually been pretty mediocre. Tess, at fifteen and only recently graduated from childhood birthday parties, had felt wilder than most of the people there.

She'd never found out for certain about the drug dealer.

From that night on, Tess found herself firmly cemented in Yanton’s other form of nightlife: that of the raging house parties, the hedonistic gatherings out at Tallan Gorge and the illegal raves held in disused warehouses out in Yanton’s industrial area.

Those were the nights that Tess lived for.

“Nice dress, where’d you get it?” Briony called from the passenger seat of Mia’s car, as they pulled up in front of Tess’ house. “Cause it’s funny, y’know, it kinda reminds me of one that recently vanished from my wardrobe.”

Tess smiled as she opened the door and threw herself into the back seat. Briony had leant her the dress nearly six months ago, but Tess had been sure that she would have forgotten by now. “That is funny.”

It was a Saturday night in the middle of those long four months between the girls’ year twelve exams and first semester of university. Unlike in high school, where the parties held during the holidays had an urgent, make the most of this feeling to them, the complacency of the days without school or commitments had seeped into the nights.

In November, the parties had been celebratory, now they just happened, because how else was anyone going to spend their weekend?

As soon as Tess had closed the door, Mia slammed her foot on the accelerator.

“Dude,” Tess muttered, as she leant forward to check her hair in the rearview mirror. “Just about went through the windshield.”

“Ignore her, she’s just pissy cause Amala bailed on being designated driver,” Briony trilled. “Poor Mia.”

Mia glowered, whilst still keeping her eyes on the road. Resentment seemed to radiate off her. “It was my turn last week. You think I like watching you two get shitfaced? That I want to spend every week babysitting both of you?”

“But you’re so responsible,” Briony wheedled, with an exaggerated pout. “And it’s not every week.”

Tess leaned back and stared out the window, letting Mia and Briony argue. She didn’t really see the point of having a designated driver for most of these parties, not when they were pretty much in walking distance away. A long walk, but still. Easily achievable.

And Mia was always such a killjoy when it was her turn not to drink. She always seemed convinced that the other girls would do something completely stupid, like they’d never been to a party before. As though a little bit of alcohol would make them forget the rules.

Have each other's backs. Exes and crushes are totally off limits. Keep it classy (only losers get totally wasted). Everyone leaves together. No drugs, or other people’s alcohol. Everyone has to check on at a chosen spot every two hours. Listen to the designated driver, or else. If anyone is caught breaking a rule, the night is over.

All for one and one for all.

There were probably other rules that Tess had forgotten. Originally, the only rule was to look out for each other, which had gone without saying, Tess thought. But over the last couple of years, the list of what was forbidden had grown, and Saturday nights had become these tightly regulated outings that no one dared stuff up.

When Tess, Mia, Briony and Amala had first started going out to parties they only had a tenuous connection to, it had been about rebellion. They’d been breaking free of the constraints of childhood and launching themselves head first into this new, chaotic, dangerous world.

Going out now didn’t feel as chaotic and dangerous as it had when Tess was fifteen. She’d only just be getting into the magic of the night when someone would pull her away.

Briony had recently told Tess eighteen was too young to be that jaded.

“Well- how come Tess never has to do this?” Mia said to Briony. “Me, you and Amala all take turns, Tess should have to do it for once.

“You can’t be designated driver if you can’t drive, Mia,” Tess retorted, poking her head through the gap between the driver's and passenger seats.

“Well maybe you should work on that,” Mia snapped.

Tess rolled her eyes. Before she could respond, Briony cut in.

“Tess, are we predrinking at Christina’s or Rhys’?” she asked. “Because I said yes to Christina and Mia said yes to Rhys, so now you have to choose.”

“I think Rhys is still mad at me for that thing after Schoolies, so Christina’s,” Tess said.

“He’s not the only one,” Mia said under her breath.

“Jesus, Mia! You’re a joy tonight, aren’t you?”

With that outburst, everyone went silent. Tess watched Briony place a warning hand on Mia’s shoulder. A don’t, you’ll only make it worse gesture.

Things didn't usually turn sour this early. The sun hadn’t even set completely, and the air still held a lingering memory of the day’s January heat. Perhaps it was Amala’s absence, which had reduced their undefeatable foursome down to a much weaker trio. It had been so long since one of them had missed a Saturday night. Tess didn’t want to consider that, with their first semester of university starting in a month, it was seeming all too unlikely that the four of them would keep this up each weekend.

Mia sighed. “Christina’s it is.”

Those three words were a peace offering, a call for a ceasefire that Tess was obligated to accept.

This was not what weekends were meant to be like.

Tess was not usually one to let an argument drop, but she accepted Mia’s begrudgingly-offered olive branch.

She nodded, and asked, as chirpily as she could manage, “So what’s the plan after that?”


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1735 Reviews


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Tue Feb 21, 2017 2:19 pm
BluesClues wrote a review...



Here I am!

I love your opening line. Also the dialogue between the friends, especially early on - it's realistic without being dull and immediately gives us some good insight into the three girls' personalities and their relationship.

On that note, I love good female friendships in stories. Mia's really grumpy, but I like that it's because she's sick of being DD and wants to let loose and have fun, and not because she's just a b*tch. I also like that they can kind of insult each other or go "God, why are you so CRANKY" without making any period jokes or anything like that (although that is admittedly more of a male thing to do in reference to grumpy women).

And this:

Have each other's backs. Exes and crushes are totally off limits. Keep it classy (only losers get totally wasted). Everyone leaves together. No drugs, or other people’s alcohol. Everyone has to check on at a chosen spot every two hours. Listen to the designated driver, or else. If anyone is caught breaking a rule, the night is over.

All for one and one for all.


Can anyone say "drink responsibly?" Wow. I'm impressed. Of course, my first thought was that it's hard to stick to rules when you're very drunk, but then again since one of the rules is "keep it class (only losers get totally wasted)," and the DD can haul them away if anyone does get totally wasted, that's probably not actually an issue.

Mia did say "shitfaced," which to me means "totally wasted," but then again she's sour from being DD twice in a row, so she's probably exaggerating.

I think it's kind of funny that while I was sitting there going, "Wow, these rules are so great, I'm really impressed," Tess was thinking, "Wow, these rules have really choked out the fun. Weekends are not supposed to be like this."

But then, I don't actually enjoy drinking or this sort of party, so...

I don't think I have any actual criticism or suggestions for you just now. You've got a strong hook and a solid first bit that definitely leaves me ready to read on. Can't wait for your next submission!




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1735 Reviews


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Tue Feb 21, 2017 1:55 am
BluesClues says...



*pokes* Remind me to read this if I don't leave a review in the next twenty-four hours.




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Sat Feb 18, 2017 6:21 am
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Lightsong wrote a review...



Hey, I'm here to review :D

The story starts with a focus to the setting, Silver, which is not the central setting and instead functions as a way to tell us readers that it, despite its wildness and promise of greatness, doesn't live to the expectation of Tess who has done wilder, more awesome activities. I would suggest you to provide a scene demonstrating all of these, but this is still sufficient as it doesn't come off as a boring way of telling.

From that night on, Tess found herself firmly cemented in Yanton’s other form of nightlife: that of the raging house parties, the hedonistic gatherings out at Tallan Gorge and the illegal raves held in disused warehouses out in Yanton’s industrial area.

Those were the nights that Tess lived for.


This setting describes Tess's personality better, and upon arriving at this part, I have to wonder if the introduction of Silver is necessary. Anyway. So Tess is up for socializing, the kind of which is not supervised by adults or restricted by some of the preset rules ('raging house parties'). I can figure out her personality clearly now.

I like Briony with the way she talks about the dress she's lent to Tess six months ago, and yet she says it's recently she finds out about it. xD She seems like a forgetful, funny person. I also like how Tess reacts to that without affirming to what she says, portraying a mysterious, cunning side of her.

It was a Saturday night in the middle of those long four months between the girls’ year twelve exams and first semester of university.


Ooh, this is an interesting education system fact! So how does it work? Does year twelve means the twelfth year in primary school? Are they going to achieve diploma in the university, or is it degree? Foundation, perhaps? o: These questions don't necessarily relate to the plot, of course, but they do demand answers interesting to readers like me! :D

In November, the parties had been celebratory, now they just happened, because how else was anyone going to spend their weekend?


*coughcough* work *coughcough*

I've noticed the usage of Alternative Verbs for Said (AVS - make-up acronyms :P). While it's good to use AVS to describe more on how a character says something, the abundance of it makes me look it up on the dictionary. Seriously. I have to look up the meaning for 'trill' and 'wheedle'. >.< I prefer the old 'said'. My confusion might not be shared by others who speak English as their first language, though I've heard about how AVS takes away readers' attentions from the dialogue which has to be the main focus of a dialogue paragraph.

Tess leaned back and stared out the window, letting Mia and Briony argue. She didn’t really see the point of having a designated driver for most of these parties, not when they were pretty much in walking distance away. A long walk, but still. Easily achievable.


Definitely can relate to Tess as well as to Mia and Briony. While it's unnecessary to drive, we humans want fast result and impatient, so we drive. c:

Exes and crushes are totally off limits.


Current boyfriends are okay? o.o

Going down the chapter, I can see the subtle conflict here. The trio's friendship seems to crack little by little, and this is hinted by how things are not happening as they usually were. Tess isn't the one who gives up in an argument, and Mia isn't the one who apologizes. Briony seems to be the one who maintains her personality. I can see how Tess reasons this happens because Amala isn't here, but since said person isn't here, I'm not sure how things change to normal when she is. How does the trio become undefeatable when it is added with another person? That remain to be seen...

Overall, this is an solid chapter. I have a good guess for the characters' personality, and I can see the conflict brewing. While I'm not at the point where I'll be rooting for Mia, I appreciate how she comes across as a real person instead of a stereotype. I also think that the body switch might have something to do with the drug dealer (since you focus on that a bit). Now I'm eager to read the second girl's story! Keep up the good job! :D




TriSARAHtops says...


Thanks for the review!

So to answer your question about the school system, year twelve is our last year of secondary school, we have exams in October/November and then university starts in February/March. And yeah, generally you'd get a degree at uni but it's also possible to get a diploma, depending on your course. I'm not sure exactly what these characters will be doing, since i'm pretty much making this up as I go. :p



Lightsong says...


Ah! I completely understand. Does this mean the year continues even after you finish primary school?




Gravity was a mistake.
— Till Nowak