Where did it all go wrong?

by TriO
  • October 22, 2011
  • Poetry
  • Lyrical

I never said
that I'd be there for you,
that I'd care for you.

I never meant
that I would stay with you,
I never wanted to.

We never had
enough to make it last,
too much to let it pass.

No you can't blame me
for the lies you've weaved,
and in my head I see
that you never will.
No you never will.

I only wanted
the best for you,
not this unrest for you.

You never wanted
to be close to me,
so is it love you seek?

They never thought
it was meant to be,
now they all can see

I don't believe
in this washed-up dream,
and so some day, you'll see
that it all went wrong.
Where did it all go wrong?



Boy, it's been a while since I wrote poetry. :)

Comments & reviews · 4
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User avatar
klotrox16
Review
klotrox16 wrote a review · Sat Oct 22, 2011 3:25 am

While some of the end stanzas were a little choppy, this line flowed beautfifully. Yuor best one

I only wanted
the best for you,
not this unrest for you.


This line here started off beautifully, but the last sentence ended a little anit-climactically in my opinion.
I don't believe
in this washed-up dream,
and so some day, you'll see
that it all went wrong.
Where did it all go wrong?

Overall, I can really relate to this. Anyone can. I think with a little revision you're good to go.
Sincerely,
Klotrox

User avatar
davantageous
Review
davantageous wrote a review · Sat Oct 22, 2011 2:56 am

I never said
that I'd be there for you,
that I'd care for you.

I never meant
that I would stay with you,
I never wanted to.

We never had
enough to make it last,
too much to let it pass.

No you can't blame me
for the lies you've weaved,
and in my head I see
that you never will.
No you never will.

I only wanted
the best for you,
not this unrest for you.

You never wanted
to be close to me,
so is it love you seek?

They never thought
it was meant to be,
now they all can see

I don't believe
in this washed-up dream,
and so some day, you'll see
that it all went wrong.
Where did it all go wrong?


Totally can see this in a song. Keep writing and you may become famous.

User avatar
davantageous
Comment
davantageous commented · Sat Oct 22, 2011 2:54 am

I never said
that I'd be there for you,
that I'd care for you.

I never meant
that I would stay with you,
I never wanted to.


Code
Great opening



In short, Mrs. Pontellier was beginning to realize her position in the universe as a human being, and to recognize her relations as an individual to the world within and about her.
— Kate Chopin, The Awakening