They say that words are the most powerful vice
in the battle, the seige of a heart. Where
the guardians form ranks and columns of thousands,
a mere phrase can blow them apart;
just a paragraph can take you back
to the place I call 'the start'.
An ornate swirl of strikes and whirls -
'tis the cause of 'boy meets girl'.
The letters, the verses that I write for you
are meaningless to all else, yet
you never critique, you never dismiss
the chances of wedding bells.
If words are my power, then verse is my curse -
I'll stand by that until you see...
A vow to combine us, insignias to bind us, and
on our deathbeds, all unfurls...
((realised I may have made a mistake here. Wrong section?)
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137,703 Literary Works • 672,063 Reviews
I love this, really good:)
Hey!:)
I'm sorry if I'm not that helpful but I just really wanted to say how good this was and I'd really like to read more from you.
I love this. I've not read a poem that I enjoyed as much as yours in a long time. I love how you used rhyming different here. Putting it not at the end of each line but rather in the middle, giving this poem a really good flow.
It's a beautiful poem and you expressed emotions very well.
The only thing I saw that could be improved on is your last stanza. Your first ellipsis I think is a wrong punctuation mark to use. It destroys the rhythm established in the earlier stanzas and takes away some of the flare of your ending. The ellipsis in the end works because it leaves a hanging feeling but the one before that just wrecks the flow and thus makes it a little confusing at the end.
Anyway, this was a great poem. Thanks for a good read.
--Nixie
to me this poem didn't really shine out, and i found t quite confusing towards the end, but i loved the strong and powerful uses in the poem, this made it unique, and i thought this was really good because, it brought out a side of the person this poem refers to and this is a good use of characteristics. All so just watch the spellings and grammar but besides that this is really good just try and un-muddle the ending so it seems to make sense as it really lost me there and i ended up not understanding what it was on about so try and get the ending right bit and i thing this will be really good!
I really like this, its a strong piece and gives a great deal of detailed imagery. I could really imagine what was being said.
It did confused me slightly nearing the end however, as I just thought it was a little muddled.
Apart from that I loved it and found it quite powerful.