555-LOVER

by TriO

Published January 26, 2011

In The Poetry of a Newblood

I feel it too, you know.
The longing, a lust,
that need to be 'human'
the craving to be 'your man'.
For however much you may wish
my soul to be a void,
these feelings are mine -
they're the ones I can't avoid.

So sleep easily, rest peacefully
and let your mind wander forth
to fantasy through phallacy -
to be who you are and nothing more.
In your dreams, I will be there -
always waiting, never judging -
until you realise, for certain
how real this could become.

It may seem forward of me,
to hold you as my beacon,
my angel, my guidance -
it's you who's held alone.
When you finally come to terms
with the feelings you incubate -
the inebriating spirit within
your fickle heart:

I will be here, any time at all -
sitting, contemplating, awaiting your call.

Comments & reviews · 3
User avatar
BluesClues
Review
BluesClues wrote a review Review · Jan 27, 2011

I personally am fine with "big words" (by the way, when did "unfamiliar" become synonymous with "big"?) I do agree that you could use SOME figurative language - this is a poem, after all, and since it's free verse figurative language is even more important than it is in a poem that rhymes. However, I wouldn't go overboard with it in this specific poem - there's something kind of beautiful about the sparseness of it.

Overall: Good job.

~Blue

User avatar
brokeninpieces
Comment
brokeninpieces commented Comment · Jan 26, 2011

Not bad, but why so many big words? Some people (like me) don't understand a couple of those. But it is good and sad. Just add some more figurative language, like alliteration and imagery.



Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it. Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy—the experiences that make us the most vulnerable. Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.
— Brené Brown