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Prologue

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Preface

     I was a cliche; an ordinary store bought plot; an overused story. One where the trite girl finds an amazing man, falls deeply and plainly in love, does some generically idiotic things and ironically saves the world in the process. But these things never befell me like it was supposed to. I, Kairah Bahl, was extraordinarily ordinary, yes, but I would never fall in love with the perfect man, or save the world in an effortlessly ironic way. I was originally destined for that, you see. But then a fork divulged in the yellow wood of my life- and an inner voice- a conscious if you will- told me to choose the road less traveled. This conscious would lead me on a heroic adventure, at the same time it was also leading me in an opposite, dangerous direction from my ordinary destiny. I would soon find myself forging this new destiny, and changing the fate of the world. But I wasn't going to do it as my destiny had planned. I wasn't going to be the ironic savior of the world; I was to become the very satirical destruction thereof.

And this is my story- told by- me.

~

Prologue

     There was an intimidating fence before her, but Kai didn't care. Kai wanted to see that boy again. She trudged across the mushy field and up to the chain-link fence that seemed to touch the sky. Kai dropped and crisscrossed her legs; prepared to wait along while before he came. Kai played with her hair wishing her mate would hurry up.

“I like your dress Kairah.” Kai looked up at the sound of his iambic voice.

“You came!”

     Kai stood and ran up closer to fence- fingers gripping at it with a wiry shake. Her eyes shown with an elated gleam. Because no one ever treated Kai as well as the brown eyed boy did. That endearing boy was Kai’s best friend.

“Am I your best friend?” She implored eagerly. She had expectation of a positive answer- obviously being very naive in that exact expectation.

“No, I don’t have friends. Don’t be childish Kairah.”

     Kai shook her head like a bird would ruffle its feathers- she didn't want to upset James with childish things. Being childish was like being ordinary in his eyes; and he hated ordinary things, he said so himself. But it still hurt that her best friend didn't even want her as a friend. You’re my bestest friend, she had thought to herself. The boy sat down, signaling her to follow suit.

      You see in the early days, He hadn't begun acting like he had emotion. Back then it was so simple. Back then I was the only one he was persuading and so his emotion- or lack thereof- wasn't important to emphasis it. The boy didn't need to act like he cared for me- or anyone that is-because even with a robotic demeanor- he was charming. It wasn't in his best interest to learn how to express emotion, yet. And I fell for his ploy deeply. I still bought into his sells pitch despite his cold state. He had the capacity to captivate anyone, even in the early stages; He knew how to make people do what he wanted. And it was all too easy to convince me.

“Why are you over the fence? I want to be over the fence. Can I come over to your house to play? Can I be on your side too?” She said in one stream of dialogue. 

     He shook his head, disappointed. Kai put her chin down, ashamed of not knowing. He said coolly, “You are being childish, Kairah. I can’t come over to you; I am too smart to be over there with you.” Kai felt even more insecure.

“But,” he said with a smirk, “I can get you over here. If you listen to me.” Kai trusted the older boy with everything, and being seven, she felt that she could make her own decisions.

“I’ll listen! I will, I promise.”

     The boy’s lips smoothed into a smile that could charm the devil himself,” promise?” He reached his hand softly out to Kai, and Kai, ever eager to do what the boy who shared her same brown eyes said, gave out her tiny hand too.

“Promise.”

     Then the boy’s smile turned into something darker. His grip turned vice like, and he tugged it closer to him through a link in the fence. In the moments pause, he looked up into her confused and fearful eyes, “Kairah, don’t you trust me?”

“Yes.” Kai breathed without a beat, trusting the boy with her very heart despite herself and her fears.

He could make you think swimming with a paper cut in a shark tank was your best option. He could make himself the only option you wanted.

     The Caucasian pulled a small scalpel from seemingly thin air. When it gleamed over Kai’s spread palm, the little girl shivered. The older of the two stopped looking at Kai’s face to watch cautiously as he created his incision. Kai winced painfully and realized how much bigger and stronger the boy was then her. But in the wake of her panic she remained still. The pain was sharp and unlike anything she had felt before- even when she scrapped her knee last week on the pavement. Kai was quick to draw her hand back when the boy let go. The sharp reprimand she was given and she slowly slid her hand back through the fence and before him. The boy took to sliding the knife over his own palm, which was followed by grabbing Kai’s hand, and clasping their fingers. His face donned a striking look of, excitement?

     The situation made Kairah understand extremely well what was going on. This was the boy’s vision of friendship. Kairah was his confidant. With matching soon-to-be scars and a blood seal stronger than any pinky-promise Kairah had given; they were one in the same.She felt the knots of worry on her stomach soothe, her chest feeling like it was full of sunshine. She didn't mind the blood, however painful, and she didn't mind the strange way the brown eyed boy showed affection. He trusted her.

“Do you understand Kairah?”

“Yes.” Kairah whispered confidently.

“What did you say?” His grip became slightly painful with is impatience.

“Yes, James.” She said trying to wiggle her hand until James loosened his grip.

     Eventually he nodded- maybe affirming something in his head- and released her hand, which she pulled into her chest. James tugged at his dressing gown which Kairah had neglected to notice was covered in a mess of their blood. He looked her up and down, “Don’t get blood on your dress. Mummy won’t like that,” and with a blood-stained finger over his lips in a symbol of secrecy, he was gone.

Kairah wasn't shocked; James often kept their meeting short. The boy did have to tend to… whatever was behind the fence. Things Kairah didn't have but coveted.

     Kairah felt- different. She felt stronger now that this blood was christening her skin; she had a renewed confidence. Kairah was a new being. No one had ever made her feel so knowledgeable. And for that, she was ever indebted.

     That was what James had aimed for; to make me feel like I was as strong as him. He knew that was what he needed to convince me to do what he said- to give him his first position of power. A dangerous power over me that I still don’t fully understand. I eventually made it home, and when I got back, Mummy screamed at the sight of the blood all over my dress. Needless to say mother started catching on to the little ticks and tocks I had; and realizing that I wasn’t working like a proper clock; well- The rest is history.  

Comments & reviews · 2
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Hello, Flash here for a quick review.

Okay, let's get down to business. First, I'll point out a mistakeI found:

The boy’s lips smoothed into a smile that could charm the devil himself,” promise?”

Space between the "," and ". Also, "promise" should be capitalized. I'm sure it was just a simple typo. Nothing big.

Now onto the story elements. Your language is great. It's descriptive but not overly descriptive. The only thing I would have liked to see is a bit more description on how the characters themselves look.

On another note, I felt like this prologue was a bit... All over the place. First we've got what seems like a peaceful meeting between two friends then it turns into a dark, blood promise... Boy, that escalated quickly. I just feel like the transition from happy to dark is very weak. It feels disorganized. I would work on that.

Overall it was a nice read. Not too many errors, just the occasional typo and the pacing was weird. Good job.

I hope I didn't come off as rude or anything. (I promise I'm just trying to help.) Keep writing!
~Flash

Thanks for the review. I will try to work on my typos and such! I'm only on my rough-rough-draft right now and i will fix the weird pace in a while ( I also noticed it as I was writing.) As for character description, I purposely left it that way, but if you feel I truly need to input description, then I will. Thank you again for taking the time to review my work!

User avatar
Que
Review
Que wrote a review · Mon Mar 09, 2015 3:28 am

Hey Treyrant! I'm going to do my best to review this amazing prologue. So first of all, I think the whole plot is great. I'm just going to get right to the errors. There are quite a lot of capitalisation errors throughout, especially near dialogue.
The sentence "Kai dropped and crisscrossed her legs;" is just a little weird- you probably want to have it be more like "Kai dropped to the ground and crisscrossed her legs;" instead.
Also in the sentence "Kai played with her hair wishing her mate would hurry up." did you actually mean to put it like that, so it seems as if James is Kai's mate? A little clarification there might be good.
Here, I think you might have meant "I still bought into his sales pitch" rather than "sells pitch".
For this sentence, "His face donned a striking look of, excitement?" I think you either misused the comma and question mark or else need another word or two added in, for example: "His face donned a striking look of- what, excitement?"
Last, in this sentence, "The pain was sharp and unlike anything she had felt before- even when she scrapped her knee last week on the pavement." you should change scrapped to scraped.
Overall, I loved it, just many typos (but understandable- I have those types of problems myself)
I hope to see more of your writing soon!

Thanks for the review Fal. My problem is that word doc doesn't catch homophones or words not in the right context, Ha! I will get right on editing! Thanks again!



it is quite something to wound someone and then pity their scars
— canopy