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Pree-Scene: The dark woods

by Transport222


I was not sure what to do with this short piece of writing and I make homemade film things but I could never find the right setting or place to film this short scene in. I hope to write more but I'm not sure if I will publish it. It is from a teen fantasy TV thing that I've been writing purely for the hell of it. If you like it [or not] please reveiw!

PREE-SCENE:

THE DARK WOODS



[The show opens with a dark forest and a small ten or 11 year old girl, Jane, running through the trees. She is closely followed by a younger girl that is her sister {Lili}. ]



LILI:

Jane! [Lili is puffing and looks quite scared.] Are you sure they went this way?



JANE:

[Turning round to taunt her] What’s wrong? Are you scared?



LILI:

[Catching up.] I’m [she’s breathing heavily.] not scared. I just can’t believe you saw them. It’s not right. I wish Mum was here.



JANE:

[Hardly puffing.] Let’s go find her then.

[The girls run off to the right.]

[Lili suddenly stops and Jane goes back to stand beside her



JANE:

Look, just wait here. I’m going to find her.



LILI:

[Protesting] I don’t want to be left alone.



JANE:

I’ll be back. [Hugs Lili] I’ll find mum.



LILI:

And Dad?



JANE:

[On the verge of crying.] And Dad.

[Jane runs off through the trees and leaves Lili alone. Lili sinks down and leans against a tree, watching her sister run off.]

[Seconds later Lili hears a scream.]



JANE:

*Screams from far off.*



LILI:

[Standing up and looking even more scared than before.] Jane? [Frantic.] JANE?!?

[Lili runs in the direction of the scream and the camera follows her. She soon arrives at a small clearing and she spots her sisters footprints leading down to the center of the circle where there appears to be a small pile of leaves. Lili is crying and dirty and her clothes are ripped.]



LILI:

[Whispered.]Jane?

[As Lili walks towards the leaves a wind blows them away, slowly, and a necklace/pendent with a strange ancient pattern on it is revealed. Lili reaches down to pick it up and title sequence opens.]


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65 Reviews


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Sun Nov 27, 2016 8:07 pm
occymay wrote a review...



Hello!

As an actor, I really enjoyed reading this because I love scripts and I also love fantasy.

Positives-
I felt that you were really good at creating tension and also mystery. It left me wondering quite a few things, like why were the girls trying to find their parents, what happened to them, and what meaning does the necklace at the end hold? I think that this was your intention and it really came through in this piece. I also really liked the character of Lili, she really reminded me of a scared little girl, through what she was saying and also through the stage directions. It made the piece feel realistic even though it's a fantasy which is good because it keeps the piece grounded.

Improvements-
I had a slight problem with the character of Jane because she seems to go through a really quick personality change. I don't feel she was as complete in her characterisation as Lili. For example when she says, "[Turning round to taunt her] What’s wrong? Are you scared?" I feel that this differs from how she acts later on in the scene "[On the verge of crying.] And Dad". I feel this is unrealistic because she seems to me a good person and I feel that she wouldn't talk to her terrified younger sister like that, she would be more comforting. However, that is just my personal opinion and from my own experience of being the younger sister.

Overall, really great work and I would love to see more about this. Keep writing :)




Transport222 says...


Thank you! I am just almost finished editing the next few scenes. I can see what you mean about Jane. I have a younger sister myself and I can see where you are coming from about the personality change. I shall think about that. Thanks! :D



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Sun Nov 27, 2016 1:26 am
ashtheawesome12401 wrote a review...



Hi bud, as someone who loves reading scripts, I decided to check this out.

It is well written You put focus in where it is needed.The characters appear pretty real, which is always needed in writing and any sort of performance-based work.Now, this appears to be like DivergentDemigod said below, more of like a trailer in a way. Which yes, is wonderful. But I would like more insight. But of course when the story continues. I like how you do not make the dialogue say everything. As though you have a mysterious element tied into it and the reader/viewer needs to look closely and analyze everything.Analyzing things can be fun to some but not others, so do not get too disappointed if someone gets crabby. It is bound to happen. Moving on, I cannot wait to read more of this. I want more with these characters ahah and I really do want to know what happens next, because I am quite intrigued.

Thank you and keep writing!




Transport222 says...


Thank you very much. I am currently in the process of editing the second scene...
watch this space.





I will definitely be looking forward to it.



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Mon Oct 31, 2016 8:01 pm
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DivergentDemigod wrote a review...



Hmm...well what can I say about this... Look I'm not the usual reviewer for scripts so I don't know ***t about it...but I'll try!

Okay so after Reding this I felt like you wrote a trailer and the actually movie/play is to be continued.
I get that you were trying to attract readers by giving a small glimpse of why the story is and I really appreciate the way you wrote this. I would really like to see where this is going and would love it if u published the following scenes.
Not much to say!


Happy Halloween
~DD




Transport222 says...


Thanks for the review and I agree.
I will write and publish more soon.
[watch this space...]




If it wasn't for poetry, I couldn't express myself.
— Rosendorn