Triggers and pathways! Misadventures in Turbulence Market
"My favorite thing about being part of the Muster Heroes Project? Hmm... It's hard to say. I... I think one of the best things I experienced was participating with the development of certain characters - especially early ones, like Grainne Powders, for example. The main reason for that is because Lionel always challenged us to create NPCs, and no matter where we put them, he always found a way to link them to specific story arcs or side-quests that would leave us awestruck. I don't know how he does it, but he's really good at linking stuff together. Never give that guy a puzzle!"
Sonja Rollins, Interview after the presentation of Project Muster Heroes
A gentle gust of wind caressed the air, lazily floating above a rainbow of colored constructions stuck on the ground. It took a bold dive down below and turned into a mighty squall, its sudden power rendered meaningless in front of the amazing, uninterrupted buzz of movement and voices that eternally plagued Turbulence Market. The squall toyed around with tent roofs, hats and beards alike, grasping the attention it wanted. However, upon passing by a wooden construction displaying a shooting gallery, the squall found itself utterly ignored by one of the participants of the game, who firmly held a black cowboy hat on his head with one hand, the other placed right next to his holster as an excited grin grew on his face.
“C'mon, man… Trigger Finger's itchy...” TriggerZ muttered between his lips, giving occasional glances to the NPC next to him.
“Ready…! Break the Targets!”
The owner of the shooting gallery swiftly ran on the side of his establishment just as a number of targets appeared on the wall behind him. In the same second, the targets were destroyed, promptly shot by TriggerZ and his rival as they began the competition. Utterly focused, the two gunslingers destroyed target after target, with such speed and precision that it was impossible to guess who was destroying what, let alone who was winning the contest. But it didn't stop the crowd that had gathered around the two competitors to cheer as loudly as the detonations went, excited as could be.
“Now this… THIS! This is what I'm talkin' about!” a delighted TriggerZ thought despite his focus. During sixty wonderful seconds, he cleared his mind of any bothering detail, only focusing on the task at hand. He realized that he had almost shot the owner of the shooting gallery once he had told TriggerZ and his rival to stop shooting, as the contest was over.
“Wha?!” TriggerZ exclaimed, disappointed. “Over already? C'mon, gramps, can't we have like… twenty more seconds of this? I was really enjoyin' myself here!”
The elderly man ignored him, occupied as he was counting the points.
“Well maybe you're enjoying yourself a bit too much there, Trig.”
Next to TriggerZ was Morkant, patiently awaiting for the results to come.
“What, you sayin' that 'cause it's my eighth run in here?” TriggerZ asked, shrugging. “Sorry bro, I know we're supposed to focus on your letter thingy, but I saw a shooting gallery on the map. My fingers did the rest.”
“Sorry for you, cowboy, but I think that's gonna be your last game. We've got a schedule to keep.”
“Nuh-uh! Not until I level up!”
“...And once again," the owner of the shooting gallery announced, "the winner of the Target Breaker contest is…! The Challenger!!”
Player_TriggerZ! Level Up!
The crowd around went wild, and several people even threw their hats in the air, cheering for the victorious Marksman. TriggerZ raised his fist in the air, shouting loud “thank you's” to the people watching. “Well speak of the devil!” TriggerZ exclaimed, laughing to himself. “I'm either lucky for finally levelin' up thanks to this mini-game, unlucky 'cause I'm actually sad it's over, or Flame Head's a psychic!”
“You're really gonna keep calling me that?”
“Yup!”
A mysterious grin appeared on Morkant's face. “Then I really can't wait to see your face when you see what I actually look like, heh.”
TriggerZ raised an eyebrow. “Well now I'm curious.”
“Good. Now shove that curiosity back in your holster and follow me. We gotta find Yatsu, since we kinda lost him along the way – no thanks to you crazy shooter, heh.”
“Bite me.”
“Rude!”
“This is ABSURD!!!”
The exclamation, followed by a gunshot released in the air, made both players freeze just as they were about to leave. A sudden pocket of shocked silence had formed in the middle of the Turbulence Market. The players turned around, as TriggerZ's rival walked up to him, his fancy black costume gleaming as he trembled with apparent rage.
“I, Pete Cody, am LEAGUES above you… You… crazed, talentless excuse for a marksman!" he shouted. "I DEMAND a rematch this instant! And no cheating this time, fiend!”
TriggerZ completely turned around, now facing his opponent. “Cheating?” he repeated, grinning. “Dude, you just showed up outta nowhere on my sixth victory, and I've done nothing but destroy your smug ass right and left, adding two victories to my list. You mad?”
“You illiterate little…! How? How dare you speak to me in such a manner! You have no IDEA of who I am!”
TriggerZ put a hand to the chin, faking an intense act of reflexion. “You're right. But what's awesome is that by lookin' right above your head, I can have my database tellin' me your name, class and battle style – though you're not aware of it, 'cause you're just an NPC.”
Pete Cody frowned his eyebrows, visibly confused. “What the blazes are even babbling about?”
“And right now,” TriggerZ interrupted, “I think my database says... Ah, there we go!” The Marksman leaned forward, his grin growing larger as he continued, “You's a bitch!”
As the growing laughter of the crowd unfolded, TriggerZ turned to Morkant and winked. “Go find Maskreep without me, bro,” he whispered. “Really sorry, but Trigger Finger's itchy again.”
“Suit yourself, Trig,” Morkant replied, shrugging. “You better not lose that gunfight – you're probably getting' a reward out of it.”
“You think so? I'm just doin' this for the thrills, really.”
“No surprise there!” Morkant exclaimed before leaving the scene, walking against the increasing flow of people around him. As much as he enjoyed fighting, he was usually more interested into exploration. And currently, he was really interested in exploring the secrets behind the letter Exceedjinn had received from the lady in white. Hopefully, Yatsu wasn't going to be locked in some kind of side-quest of his own.
******
“Totally jinxed myself, didn't I...” Morkant muttered to himself, grinning ironically. Indeed, the young man had eventually found Yatsu by wandering deeper in the Turbulence Market, but against his wish, Morkant had realized that his teammate was indeed locked in what seemed to be a battle-oriented side quest. But from what he could see, Yatsu wasn't the one doing the battle.
“Finish him off, Rayclops! Attack Trigger: Wave Ray!”
“Don't let 'im win, Tingear! Defense Trigger: Perfect Shield!”
Morkant jostled with the crowd, trying to have a closer look at the action. As the cheering assembly stepped aside to let him pass, he was finally able to clearly see what was going on.
Before his eyes were Yatsu and a NPC, both standing at the edge of a circle created by the crowd around them. The NPC was on the left side, dressed in a blue magician robe. Below his feet was a tiny black creature with shoes for feet. It was hiding behind an oversized orange helmet equipped with an antenna on its side. Yatsu was on the right side of the field, and below him was a round, brown creature with stumpy feet and arms as well as a huge, single blue eye at the center of its face. The eye began shining vibrantly and a swift energy ball came out of it, targeting the other creature, who was instantly protected by a magical sphere that formed around itself.
“That shield won't protect you forever!” Yatsu exclaimed confidently. “Let's do this, Rayclops! Alteration Trigger: Golden Pearl!” As he said this, Rayclops raised both of its tiny arms in the air and a brief golden gleam engulfed its body, turning its brown skin entirely gold.
“Oh no you don't!” the opposing magician said, visibly worried of the creature's transformation. “Tingear! Attack Trigger: G-Shot MkI!” Tingear took a deep breath and literally spat several speeding bullets towards the golden Rayclops. Yatsu's reaction was immediate.
“Special Trigger:" he shouted. "Golden Opportunity!” Following Yatsu's command, the light that had previously enlightened Rayclops' body came back, letting its body shine once more. The light seemed to completely protect the creature from damage, as the flurry of bullets that came to it did not make it budge at all.
“Time to finish this,” Yatsu calmly announced. “Attack Trigger: Pearl Present!”
Rayclops raised an arm, at the tip of which grew a golden energy ball. It performed an underhand throw, the ball swiftly reaching for a panicked Tingear.
“Defense Trigger:" Tingear's master exclaimed. "Perfect Shield!”
Once again, Tingear found himself fully protected by an energy sphere, thus blocking its enemy's assault. Morkant gazed back at Yatsu, noticing the latter's confident pose. He certainly had a plan.
“Now, Rayclops!” Yatsu said. “Attack Trigger: Golden Slugger!”
Still enlightened by the golden light, Rayclops dashed towards its opponent the very moment the Perfect Shield began to fade. Having no time to create another, Tingear could only watch as Rayclops rapidly approached him and performed a vicious tackle, sending Tingear back to his master's feet. The latter jumped aside, giving a disappointed stare at his defeated creature.
“Great job, Rayclops!” a satisfied Yatsu said, approaching his adversary. “as for you, Mister, it looks like I finally beat you. So, as promised, you're giving me a Paichnidon for me to keep!”
“Yes, indeed,” the other Mage said, visibly annoyed. “I… did not expect a beginner such as yourself to understand and master Paichnidon battles so quickly, let alone link with one of them in such a way.”
“Well I did lose four or five times before getting the hang of it," Yatsu admitted, "so I wouldn't say I master this thing yet. But… yeah. Thanks. So um… Can I keep Rayclops?”
The Mage nodded. “Yes, indeed. He shall be your personal Paichnidon from now on. But beware: he is currently far too weak to aid you in battle. And if he dies at the hands of other enemies, you won't be able to resurrect him. So be sure to keep several eggs of his species stored away somewhere.”
“Right! One-time creatures, so offspring needed. I got this!”
Player_Yatsu: Level Up! Paichnidon Pet obtained!
“Well,” Yatsu said to himself, as he left the crowd, gazing at his menu. “This went pretty well for a first time, huh. Now, to find out how the heck am I gonna use this Pai… Paichin… Paicho...don…?”
“It's Paichnidon.” Morkant intervened, having followed his comrade. “Glad I found you, man. So, d'you often talk to yourself?”
Yatsu glanced at him. Once again, Morkant found himself unable to decipher Yatsu's current state of mind – that creepy mask of him wasn't exactly the best tool to socialize.
“Paichnidon,” Yatsu repeated slowly. “Thanks. And… Yeah, actually. I usually speak to myself either because I'm repeating dramatic stuff, or when I feel like I'm lost. I've heard somewhere that talking to oneself is actually really helpful, so sorry if I look crazy. Just sayin'.”
“Nah, it's fine, I was just teasing, heh. Though I guess I should rephrase: I'd call rather call what you're doing 'thinking aloud' instead of 'talking to yourself'. I think there's a difference somewhere, but we should save that conversation for later.”
“Why? It's kinda fun to chat.”
“Yeah, but any more of it and we'll forget that we're supposed to bring this letter back to a certain lady.” Morkant said, pulling out said letter. “And also that we kinda want to hear what she has to say about it. Or at least I know I want to hear all about it, heh.”
“...Oh. The letter. Well I stand corrected, 'cause I had forgotten all about it. But did TriggerZ go? Isn't he interested in the letter too?”
“Trigger Finger's itchy!” Morkant said while performing an air quoting gesture. “Catchphrases aside, I haven't known Trig for a while yet, but I've seen enough to say that we're not pulling him out of a gunfight, heh. So let's go without him, shall we?”
“Fine by me! We'll tell him everything on the way back. So, where's that lady?”
The two players went on their way, avoiding the crowd movement they had gotten used to. It took them several minutes to exit Turbulence Market, but once they did, they had no trouble finding the only white tent of the place, standing right next the entrance. The lady was there, her white attire shining with the bright sun's gleam. She appeared bored, leaning slightly over her desk while toying with a strand of her mid-long blond hair.
“Oh hey there, fellas,” she said, greeting Morkant and Yatsu with a welcoming smile. “Though I don't know you, mask-boy, I guess you're with the guys I asked to get my letter back, huh? D'you kids have it?”
“We do, Ma'am,” Morkant confirmed, handing over the letter to the lady. “We've made sure to kick some pirate butts right and left for you, so have fun imagining how that went, heh.”
“Call me Kiraal.” the lady said, grinning as she put away the letter in her pocket. “And speaking of kicking butts, send my regards to that Martial Artist kid for me. Normally I can deal with pirates myself, but I was kinda caught off-guard. And y'know, it's always nice to be defended. So!” she added in a more serious tone. “What d'you lot wanna know? I promised I'd tell you everything you need if you helped me, so I guess you also came back to get your reward.”
“Yeah, we did, heh. I'll start with this, then: what does “From V.M.” stands for? I guess that's the name of your boss, right?”
“Hmm. Well, you didn't open the letter, so I might as well tell ya.”
Morkant and Yatsu shared a quick glance. How different would her dialogue be if they had in fact opened the letter?
“My boss is a… a bit of a snob,” Kiraal started. “Though officially, I'm supposed to say that he's a very wealthy aristocrat living in the Citadel of Ire who goes by the name Volcanis Monarch. I call him Sir Volcano – mostly because of the hair color – but anyway, that's just me. Long story short, he created a network of information over the entire island so that some people can have all the info they need about the Great B, his seal, and the recent activities of the Seven Sbires. Which by the way is not something you're supposed to know about, so keep that to yourselves, okay?”
The two players nodded gravely. It was starting to get interesting.
“Recent activities?” Yatsu repeated. “Aren't the Seven Sbires supposed to protect the Great B's Castle with their own castles?”
Kiraal gazed at Yatsu. “Wow. Looks like you've got some inside-informants too. Welp, that'll make things easier to explain. Yes, the Seven Sbires are supposed to protect the Great B's castle. But it's just a nice way to say that they follow the Witch's will to not let the guy wake up and doom us all. From what my boss told me, they're kinda trying to conquer stuff again. And they're preparing armies of their own for that to happen.”
“So they want to respect the Witch's wish of keeping the Great B sleeping with their castles,” Morkant summarized, “but they also want to respect the Great B's wish to conquer everything they can?”
Kiraal nodded. “Pretty much, yeah. And my boss' job is to hire a bunch of mercenaries to stop them before they're ready. And as it happens, adventurers like you kids would be the perfect recruits for that – if you're interested, that is. Oh, I should probably let you know that if you're hired, my boss will do everything he can to keep you around. So expect some tasty rewards from him if your job's well done.”
Morkant smirked. “Exploration's our thing anyway, so of course we're interested, heh. But how would we be able to stop the Seven Sbires?”
“Ah! That's one of the few details I can't give you unless you officially become part of Sir Volcano's group. And before you ask, there is one thing you need to do to prove that you're strong enough to take part in this job.” Kiraal authorized a little smirk to grow on her face. “Reach the Citadel. Which means that you have to get through the Witch at some point.”
“And what if...” Yatsu began, “what if we manage to reach the Citadel without fighting her? Would your boss still hire us?”
Kiraal stared at Yatsu, intrigued. “I'm not sure how you'd do that, but um… he'd know it. Don't ask me how, but he'd know you didn't fight her. And in that case, you'd be left with another option, which you won't like at all.”
“Humor us,” Morkant replied with confidence. “We might actually be interested, heh.”
She shrugged. “Okay then. The second option implies that my boss would not hire you – he doesn't really like being deceived – but he'd give you one last chance to redeem yourself. In other words,” Kiraal continued maliciously, “he'd give you a map with all the pathways to take in order to reach the castles of the Seven Sbires without his help. On foot. With their soldiers waiting to skewer you outside. And you'd need to defeat them all, else you'd have to kiss your exploration of the Great B's castle goodbye, since my boss has the password to open it. Did you catch all of that?”
Yatsu and Morkant nodded in unison.
“Good!” Kiraal exclaimed. “Then I guess you're used to be fed a lot of info at once, huh. Well, hopefully that'll help you once you reach the Citadel. Anyway, I pretty much told you everything I knew, and although the rest is confidential, Sir Volcano will definitely answer the rest of your questions – provided that you defeat the Witch, that is. Good luck with that, boys.”
“Thank you, Ma'am!” Yatsu said with enthusiasm. “We're grateful for the information you've given to us. they will be extremely useful.”
“They better.” she replied playfully. “And I'm just as grateful for you lot bringin' me back that letter. Kind of an important thing for my job. And please, call me Kiraal! I know it's a weird name, but ain't my problem if most of my family likes to end their names in 'al'. 'Sides, 'Ma'am' makes me feel really old.”
“Oh! Right. Force of habit.”
“You're too polite, mask-boy,” she muttered, sighing. “Oh well. Have a nice day you two. And tell Sir Volcano I said 'Hi, and don't you dare ask again.' He'll get it.”
“We'll try to remember,” Morkant said as the duo walked away from the white tent. “So?” he asked Yatsu, his grin fading away. What do you think?”
“I think this game is awesome.” was the latter's immediate answer. “We need to call everyone and regroup at Vick's place.”
“So we both came to the same conclusion, heh.”
“Yeah," Yatsu confirmed. "If we go ahead and fight the Witch, we'll get closer to this Volcanis guy, and the more missions we do, the more rewards we get – either bonus Exp points, special equipment, or money. But if we blackmail Bygorn and don't fight her, we get to explore around on foot, get a lot of exp points anyway and take random stuff here and there – which can be just as useful as special equipment if we find ourselves a neat blacksmith in the Citadel.”
“But,” Morkant objected, “we might miss a lot of lore related to the story of this island. And that lore might either come in handy for finding secrets around the Citadel, or be useful for later sessions, since we're supposed to learn from it.”
“Right,” Yatsu said. “The whole 'personal growth with cultural references' thing going on. Yeah, it's really too much, we'll have to vote again.”
“Agreed. But first,” Morkant continued, accessing his menu, “we need to find a certain crazed gunman friend of ours. Once that's done, we're going back.”
“Ugh, I totally forgot about him,” Yatsu admitted, sighing. “Where did he go again?”
“Last time I checked, he was about to start a gunfight with a random NPC. Don't blame the guy too much though, heh. He's not the only one who decided to enjoy himself here in Turbulence Market. Am I right, Mr. Paichnidon?”
“...Okay. You have a point. But I'll get you next time!”
“Eh. Maybe you will, Maskreep,” Morkant exclaimed. “Maybe you will.”
With that, Morkant marched back to Turbulence Market, with Yatsu right behind, mumbling something about bad nicknames.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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Hello my name is Hannah and here is my review.
you've written a lot, which is great, I can tell you have a passion for writing and you are really good at it as well. I like how you have used italics at the beginning, possibly to show that you're quoting something? idk anyway overall I think this is an amazing novel/chapter and I look forward to reading your other chapters. Also I think you should listen to buggiedude2340 down there he's made some good points. I think you should keep up the great work
Hi there, Hannah!

-Thank you. Would be a shame to be on this site and not having a passion for writing, lol.
-Yes, I am quoting something. pre-chapter quotes as well as given names and situations are literary devices that you can find in some books, usually used for world buildinng. Or at least that's how I've seen it used so far.
-Am I to understand that I should warn you whenever a new chapter comes up? 'Cause I can do that if you want
-Hah! Don't worry about that XD we're pretty much buddies, and I've been listening/acting on her advices since the first chapter - or at least tried my best to do so. I usually do that for my Reviews, as I've been told that it helps writing even better. And so far, it's true!
Thankies! I will. You go and keepmakin' people happy with your reviews, eh?
I thought I was all caught up, and then while I was wandering the GR looking for something to review, this little monster ambushed me... Why didn't you warn me about this, Tort?! Tsk tsk.
General Comments:
1. You've got some fantastic crowd scenes in here! They could use a bit of sensory strengthening, but a lot of people would forget to mention them in the first place, so kudos to you.
2. Try to avoid using 'was' in your descriptions. You have a strong vocabulary, and I think a little more awareness of your own writing will push you towards the use of more action verbs and poetic device in those descriptive paragraphs.
Details:
Your opener was great! It needs some fine-tuning, but I think that was one of the most vivid uses of personification I've seen in your writing, and it made for a pleasant transition into the action.
Plot, Characterization, and Misc. Items:
1. Catchphrases are all good and well, but I'm not sure about Morkant's 'heh-ing.' It shows up a little too much, and often in awkward places. (Also, I have an uncomfortable experience with a guy who legitimately says 'heh' in real life. But like, that's just me, so you can ignore this comment if you want...)
2. It's so nice getting to see all the characters in small groups. It's easier to get to know them that way. (Have you read Rick Riordan's books? He does this pretty well, and it's an excellent tactic.)
3. Also, thank you for cutting straight back to the main plot. The consistent pacing of plot in your piece is refreshing, especially when the rest of us in the group flounder between OMG moments and slow stretches.
I think that's it! Finally, I'm completely caught up on LMS reviews! (Maybe I'll find another person to follow...) Until we meet again.
-Buggie
Because when I finished writing it yesterday night, I watched a movie and went to sleep. When I woke up, two reviews where on it - including yours. So... Yeah.
-Take one of the characters from the later half of One Piece that finishes all of his sentence by either "Bon", "Soir," "Jour", or "Bonsoir" and "Bonjour". So for example, "Hi, my name is lion King-Soir. Have you tried speaking to my boss-Jour? He really has a special way of telling stories-Soir." %u2190 one of my inspirations for characterizations, though that guy is FAR more awkward.
General Comments:
1. Thank you! Worked hard on them, so I'm glad that worked well.
...Hmm. Sensory strengthening, huh. I need to start my experiments then. I can't keep on writing without experience behind me, it's getting frustrating...
2. ...Huh. Okay, then. I'll have to keep that in mind.
Details:
-Thankies! Fine-tuning s always something I need anyway, so no surprise there. I need more of where that came from...
Plot, Characterization, and Misc. Items:
1. that "heh" thing is actually based on a real person I met too that actually speaks like that and place his own "heh" pretty much almost every sentence. Though I totally think that I should place it in less awkward moments, I think you should compare it to how in One Piece, many characters end their sentences with small words or adjectives that just make their speech look and sound... just... weird. Example below:
Spoiler
2. Yup. 'Tis why I do it. (I have, yes. All the Percy Jacksons, and up to Heroes of Oympius, though I have yet to read the 4th tome.)
3. You're welcome - I usually don't enjoy fillers either, so I'm always trying to make them interesting, or at least relevant to the main plot.
Can't exactly say the same, though it's my fault for spending my afternoon at a friend's house,heh (no I do not actually do that in real life XD
'Til we meet again! Baaaaaai!
~Shell Master Tortwag