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Eating Me Alive

by Torres


Eating Me Alive

It was dark, cold and quiet. It’s the middle of the night. Everyone is sleeping. Crickets are awake and fireflies are lighting up our backyard. I can hear my dog outside snoring like an old man. You might be wondering why I know all this. It’s because I was awake. Something woke me up and it was neither monsters hiding in my closet nor spiders crawling in my bed. It was something so much more terrifying and life threatening. I considered myself a deep sleeper meaning that I don’t wake up as easily as most people but this night in particular changed my life.

I was finished doing my chores as always with my siblings. My sister would do the dishes, my brother would clean the dining table and I would I try to help as much as I can because I was the one who cooks every day. As we settled down and watched a movie I heard a noise coming from my room. It was neither load nor soft. It was similar to the rustling sound that a plastic bag would make when crumpled. I was nervous but I forced myself to check what it was. I went to the basement because that is where I chose for my room to be. I opened the lights and check every nook and cranny of the place and found nothing. Relaxing my mind, I went back to the living room curiously asking myself if I was imagining things.

After the movie, my sister chose to go to her room to study; my brother went to his room as well to play video games, and I stayed in the living room to continue reading George Orwell’s “1984”. I was reading the scene where the O’Brien straps Winston to a chair, then claps Winston’s head so that he cannot move. O’Brien picks up a cage full of enormous squirming rats and places it near Winston. He says that when he presses a lever, the door will slide up and the rats will leap onto Winston’s face and eat it and they did.

I stopped reading after that scene for me to imagine it in detail and memorize it because it was one of the scariest scenes I‘ve read since Edgar Allan Poe’s “The Pit and the Pendulum” and “The Tell-Tale Heart”. I was really flabbergasted. After thinking for a while, I went to the kitchen to drink milk and my vitamins as per my daily routine and I heard it again. It was the rustling noise that I can’t get out of my head since I’ve heard it the first time. I was now really afraid and considered sleeping in the living room “It was probably the wind” I reassured myself because I checked every single space in my room and nothing was amiss. I shouted my goodnights to my siblings and went to my room not knowing the horror that I would face that night.

I was having a wonderful dream. It was about a beautiful woman that would be my future wife. She was tall, slender, smart and very charming. She was both alluring to the eyes and ears because she spoke with the utmost grace and intelligence. She was perfect until she disappeared. I woke up. I was extremely angry and forced myself to go back to sleep wishing to see her once again until I heard the sound of nightmares. It was that sound again. It was dark and the sound was more intense that the last two times I’ve heard it before. It was echoing in my room and in my head the sound of hell. I put my blanket over my head and prayed that it would stop. I was shaking and sweating until my underwear was as wet as a sponge. I was in the midst of tears but it did not stop.

1 minute. 5 minutes. 15 minutes. I did not know how much time has passed and suddenly the greatest miracle happened. It stopped. I looked around while I was still tucked in my bed there was finally peace. I stood up and was ready to head to the light switch, go to the kitchen, drink some water, maybe urinate and jump to my sister’s bed for comfort but then the peace ended when a cockroach landed in my face. It was so large that it was the size of a golf ball but in my head it was like a huge boulder torturing me to the death. I panicked and slapped my face that’s when there and then it happened. The cockroach was flying. Flying all over my room and landing in all sorts of places.

I was about to run out of my door when suddenly it was like trying to land on me. I panicked again and went back to the area of my bed. I grabbed my baseball bat and tried to kill it. I swung the bat countless times but it was useless. The flying cockroach was invincible. It has the power of super speed.

After calming myself down, I strategized what I would do. I came up with a solution. I first opened my window to try and make the cockroach fly out and be free then I wrapped my blanket around myself as a shield, grabbed my bat and summoned all my courage to beat the hell out of that godforsaken insect. After a while of hard battle, the cockroach decided to surrender and fly to the window but I did not allow it. I swung my bat trying to hit the flying torture device when I suddenly hit the window pane. Thankfully it did not crack but if it did, then I would’ve considered it as a great sacrifice for peace.

I closed the window and had a sigh of relief. It was gone! Gone forever! I went back to bed all excited wanting to meet the woman of my dreams but the sound of the flying cockroach was still in my head. I tried and tried to no avail. I sat down stared at the wall and grinned while thinking about the godforsaken cockroach. It was a long and sleepless night for me that night. The echoing sound of the flying cockroach was still in my head until the next morning. The one thing that was left behind by that cockroach was his presence in my thoughts. It truly is a fact that at night, one thing that should be left alone is your thoughts. They eat you alive until the next morning.


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153 Reviews


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Thu Mar 04, 2021 5:51 am
ForeverYoung299 wrote a review...



Hello. Here for a review. It was actually very nice.
I enjoyed reading this.

It was so cool. Full of terrifying feelings, emotions and imagery. I was quite horrified for five minutes after redaing this. The reason is unknown but probably due to your story. I won't tell much cuz the earlier reviewers mentioned those.

Bye!!!! Again, I enjoyed it. Keep writing!!




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Mon Mar 01, 2021 3:04 pm
HarryHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a short review!!

First Impression: Well..this seems like a really interesting story that we have here. Not quite the usual monsters you see around stories like this but a rather interesting one nonetheless and certainly just as much nightmare inducing for those afraid of cockroaches which I thankfully am not...phew.

Anyway let's get right to it,

It was dark, cold and quiet. It’s the middle of the night. Everyone is sleeping. Crickets are awake and fireflies are lighting up our backyard. I can hear my dog outside snoring like an old man. You might be wondering why I know all this. It’s because I was awake. Something woke me up and it was neither monsters hiding in my closet nor spiders crawling in my bed. It was something so much more terrifying and life threatening. I considered myself a deep sleeper meaning that I don’t wake up as easily as most people but this night in particular changed my life.


Oooh now that is quite an attention grabby first paragraph. Ominous signs right off the bat there and I am loving it. Certainly gets you interested in the story first hand and does a bit of establishing for the character right off the bat too.

I was finished doing my chores as always with my siblings. My sister would do the dishes, my brother would clean the dining table and I would I try to help as much as I can because I was the one who cooks every day. As we settled down and watched a movie I heard a noise coming from my room. It was neither load nor soft. It was similar to the rustling sound that a plastic bag would make when crumpled. I was nervous but I forced myself to check what it was. I went to the basement because that is where I chose for my room to be. I opened the lights and check every nook and cranny of the place and found nothing. Relaxing my mind, I went back to the living room curiously asking myself if I was imagining things.


Oooh I like how he hesitated at least somewhat there and had to force himself to go. Too often do characters in books and movies just go right towards the source of potentially dangerous and scary sounds without a hint of having thought about it. The descriptions of the chores is also doing wonderfully in establishing the world here.

After the movie, my sister chose to go to her room to study; my brother went to his room as well to play video games, and I stayed in the living room to continue reading George Orwell’s “1984”. I was reading the scene where the O’Brien straps Winston to a chair, then claps Winston’s head so that he cannot move. O’Brien picks up a cage full of enormous squirming rats and places it near Winston. He says that when he presses a lever, the door will slide up and the rats will leap onto Winston’s face and eat it and they did.


Think a bit too much detail there. Went off on a bit of a tangent with almost a full paragraph of description for that scene from another book and I think that's a touch too much.

I stopped reading after that scene for me to imagine it in detail and memorize it because it was one of the scariest scenes I‘ve read since Edgar Allan Poe’s “The Pit and the Pendulum” and “The Tell-Tale Heart”. I was really flabbergasted. After thinking for a while, I went to the kitchen to drink milk and my vitamins as per my daily routine and I heard it again. It was the rustling noise that I can’t get out of my head since I’ve heard it the first time. I was now really afraid and considered sleeping in the living room “It was probably the wind” I reassured myself because I checked every single space in my room and nothing was amiss. I shouted my goodnights to my siblings and went to my room not knowing the horror that I would face that night.


Oooh nice bit of slow tension buildup there. A good amount of mundane tasks described in actually pretty well balanced amounts and that little hint of danger. This whole paragraph here is pretty well done.

I was having a wonderful dream. It was about a beautiful woman that would be my future wife. She was tall, slender, smart and very charming. She was both alluring to the eyes and ears because she spoke with the utmost grace and intelligence. She was perfect until she disappeared. I woke up. I was extremely angry and forced myself to go back to sleep wishing to see her once again until I heard the sound of nightmares. It was that sound again. It was dark and the sound was more intense that the last two times I’ve heard it before. It was echoing in my room and in my head the sound of hell. I put my blanket over my head and prayed that it would stop. I was shaking and sweating until my underwear was as wet as a sponge. I was in the midst of tears but it did not stop.


Okay....well that escalated quickly with the underwear...but whoa this is getting to the level of extra crazy and scary very very fast and I am loving it so far. Also interesting dream...you get an idea an idea of how old our main character is too from that...or at least a decent estimate.

1 minute. 5 minutes. 15 minutes. I did not know how much time has passed and suddenly the greatest miracle happened. It stopped. I looked around while I was still tucked in my bed there was finally peace. I stood up and was ready to head to the light switch, go to the kitchen, drink some water, maybe urinate and jump to my sister’s bed for comfort but then the peace ended when a cockroach landed in my face. It was so large that it was the size of a golf ball but in my head it was like a huge boulder torturing me to the death. I panicked and slapped my face that’s when there and then it happened. The cockroach was flying. Flying all over my room and landing in all sorts of places.


Oof...I do hate it when cockroaches do that...luckily one of them hasn't landed on my face while sleeping but I have run into more than a few flying ones...nasty little critters...I can feel this one's pain here very well.

I was about to run out of my door when suddenly it was like trying to land on me. I panicked again and went back to the area of my bed. I grabbed my baseball bat and tried to kill it. I swung the bat countless times but it was useless. The flying cockroach was invincible. It has the power of super speed.


Oooh...so this is a super cockroach...well this gets even more interesting...this fight is sure to be quite epic.

After calming myself down, I strategized what I would do. I came up with a solution. I first opened my window to try and make the cockroach fly out and be free then I wrapped my blanket around myself as a shield, grabbed my bat and summoned all my courage to beat the hell out of that godforsaken insect. After a while of hard battle, the cockroach decided to surrender and fly to the window but I did not allow it. I swung my bat trying to hit the flying torture device when I suddenly hit the window pane. Thankfully it did not crack but if it did, then I would’ve considered it as a great sacrifice for peace.


Hooray...I love that determination...not a bad strategy at all to get rid of such a cockroach...a job well done I think and this protagonist deserves a nice round of applause.

I closed the window and had a sigh of relief. It was gone! Gone forever! I went back to bed all excited wanting to meet the woman of my dreams but the sound of the flying cockroach was still in my head. I tried and tried to no avail. I sat down stared at the wall and grinned while thinking about the godforsaken cockroach. It was a long and sleepless night for me that night. The echoing sound of the flying cockroach was still in my head until the next morning. The one thing that was left behind by that cockroach was his presence in my thoughts. It truly is a fact that at night, one thing that should be left alone is your thoughts. They eat you alive until the next morning.


One of the truest statements right there at the end of things...love the ending that you've chosen here. It was a really good story.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

Overall: Overall this was a really fun story to read...you've captured all the elements pretty darn well I think so I would just say good job and maybe fix that one tiny paragraph where I felt like that description got a little too detailed.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry




Torres says...


Hello Harry. Thank you for your review! This is actually my very first short story ever. I had a fun time writing this piece and helped me realize that writing is really fun! I'm glad that you had fun reading as much as I did writing. After rereading it, I noticed that I had parts in the story that was not proofread well enough and I'm sorry about that. I'll do my best to improve in the future. Hope to see you again on my next post!



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Mon Mar 01, 2021 12:44 pm
stygianmoon17 wrote a review...



heyyy stygianmoon17 here for a review :)

There are one or two things I wanted to mention about this short before moving on to why it's great.
First, the sound. You describe it as a sound resembling a plastic bag rustling, I dunno if you've ever heard a plastic bag (rustle if I might add), but there's no way he heard that from upstairs. And after it gets kinda out of hand. The "sound became menacing" and "the sound of nightmares".

Let's remember here that the point of view is the narrator, and the narrator is the main character, and the main character said that the sound resembled a plastic bag.

It just makes no sense for him to be afraid of it. the sound of the wind, or the whisper of feet across the floor would be creepier. Since it's the MAIN CHARACTER describing it, so it would make sense for him to think it's something horrible. Not a plastic bag. or even better, it goes from a plastic bag to the rustle of leaves in the wind to feet across the floor.

There's a sort of progression, and it becomes more and more horrifying, more and more big and terrifying- like a gradation of sorts.


But that's pretty much it !
I loved that final sentence of yours,
This here, "It truly is a fact that at night, one thing that should be left alone is your thoughts. They eat you alive until the next morning."
It's just *chef's kiss*

It needs some polishing as I saw a few typos, but nothing too distracting. Great short I was totally fixed on it while reading ^^




Torres says...


Hello! Thank you for your eye opening review! I totally agree with what you've said and I only realized it now. I guess I got to carried away because of how much fun I had writing it. Anyways, I'll try to improve on the aspects that you've told me about and be a better writer overall! I look forward on seeing you as I'll post more literary works in the future.




I’d heard he had started a fistfight in one of the seedier local taverns because someone had insisted on saying the word “utilize” instead of “use".
— Patrick Rothfuss, A Wise Man's Fear