Don’t be afraid
To be yourself,
The world may tell
You to change,
Don’t listen,
Be yourself.
~
Don’t be afraid
To show you care,
It’s okay to cry,
It’s okay to feel.
No matter what
The world says,
Don’t be afraid.
~
Let the world know
That you have
Something to say,
Shout it out,
Don’t be afraid.
~
Leave a mark,
A trace, a sign,
Tell the world
You were here,
Don’t be afraid.
~
You shouldn’t fear
The world,
It should respect you,
Don’t be afraid.
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Canary word: Present
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,805 Reviews
Good poem! What was your purpose in writing it?
Hello, TornRoses, PastelSlushie here for review number nine for #RevMo , as promised! Let's get right into it!
Before the actual review starts, I would like to say I'm not a fan of poetry and this is the second(?) poem I've reviewed out of my entire stay here. I don't know much about it, so if I point out something such s stylistic choices, please let me know.
The lines were pretty short in this piece, so they appeared to be choppy. My suggestion would be to make the stanza length more consistent and as well where you put "don't be afraid." This line seems to be placed in random parts of the poem, and it would help the flow of this piece by placing it in one place and keeping it there.
I really can't say much else except that I highly enjoy this poem, even though I've said I disliked them earlier in this review. I especially like how the meaning isn't flat out told throughout the poem, except you have to dig a bit deeper for it. I also highly enjoy the positive vibes and upbeat vibes it has.
Feel free to send me a message if you have any questions or disagree with anything in my review. Best of luck in your future pieces,
Pastel
Hi there, just a few thoughts on your piece.
So I love the theme you chose here of "don't be afraid" a little encouragement never hurts! I also like that you kept the stanzas nice and clean and pretty direct in their meaning. I have two suggestions:
1) Consistency
Because the lines were so short in this piece, some of the lines ended up seeming a bit choppy, like I was reading the same pattern of syllables again and again. I think one way to reduce some choppiness would be a bit more consistency in stanza length and also in terms of where you put the repeating phrase "don't be afraid". For me mixing up the order of where you placed that phrase seemed sort of randomized, but making it go in a predictable place (until that last stanza) might help readers focus on each individual stanza's message rather than getting tripped up in the new formatting.
2) Metaphors and Figurative Language
You use a little bit of figurative language in "leave a mark" etc but a little bit more would go a long way in making this poem stand out and making it's message unique. Certainly not every stanza needs a metaphor, or even every poem, but when dealing with subjects that have been covered in poetry since the dawn of time, adding a bit of personality through personal insight or figurative language or other poetic devices doesn't hurt in making your poem stand out and really connect with readers.
Overall, I love that you chose to right something so upbeat and encouraging. Thank you for sharing your poem and your wisdom.
Best,
~alliyah
Hello @TornRoses!
I see right through several stanzas of this poem you have a pretty straightforward structure, where each stanza ends in the repeated line "don't be afraid". Sometimes repetition in poetry can strengthen one's work, but I honestly think it didn't really have much of an impact. I'm not sure it really hurt the poem itself, but it repeated a little too much that those words "don't be afraid" were just there, they really didn't do anything for me.
As a suggestion, perhaps add more imagery and lengthen each stanza as well as take out some that aren't necessary. By putting more imagery and detail, it will not only decrease the unnecessary emphasis of the over repeated line "don't be afraid", but it will also strengthen and improve your poem as a whole. I understand you want to get you points across, but imagery and detail is also vital to poetry.
For example -- try describing what "you" is feeling, or what they should hopefully be feeling: some sort of freedom and not being scared of other's opinions, etc.
Remember when punctuating poetry, commas are always nice when needed and for good flow as well, but sometimes what you really need is a period, or else some lines just don't make as much sense :/ Like this:
After the second line, use a period instead of a comma. Don't feel as though one whole stanza has to be a complete sentence. I noticed this in other stanzas as well. Also, I would suggest using a different phrase than "be yourself" in one of the lines, because that is too much repeated and I think it would be better off differently worded in one of the lines.
The lovely thing about poetry is that the message of the poem itself does not need to be directly written in, it could be camouflaged to really make the reader digest the poem and inspect it. Try this in other poetry you write, and see what you would come up with! It might help you out.
Overall, though, this was such a sweet little poem! I loved the message you brought with it and the positive vibes it had. With all of its simplicity, it was very true and sometimes I do have to tell myself this! I hope this helped you out in some way!
Keep writing,
neptune <3
Hello, Littlefox here for a review!
I really like the idea and concept for this poem. I love the feeling behind it and the message that you should be yourself despite what the world may think. However I think this poem would be greatly improved by imagery. Imagery is said by many to be the most important aspect to poetry and I completely agree. I think this poem would be much stronger if the message was conveyed with more concrete images to make the reader really feel it.
Hope this helps!
-Littlefox
Hi there! I see you're a fairly new member, welcome to YWS!!!
I am here for a review, and I see this is your first poem. My reviews can get a bit nit-picky, but it's only because I want to help people improve. There's no point in a review if the author doesn't get feedback on how they can better their work, you know? If anything comes off too harshly, just let me know and you can yell at me!
Overall, you have a good base, structurally. This poem is quite sound when it comes to the lines having an overall good flow. I feel like you wanted this poem to be purposeful, to be almost motivational. I like the simplicity.
I feel like it starts to feel a bit repetitive. I think you can break up the doldrum by using more colorful wording. If you use just a few choice words that are more sophisticated, it will really give this poem the push it needs to stand out more.
I think you have a good rhythm, I just want to feel more. I want you to pack in a harder punch, and these short lines are the perfect setup for some standout phrases. The theme and purpose are wonderful, you just need to work on the execution.
Thank you for sharing your poem, I enjoyed reading it. Keep up the good work!
Happy writing,
Kali L.
Thank you!!