Mommy! Mommy! Look!

Hello, Thriver.

Here is my honest opinion. It's filled with good intentions.

I can't really tell where you wanted this to go. There's no realization, no direction, nothing except for the question. And if the question isn't answered, and not enough information is given, then there's no way for the reader to answer the question themselves.

You physically describe this bird, yes, but what is the significance of the bird? Is it going to eat the child? Does it symbolize God? Give me something to find interesting. As it is, there isn't even a literal answer to the child.

I think you should allow the mother to speak. I don't have any feeling of presence from the mother, and I think that it would be a good thing to have the mother have some input. Even "I don't know" would be something. That could add meaning to the poem: authority figures do not know all.

I hope that this proves useful to you. Happy YWSing!

Hello CapitalMonday here for a review. i like to begin how this poem made me think; i mean like what is that thing? like how the kid was saying, its imagination wondering what it might be ? Also i enjoy to read few poems with suspense (since the ones i read, are either not well-done for my taste or too long), however this one uses it quite well in this poem.

Nitpick(s):

From what i have read in the reviews below this one, they have hit the problems that i see in this poem.

do you note its huge wings

Gosh, mommy

Holly signing in for a review!

I love how short and sweet your poem is!

I like simplicity of your poem, it really moved the poem along!

"And, Gosh, mommy!" Gosh should not be capitalized. Mommy should be capitalized though.

I feel like note and soaring are a bit advanced for this poem since it's viewed in the mindset of a child.

I like how it ends with a question, it makes me and the other readers wonder what it is as well.

I like how 'Mommy' and '!' made the child/poem seem excited and curious.

Great job!

Can't wait for your next poem!

Hi siya here for review time. You have written quite a sweet poem it is short and simple and just the way i like it. Good job. This poem give me positive vibes and as soon as i read this poem i thought that this has got to be in a nursery rhymr book. I love the way you have made the poe, descriptive by using very simple words. I love the way you have portrayed the child's character. The thing i did not get was the following part-
' Look at the spot where the heart is.
It's white, mommy!
Why is that, mommy? 
What could it be?'

Can you explain to me what you were indicating there. I hope this helped and sorry fer a few mistakes in my spellings but that is because i am writing from a really small phone. Keep ot up. I hope to read more of your work.

I thought this was so cute! I really liked how you did the child's point of view, it's not done very often. I'm not all entirely sue what it's about but who cares because I liked it! I'm not the best poetry reviewer but I try so here is my criticism. If I was correct and this was done in the perspective of a child then maybe it should sound a little more like a child? And if that is not the way you want it to sound don't do it, because I know when I write a poem the way it is is the way I want it to sound.

That's it. All I have to say really. Short, sweet and simple just like the poem. Keep writing I like this. Oh and welcome to YWS, you'll love it here. We're all a family so welcome board.

Very interesting read. I'm not a huge poetry person, as I myself find it hard to look past the words and find meaning within them. I like this poem though, the visuals are very clear with little detail, and I think that's what I find most interesting. Since it is under the mystery/suspense category I automatically thought it might be some kind of alien of some sort, but as I keep rereading it I am still not quite sure.
The part about the white heart makes me wish that the poem was a bit longer, so I too could find out what it could be!
Keep up the good writing
Have a good day

Hey there, Thriver! Hope you're enjoying YWS so far. Night here for a short review.

Well, this is interesting. I liked how the poem's story was told from a child's point of view, and the breathless wonder as they ponder the figure's identity.
However, it's still not clear to me what the "bird" is. I couldn't tell if it was actually a bird with giant wings, or if it was symbolic or ominous or what. Is is a space ship? Is is a dragon? I'm not sure if you wanted it to be left at such a cliff hanger, but for me, I was completely lost on what you were trying to show in this poem. Was the purpose to show the child's wonder at a literal bird, or was the whole poem a metaphor for something darker?
I'm really not sure.

There were also a few grammatical things I thought I'd point out.

Every time you say the word mommy, you must capitalize it. The child is using it as a title, so it should be capitalized. You did this at the beginning of the poem but then stopped for some reason.

And, Gosh, mommy!

Do you note its huge wings..