Published July 10, 2009
I wrote this rather than writing my U.S. History essay. :]
My mind taunts me with rapid transitions from swirling masses of illegible concepts to vast nothingness and back again. My paranoia increases with every thought, or lack thereof. I suppose the fact that it’s mandatory plays a significant role in this torture. I am over-thinking this, every bit. I' terrified of wasted effort, yet it is thevery fear that has caused me to search, exhausted and ill-tempered, for answers for some four hours. The result is wasted effort. Is it a mark of a broken man or of a conscientious scholar to allow such madness to escalate? Four hours, and all I have managed to realize is that my ideas rarely matter. My plans go awry and my thoughts wither away. No, not wither – rather they teasingly run off before I have time to catch a glimpse of their faces. Without so much as a goodbye wave. Nothing ever comes to fruition. One could say I have been putting effort into this, but what is this? This was not asked of me – and what was asked of me, I’m afraid, cannot be accomplished at the time being. I might as well try for some sleep.
Points:
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Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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Naughty! Haha, just kidding. Anyhow . . .
I don't really understand this part. Aren't illegible concepts just as useless as nothinless?
What Paranoia? What's Mandatory?
You just had one gramatical error in there which i fixed. ^o^
Why is it wasted?
Okay, so far, this piece is really good, but I honestly think you need to describe a tad more. All the while I was reading this and Questions kept popping up in my head - none of which were answered.
Hello again...
So this is what you were doing instead of writing that essay? *Shakes finger* Baaaaad.
First of all I think you wanted an "m" in there. And secondly, did you know that the word "essay" is derived from the French word "essayer" which, ironically enough, means to try? I think you can understand what I'm hinting at there.
May I remind you of that previous smacking comment? This is a prime example of why. Of course your ideas matter. In history you obviously can't change events or come up with your own, but that doesn't mean you don't have slight creative license. Plus, if you really believed that sentence up there you wouldn't have written it in the first place. Quite a paradox, that one, eh?
Again, overall, very good.
Hope to see other things soon!