Please be aware that I wrote this poem through boredom, therefore, you might call it strange. I doubt if this is a poem at all. If you are likely to call it a 'waste of time' and such, then leave without reading it at all.
Phobias
What do you do?
When I smother you?
Phobia Phobia Phobia
What do you do?
When I strangle you?
Phobia Phobia Phobia
Are you a Paraskavedekatriaphobic!?
Or are you Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobic?
Maybe you are a Hexakosioihexekontahexaphobic?
Could you be?
Could you be?
Phobic Phobic Phobic
What is my Phobia?
WHAT IS IT? WHAT IS IT?
What is my Phobia?
WHAT IS IT? WHAT IS IT?
MY PHOBIA IS ... YOU!
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140,913 Literary Works • 673,731 Reviews
Question: do you know what a phobia of starfish is called?
Hey Thien! I'm back with another critique for this other poem.
(And the tongue-tiedness!)
*cracks knuckles* Let's get started.
1st stanza: You ought to elaborate, on the kind of phobia that we'd feel if we were smothered.
Because well, if you tried to smother me, I'd give you a black eye, so that doesn't show any phobia at all. Same for the strangling bit. I'd kick you in the guts.
Some people simply won't be intimidated by that, so you should explain what kind of phobia are you trying to induce.
2nd stanza: Gosh, *stares at the big words*, I had to skim through my list of phobias. I actually have an entire list of phobias stored on my computer >_<
I'm weird that way. But yes, the long winded profound-sounding befuddling phobias had a wacky and funny air to them. Especially if you say it aloud with the quick, perky exuberance which I think you are writing the poem in
Last stanza: That was frankly, rather predictable. I figured it out before I read what your phobia was. Oh, and in case you didn't know, in YWS, we discourage excessive CAPS lock use. Making the words bold should do the trick!
On the whole, it was repetitive, but again, in your own unique idea of creative poetry style. Reptition in certain cases, are good ways to emphasis, but only if have the ability to carry it out well.
I think I can understand the kind of tone you are trying to use with that style. I really wished you had talked more about the phobias. Y'know, put in a few more names, insert explanations here and there, that kind of stuff. That would increase the entertainment value.
It was short, and a tad lacking in content. You could try expanding it
PM me if you revise it and want a review.
~Boredom does strange things to us, eh?
I thought that it was funny, all of the poetry I write is really I dunno, the oppisite of this, and I think that Its YWS has at least some of this kind of random stuff on it. I really don't care. I have barophobia, to bad that it's like impossible for me to avoid that. I also have Eisoptrophobia Anyway, keep writing random things like this, they always make my day.
Whooops, sorry guys. Since I was my sister's laptop, YWS was already signed on as VietAngel (my sister's account) when I went on YWS. So what VietAngel just said above me is what I said, not VietAngel, but me!
Thanks again.
Whatever Chuck/Charlotte/SwottieLottie, you so told me to do one, or did you? Hmm... XD. Anyways, thanks for posting people! Don't worry guys, I'll be sure to post a very random poem on any time now.
XD I didn't really tell him to post this, I asked him is he was going to, and he took this as a suggestion to do it!
Anyway, for some reason, this poem is quite catchy, obviously it's not serious, but if you made it a bit stranger, more serious and stopped with all the long words and repetition, this could be pretty cool. I'd like to see you write a serious poem on phobia's, it'd be interesting.
I really like this. My sense of humour is a bit non mainstream, and usually the more funny I find something, the less funny other people find it. I wouldn't take to heart the bad things people say about this. As my dad often says about art; The more out of the ordinary something is, the more some people will hate it, but the more other people will love it.
I'm one of those people who love it. Its fun to try and pronounce those long phobia names. I wish there were more random, fresh poetry like this, not so much depressing "Pity me" stuff.
Keep writing random stuff!!!
I like it. Sue me.
In fact, I really like it. I think it's poetry. It feels like poetry. It sounds like poetry.
poetry:
1. the art of rhythmical composition, written or spoken, for exciting pleasure by beautiful, imaginative, or elevated thoughts.
2. literary work in metrical form; verse.
3. prose with poetic qualities.
4. poetic qualities however manifested: the poetry of simple acts and things.
5. poetic spirit or feeling: The pianist played the prelude with poetry.
6. something suggestive of or likened to poetry: the pure poetry of a beautiful view on a clear day.
As taken from the Meriam Webster dictionary.
I do not think that it is at all a waste of time. It is an expression of self. The long words, cumbersome though they are, were meant to be so. (I actually have an oddly strong ability to pronounce even the trickiest words correctly in a very short amount of time, though. I mightn't be impartial. It all depends on breaking it down piece by piece.) Once you get past your initial bias that such things destroy poetry, you can begin to see the beauty--it shows something about you as a person, and purposefully highlights our lack of knowledge in what each term may mean.
Hoorah, I say, for thinking outside the box, and having the courage to post it here. Please remember--though being unusual may hurt, being unremarkable can kill.
OK, I apologise to whoever I offended.
Your title( phobias) really isn't the best choice. Maybe if you try to put it in singular. I already said some harsh stuff so ... If you really think that putting poems that you say that suck as a topic is a funny thing, then you need help..like..ummm..medical assistance... And if you do that you consider us, who aren't so "funny" , as idiots...
isn't it funny how this has the most comments out of all the poems i've read
So what if it is s***? He admits it is s***... and waste of what?? this poem has absolutely nothing to do with your life... if he spammed the forums with them it would begin to be... but one poem on one day is nothing to get worked up about. I think he's right: poetry is too dark on here and in general. I'm the biggest example. Why are we so elitist with our art that we frown upon those who do it unconconventionally? We're turning into painter's for god sake lol.
Infamy has the same connotations as fame...
So i see who the real wnner here is.
Good on you thien, I will probably avoid a great deal of your posts from now on lol, but you have my respect
P.s i probably will read them simply out of curiosity
OK, a couple of things:
1. darko.demark666, please refrain from using chatspeak in the forum and from insulting other members. You're entitled to your opinion, but calling Thien a moron and continuing to come back to the thread suggests you're simply looking for trouble. Drop it. Seriously.
2. Thien, your comment to Angels-Symphony was out of line. I understand it can be difficult to accept criticism but YWS has a clear rule regarding arguing with critics: don't do it. You don't have to agree with Angels-Symphony nor are you bound to take her advice, and however harsh she may have been your response was uncalled for. She did not attack you personally. Moreover, if you're not going to take your work seriously or you decide to post pieces you don't even like just to be "funny" then I'm sorry, but you're going to have to expect this sort of reaction. It's really quite silly to post something you think is crap and then get offended when other people take it to be such. Perhaps next time you might like to think about that before you give in to SwottieLottie's amusing ideas, m'kay?
Thank you.
~bubbles
Just because....lol... funny guy u r...
----
Hi Monument Soul, thanks for saying it's nice. Hehe XD
Darko Demon whatever, it's strange that you posted three comments on my piece of work. At first I thought you were just stating your opinion, but now it seems you are looking for trouble. Sorry, but YWS is no place for this trouble you want to cause. If you want trouble, why not go on another website?
(Sorry for this guys, but I don't understand why he has to come back three times to tell me how pathetic I am and how my work is pathetic.)
heheheheheheh
this is some crazy stuff, i mean, I thought I coul;d right something unuasual.
I admire your brave insanity, and fierce defense of your internal sanctity.
this was an okay read.
i don't know why you'd make this
but I'd like to.
I sense a spunky sweetness about this whole crazy thing...heh heh.
I think it's almost adorable.
I don't know where you came from and and I don't know where you're headed.
I'm enjoying the ride.
the crazy words the crazy theme about irrational fear of nothing and everything.
I think this all good.
Yeah...if you want humor you can jump to forum and search for it. It has a lot of funny stuff. In case you didn't notice, this is were "boring" poems are supposed to be...Okay? The saddest thing is that your poem has something, but you didn't even bother to fix it. Oh, and your humor is crappy... Seriously, that poem wasn't funny, it was, as you say, boring....
'till the next time....
You have a fear of Friday the 13th? How dare you? DO NOT SUCCUMB TO PETTY SUPERSTITIONS!
Hey Thien ^^ Shina here and I'll be your reviewer today.
From reading the title, I was expecting something weird, but this disappointed me. I was hoping for something catchy, but this was not catchy at all. The other reviwers have a right to their own opinions, but they were a little harsh. But at least they didn't lie. This was probably a waste and maybe you should've kept this one to yourself. Try again though.
Well, I was expecting something strange and kind of creepy. I think you may have inspired me a little ^-^. What the heck is the 3rd phobia??? *googles*
Thanks Darko.. whatever 666 devil thing... This site needs more humour and strange people (Like Me XD). There are too many boring poems .. I'm just maintaining the balance XD
I did not, Thien, now everyone knows YOUR real name, but you already advertised that three times in your username. I don't mind being known as Charlotte. SO:
You did too, Charlotte! Muahaha, everyone knows your real name now SwottieLottie!
I did not! You did this of your own accord! LIAR! XD
Well, it's wasn't funny...actually, you make a big moron out of yourself...
If you haven't noticed, this poem was deliberately meant to be strange/crap. I hardly consider it a poem at all. I only created this poem because I was extremely bored and SwottieLottie thought it would be funny to post it on YWS.
Lol...poetry isn't words spilled on a piece of sh...paper...
Wow, this was really something. I'm sure you must be one of those 'special' people, eh, Thien?
My friends TTHo95 and Child'splaysucks78 say that this really sucks and I think that they are right. Tee Hee!
And for all those normal YWS people out there, don't worry, I'm not a bad critter, I know this insane guy, and this is revenge XD