Young Writers Society

I really really like this~! It's so short but clearly describes the emotions that are being evoked. I especially adore the line "The lightning passes from your eyes, just freeze me;" because it just struck me in a way that I can't really describe. This reminded me of someone that I care about very much which I suppose is sort of another message in this poem about how it can feel like you're drowning or otherwise unable to breathe when you care this much about a person. I like that you kept it concise because it helps to drive the message home and I don't really have any critiques or suggestions. Again, I really adored this piece. Thank you for writing it!!

~Mack

I really really like this~! It's so short but clearly describes the emotions that are being evoked. I especially adore the line "The lightning passes from your eyes, just freeze me;" because it just struck me in a way that I can't really describe. This reminded me of someone that I care about very much which I suppose is sort of another message in this poem about how it can feel like you're drowning or otherwise unable to breathe when you care this much about a person. I like that you kept it concise because it helps to drive the message home and I don't really have any critiques or suggestions. Again, I really adored this piece. Thank you for writing it!!

~Mack

Very thoughtful poem that highlights the power of falling in love!!

You've kept the poem very concise, which works to your advantage because a lot of times, less is more.

One thing I wanted to point out is that you have a few verb inconsistencies; specifically, this line:

The ray passes from your eyes just freeze me;

Hi, I'm Clairia, here to leave you a review! (Welcome to YWS, by the way! )

This is adorable. Falling in love/being in love is such a wonderful feeling, and you capture it so beautifully. <3 I really hope you've based this off of personal experience. Those butterflies in your stomach come across so effortlessly in this piece and it was such a fun little read.
Your imagery is really spectacular. I loved these two lines in particular:

My heart is beating like muffled drums;

Our eyes are singing the duet;

The ray passes from your eyes just freeze me;

Hello Theva,
Stellarjay here for a quick review!

1) The only thing you could change, would be to use more descriptive words. Right now there isn't any strong emotions that can be easily read. But remember to keep it balanced, Otherwise it'll be too difficult to read.

But in truth, this was a very well done poem! I liked how it was short and sweet.
Keep on writing!
-Stellarjay