Young Writers Society

Magnificent..."A potato fanffic" is about love. It's about family. It's about home. A searing report of the school idol frontlines...as harrowing as it is heartbreaking.

I really enjoyed this. The drama was easily identifiable, and I loved all the references scattered throughout it. Honestly I have never seen this many separate points of reference in one story, and eagerly await the next installment.

You open up poetically with an iambic tritameter and a Dan Quayle reference as a masterful metaphor for our education system, and with the nod to Ratatouille as a subtle and effective touch to blame it all on our pop culture, I was hooked. But all that changed when the Fire Nation came in to your introductory paragraph, and at once you were channeling e.e. cummings.

You are the Cy Twombly of literature. Good show, old sport.

Hey, Theresa! Adrian here for a review. Now, I haven't written one in quite a while so I may be a little rusty at this. Anyway, on with the show!

To be perfectly honest, this was hard to read. The spelling and grammar was poor, the plot difficult to understand, and there wasn't much her in terms of character development. Or even that much in characters at all. When just glancing this over, all I see is excessive caps and poor punctuation. Whether this was intended to be a humorous work or not, it needs some fixing to actually be seen as one. There is a major difference in writing poorly in a way that is funny and writing poorly in a way that is disheartening.

Actually, one thing about excessive caps is that it actually drives potential readers away. I had considered not even glancing through this because the sudden wall of caps hurt my eyes. While capitalization can be shown to portray urgency, it can also jar the reader. And when used too much, it lessens the quality.

This may just be a preference of mine, but typically when you're uploading a fanfic to a site, you want to leave a quick note telling the readers what the fanfic is about, what the source material is, and that you don't own the source material. It's common courtesy. The only reason that I know a little bit about what this story even is, is because I recognize the intro from Avatar: the Last Airbender. But skimming through this, I don't know any of the characters. From what I can gather, Theresa is a self insert and the rest are OCs (original characters). Or maybe this is a crossover with another fandom. Nevertheless, it was confusing to read.

In order to write a good story, you need to establish a setting and a plot. The readers need to at least have some form of connection to the main characters. Since there was a lack in description, I couldn't envision a setting. The grammar and spelling was so poor that it distracted me from whatever could have been considered plot. From what I could understand, the story started in first person and ended in third? Which is incredibly confusing in of itself. There was nothing to indicate the switch.

werent nico nico rage dead in the fist chatper?

But tehn the key broke and aquarius died.

Hi there! Hope here to review!
First off, you are super creative! Who would think of doing a potato story? You did! Aside from some spelling and grammar errors, your story is pretty great! It's fun, short, and humorous! All of us need a good laugh once in a while. And you do just that. You should do more of these, I really enjoy reading them! Thanks for posting this. Also, was the capitalization on purpose or not? It doesn';t matter, I was just wondering...All in all, great story! I laughed really hard...I'm not entirely sure why but...whatever...

Hey, Theresa! I'm going to attempt to review this, but going by the title I think it's going to be something that's not meant to be edited. Am I right? Anyway, here goes...

This confused me at times and it's not even your fault. When you introduced one of your characters as Nico, and then another as Frank, I just couldn't stop thinking of the Percy Jackson world. And then you mentioned the Fire Nation and I thought of Avatar. But this is irrelevant. I shall continue.

Plot wise, you could maybe give a better explanation of why meeting the four wizards resulted in a quest. It skipped from one scene (meeting the wizards) to the next (the quest) without any transition to explain it. So yeah, a better explanation of that is a way you could improve this.

It was cool how you gave this sentence (But tehn the key broke and aquarius died) a whole paragraph to itself. The previous paragraph got me all hyped up and reading at a fast pace, then I read this and I everything slowed down. It was one of those 'ugh... bummer' feelings which I think is what you were aiming for.

Okay, now for a conclusion. It didn't make much sense to me at all. But since this is a fanfiction for potatoes I don't think that matters. Thanks for sharing.

Hi there, ForgottenMemories here to write you a review since this is floating in the abyss of the Green Room.


To be perfectly honest, I don't even know where to begin so I'm just jumping in with both feet.

First off your spelling hurts me. I'm a grammar Nazi and that many misspellings could be intentional but then I'd have to assume that this is written from the point of view of a 2 year old. This in itself makes your work hard to comprehend because it takes the reader longer to read since they're having to decipher what everything says.

Secondly, This is all over the place and makes no sense. It's ridiculous and I'm not trying to be rude or mean but this really should be edited for the sake of knowing what this story says, I'm not going to lie. After I read the first sentence I skimmed your work. That's not a good sign if a reader skips parts because they can't read it.

Hope this helps you

~Memories