Surrounded by a world of jesticular slaughter,
The pigs; the bastards of a lacerating rejiment,
Eating away at the flesh of my brothers;
The wolves, they feed on the related blood around me,
My eyes, they sting
With the thunderous flashes of imagery,
The flaming black mess surfacing within this cage.
My worries, they peak
FAR ABOVE THE SKY
And I cry out through the emanating abundance of decay.
Decomposition fills my lungs and my worries continue to rise,
Oh, for the love of mercy
Break these chains from my heart
And let the suffering dwindle away.
As the cannibals tear my skin and dig deep within
I let out a hitching prayer in the shelter of my mind,
My prayer burns away,
A fading ember.
The doom of me has onset with speed and my eyes,
They bleed with blood infused tears. . . .
No savior came abound to save me in my time of need,
No vagabond found this room to rest the slaughtered six feet deep,
The rejiment of human-feeders lived to the grave though gloomy days,
Feeding on the inoccent and gathering the young---
Gathering the army!
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
This is beautiful, and yes, you do have a good vocabulary.
There is a lot of imagery in this piece, its enthralling; however, it seems like all that glitter is shading the meaning of the poem (That’s just my opinion). I don’t understand the meaning completely, but that doesn’t make it wrong. It would be cool if you could elucidate for me. Your works has deep meanings, which demands the reader to actually read what’s there; it’s a concealing factor. Good poem!
I enjoy this:
&
P.S- You have a good vocabulary.
A regiment is a large group of people, or, if you wish, something else---or it can have other meanings. The regiment in this is a group of cannibals. This poem is all speaking of the character as he and his brothers are slaughtered and devoured around him. In the beginning I throw in the image of jesticular mutilation to through a sign of carnage into the mix. It was a strange way to start it but I think it works. At the end the character lets out a prayer in his mind which goes unanswered. He wanted someone to find this cluster of cannibals and stop them from gathering more victums and feasts---the victums being children which will grow and develope a taste for human flesh.
Hey Faded!
First of all, I think you have a couple of typos in here! You repeat "rejiment" several times, but I think it should be "regiment." And then you have "inoccent" when it should be "innocent." So just do a quick spell check and make sure you got everything like that.
As far as this poem goes, it's a little bit confusing! You talk about jesticular slaughter... which is rather funny because I looked up the word and found that it's a slang word to describe male genitalia in a funny way. So you have a kind of army image straight up, but then there's this cannibalism, but then he's getting buried... I don't know. It's like you have all these symbols of death (wars, cannibalism, buried) but they kind of contradict each other. In wartime, I don't really think cannibalism is much of an issue. And if you have cannibalism, you don't really have to bury them, do you? So you have a bunch of weird death images together when they really don't make sense together. You might want to streamline it a bit!
Best of luck, and welcome to YWS!