Authors Note - I apologize but I accidently posted Chapter Four first before Chapter Three :S
Chapter Three
Katherine sat huddled beside a small fire, someone had brought her a cloak earlier and now she clutched it closer to ward of the chill of the night. Her eyes were fixed on the red and orange flames dancing in front of her, as she thought of an escape plan. There is no way I will be here tomorrow morning, she thought to herself, come morning light I will be half way back home to rescue my mother. She couldn’t believe Kieran had forced her to stay here in his camp, while he and a couple of his men went to rescue her mother! She probably knew more about the land in the West than they did, she lived there after all! What hurt Katherine most was how easily her mother had lied to her about Kieran, lied to her about everything! Suddenly Katherine felt as if she didn’t even know the woman she called mother.If her mother had lied to her about being involved with outlaws in her past, had she also lied about what had happened to her father? Questions flooded through Katherine, questions she needed answer to.
“You should get some sleep tomorrows a big day,” came a soft female voice, breaking Katherine’s thoughts.
Katherine glanced up to see a beautiful dark haired woman in her mid-twenties, maybe a year or so older than herself, “Sleep?” she snipped, maybe a little harder than she should have, “How am I to sleep knowing my mother is to be hanged a soon as the King’s soldiers arrive at the castle any day now, and I am here miles from where she is?! Kieran and his men are far behind; they will never be able to make up the two lost days it took me to get here with the letter! The King’s soldiers and my mother are probably a day’s ride from her death!”
Anger soared through Katherine’s veins and she jumped up and left the fire. She knew the woman was probably just trying to help but right now she didn’t need, or want, anyone’s help. She just wanted to be alone. No, she wanted to be with her mother. She wanted to be curled up in her mother’s arms, like she was when she was seven. Her mother would stroke her hair and tell her stories of the bravery of her father.
A tear slipped from Katherine’s face and she quickly wiped it away before anyone saw. She wasn’t going to be seen as the weak girl, she wasn’t weak. Sucking in her tears and grief, Katherine started for the outskirts of the camp where the horses were tied. She didn’t know what she was thinking, at the moment she didn’t want to think. All that flooded her mind was the lies her mother had told her, and she want to think or talk about anything. She wanted to clear her life completely from her mind and start over. Katherine, now away from the camp and anyone’s view, let the tears fall freely from her face. She wrapped her arm around her horse’s neck and buried her face in his mane.“Why, Storm?” she sobbed. Storm sensing her grief and anger, nickered softly and nudged her shoulder gently.
A rustle of leaves brought Katherine back from the place in her mind, to reality. She jerked her head up and looked in the direction the noise had come from. A couple seconds later one of Kieran’s men appeared. Quickly she turned away and brushed the tears from her eyes and wiped her face. After she had gained her strong composer she turned back to him. The man looked a couple years older than her, and held an air of uncertainty. Katherine had seen him around the camp a few times yet she had never spoken to him.
“Belle asked me to come in see if ya was alright. She’s quite worried about you since you didn’t eat your supper,” the man scratched his red beard stubble as he spoke.
“I’m fine, thank you though,” Katherine said trying to not choke on her words.
The man nodded, “I’ll let her know, yet from my opinion it’s better to eat something so Belle doesn’t worry,” he winked at her, “She adopts everyone as her own.” He smiled at her and then started back towards the fire. He walked a couple feet then stopped and turned around, “By the way, I don’t think we ever were introduced. I’m Morgan.”
Katherine tried for a smile but she didn’t know how convincing it was, she knew he was just trying to be nice. “My name’s Katherine, thank you for the gift of your name.”
Morgan nodded and then started back towards the fire. Katherine took a deep breath before starting after him. She didn’t want to be rude so she decided to go and eat what Belle had made, even if she didn’t feel like eating anything at all.
As night approached, Belle insisted on Katherine going to bed right away. “Go to sleep,” she said in a firm yet gentle voice, meaning she was asking but she wouldn’t take no for an answer. “My husband Logan will take first watch, and Morgan will take second watch. You and I shall sleep.”
Katherine nodded and pretended to be tired. She didn’t have to pretend too much since she was overly exhausted from everything that had occurred in the last couple days, but she was determined not to sleep. She would wait until second watch to leave, that way most of everyone was exhausted and ready to sleep. Plus, she didn’t want to have to sneak past Logan. He was a hulk of a man who had arms as thick as branches and stood over six feet tall. He could overpower her easily, whereas Morgan was a little more her size to handle.
***
Morgan sat across the fire from Katherine, watching her breathe in and breathe out.Everyone was asleep except him and her, even though she pretended to be. He knew she was awake just waiting for her chance to escape. He knew that because, he would be doing exactly that if he were in her position. Waiting for Logan to go to sleep was a smart move, he thought, even though his pride was kind of hurt since she had most likely waited until his watch, because she thought he was a smaller opponent. In all truthfulness she was right, he wasn’t much. He wasn’t big like Logan with arms as large as tree branches or as smart as Kieran with all his devious plans, or for a matter of fact, as charming as Colm, but he liked to think of himself as useful.Useful for what, that he did not know yet.
Morgan sighed and played with his bow and arrow, his preferred choice of weapon.He didn’t like the sword for he wasn’t one to be able to kill at close quarters. The axe was too heavy, and still up close, so Kieran had given him a bow and arrow to try out. After a couple years of working with it, he was now a pretty decent shot. He was by far not as great as Kieran the famous ‘Robin Hood’ but he considered himself to be still decent. He didn’t have any trouble reaching his target he aimed for during practice, yet when it came to taking another man’s life in battle, he froze.How could you take another man’s life, without knowing if he was truly evil or just raised on the wrong side? He had often asked himself.He would never voice his opinion about killing to his older brother, Colm. He hadn’t wanted to look weak and have to be stuck at camp with the womenfolk, yet the guilt of taking another human’s life nagged at him every day, never letting him rest.
Suddenly a thought struck him, since he wouldn’t be able to stop Katherine from leaving, why not join her? He could help her free her mother, and return home the hero! If Kieran had already freed Snow White then there wouldn’t be any harm and he could try again some other time. His excuse for getting caught would be that Katherine had already left when he had gotten up to do the rounds around the camp, and he didn’t want her to be alone out in the woods so he followed her… Morgan grinned at his plan, liking it. Quietly he stood and went around the fire to where Katherine was sleeping; if they wanted to leave he had better do it now, before anyone began waking up. It was still two hours until dawn and he wanted to put as much distance as possible between camp and himself before then.
Crouching down beside her, he gently placed a hand on her shoulder and shook her to wake her up. Even though he knew she was awake already. Katherine turned and glanced at him, to his amazement she didn’t try and pretend she had been sleeping. Instead she roughly grabbed his arm in her hand, with a surprisingly amount of strength and whispered, “Don’t you ever touch me again, ya here me?”
Morgan glanced up at her eyes and saw a mixture of will power and determination with a dash of panic, he quickly pulled away from her crushing grip, “Ouch!” he whispered rubbing the spot she had grabbed, “Remind me never to try helping you escape again!”
Katherine looked at him with wide eyes, “Your what?” she asked, her voice low so she didn’t wake anyone sleeping in a tent nearby.
Morgan ignored the throbbing in his upper arm, even though he was sure he would have a bruise the following morning, instead he acted as if she hadn’t hurt him all that bad, “Helping you escape to rescue your mother, are you deaf or something?” he asked.
Katherine pushed herself from the ground and stood up, Morgan reached to help her but she glared at him and he stopped and raised his hands in innocence, “We have to hurry if you want to get away, Logan usually gets up at dawn and I want to be as far away as possible before he finds out we are gone.”
Katherine eyed him suspiciously but knowing he was right, she decided to not ask questions until later when they had the time. He looked sincere in his desire to help her, yet she didn’t trust him. Most people, who look like they want to help, really didn’t give a shit about you and were in it for a different reason all together.She didn’t care what he wanted, she would give him anything to let her escape, so she decided to escape first and then talk about his benefits after they were gone.
“Do you have a plan, or is everything just spur of the moment type thing?” Morgan asked, his voice still low, as he grabbed his bow and quiver from the ground by the fire.
Katherine shot him an annoyed glance, “Of course I have a plan! Who do you think I am, an idiot?” she asked her voice low but clearly annoyed. She in fact did not have a plan, and was thinking of making it up as she went, but she was going to let him think she had everything worked out in her mind.
Morgan wisely didn’t comment on her last words, as he started for the big tent that held their entire supplies, “Okay, well I’m going to get some supplies first. You get the horses ready to ride, mine is the reddish colored gelding. Be quick and be quiet.” He warned, before slipping off towards the tent pretending not to hear Katherine’s soft snort.Morgan passed Logan and Belle’s tent at a tip toe, he knew Logan was a heavy sleeper but he still felt the need to sneak, for Belle was not. Once he arrived at the supply tent he looked around to see if anyone had awoken and come out of their tents to check on him, seeing no one he slipped into the tent.Randomly grabbing two saddle bags from the corner he began filling them with things he thought they might need. After he was satisfied that they had everything they might need on the journey, including two knives and a sword for precautions, plus a whip which he knew how to use, and some rope, he grabbed another saddle bag and filled it with food. He brought food that wouldn’t spoil if kept in a bag for a couple weeks, and then a couple casks of water. When he had finished, he slung the bags over his shoulders and the casks around his neck and started back for where Katherine was working quickly, quietly and efficiently, at saddling the horses.He still heard Logan snoring, which was a good sign, but he had a feeling in his gut that someone had awoken.
“We have to leave, fast.” He said as he approached within whispering distance of Katherine. She jumped at his sudden appearance but without replying she finished saddling her horse and then started on his. She had already saddled the pack horse, which Morgan was thankful for. The supplies were weighing him down but he didn’t want to set them down she saw it. He walked over let the horse smell him before he began loading everything that was once on him, onto the horse, except for two casks of water and two saddle bags. The two saddle bags he tied around the riding horses, one on his and one on hers, and each had a cask of water hanging from their saddle horns.
“Done,” he heard her whisper; he said nothing but tied the pack horse to his own. When he was finished, Katherine was already seated on her own horse and ready to ride. She looked at him expectantly, waiting for him to take the lead. Morgan nodded to her and then turned his horse in the direction of the road and gently prodded him into a walk.
Points:
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Canary word: Present
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Hi,
I echo RyuCevenost's sentiment; this is a great variation of the classic story. I like the suspense you have created and how you have got into the characters heads.
Every thing I have to say is minor but I believe would marginally improve this chapter.
A sentence of why Katherine feels like no one would help her, would add to the intro of this chapter. The feeling of aloneness adds to grief.
“Waiting for Logan to go to sleep was a smart move, he thought, even though his pride was kind of hurt.” It gives more impact without the kind of.
By the end of your third last paragraph starting; Morgan wisely didn’t comment on her last words, as he started for the big tent that held their entire supplies, “Okay, well I’m going to get some supplies first. I started to feel as though you were over using the pronoun “he”. There are a few places in this paragraph where they can be cut out for example “Morgan passed Logan and Belle’s tent at a tip toe, he knew Logan was a heavy sleeper but he still felt the need to sneak, for Belle was not.” This paragraph could be further improved by putting in some shorter sentences in among the long ones, thus varying your sentence structure. This would create a choppier on edge feel.
He still heard Logan snoring, which was a good sign, but he had a feeling in his gut that someone had awoken. I would rewrite as He still heard Logan snoring, a good sign. Yet as he left Morgan had a gut feeling that someone had awoken.
This sentence could have both. When he had finished, he slung the bags over his shoulders and the casks around his neck and started back for where Katherine was working quickly, quietly and efficiently, at saddling the horses.
Once finished, he slung the bags over his shoulders and the casks around his neck. He started back for where Katherine
It was a great chapter and I enjoyed reading it. I hope my review helps , All the best Ferran.
Thank you so much Ferran! Your review did help me, and I appreciate it!!
Okay, Hello! Ryu(Southbound)Cevenost here for a review!
Well, first off I have to say, good job! Robin hood is a classic and their are many variations that I have seen, and this is one of the better ones(A lot better than a lot of the movies I have seen, if you will believe me!) And I have to say, really good job. I have a few thoughts, but none of them bad, they are all to congratulate you!
Okay, first, it was a very lengthy chapter. I usually don't see chapters that are this long, and it refreshes me to know that some people out there can still write like this.
Okay, second. You worded this very, very nicely. Correct grammar, no misspelled words(That I have seen!) and a good story line!
I liked how you intuned your own ideas into this, making a classic like Robin Hood(which is an old, run to the ground fairy tell except for the real life one) Come to life! It has been a while since I have seen someone write something about Robin Hood that was this refreshing, and I really do appreciate that you wrote it!
In conclusion, this was really, really good and I hope that you continue to write more on this. I look forward to continue seeing your work on here, and I will keep an eye out for even more of your work!
Sincerely,
Ryu(southbound) Cevenost
Thank you so much, once again, Ryu! I'm happy to see that someone likes my work. I myself have been having some trouble with it ='(