Monsters

Hello!

The night is quiet,
or so it seems.
But I know better,
than to trust my dreams. #FF0000 ">I like this first stanza very much, it does a great job grabbing the reader's attention.

I’m all wrapped up,
inside my sheets.
But I know they can hear #FF0000 ">me, #FF0000 ">'Me' seems out of place, it really isn't necessary.
my heart as it beats.

I can hear the whispers,
they call me near.
But I know they only want,
to provoke my fear.

They creep up closer,
as they try to harm me.
But I shut my eyes,
so I can’t #FF0000 ">even see. #FF0000 ">'Even' can be dropped to help the flow.

My dreams begin,
and I start to forget.
But they follow me here,
and I continue to fret.

I’m lost in the dark,
and no one’s around.
But I seem to be floating,
never touching the ground.

I look down to see,
they can’t touch me anymore.
But suddenly I’m awake,
and I’m lying on the floor. #FF0000 ">I love how this wraps up! Great finish indeed.

Wow thanks so much you guys! Thanks Owl, Morgan and TheAuthor! I knew that the one line/stanza didn't really flow but I don't have any bright ideas on what to change it to?

Wait, you don't normally write poetry? =O

In that case, your really gifted to be able to write with such talent. There really aren't any mistakes besides the ones that have already been specified, so there's nothing much to say. The flow is flawless and the rhyming is impeccable; every word works almost perfectly with the following ones. It kept me hooked from the very first line and until the very end.

Remarkable job.

Wow. I loved your poem. For not writing poetry, you show a lot of talent in this poem. I really like the way you described the dream and the way you brought it back to earth. The flow was amazing as well. I do agree with AngerManagement about that one stanza. Your poem would be better overall if you changed it, but I think that is the only change needed. I hope you keep writing poetry!

Much love,
Morgan(:

I really enjoyed your poem. It flowed well. I looked at some of the corrections you recieved, and those were mine as well, so all I can say is apply them. The eerie part of the piece had me hooked, and the last stanza was a good "pull-back-around" rather than leaving her in dream land. Keep up with the great poetry!

OWL

Thanks Flower Thanks for the suggestions, I understand all of them As for the ending, when I have nightmares I end up falling on the floor, so I thought It showed how this was all just a really bad dream

Hello, Flower here and I will be your reviewer for the evening! Before I begin I just wanted to let you know that I thoroughly enjoyed this!

The night is quiet,
or so it seems.
But I know better,
than to trust my dreams. I love this line.

I’m all wrapped up,
inside my sheets.
But I know they can hear me, I think you should get rid of the word me.
my heart as it beats.

I can hear the whispers,
they call me near.
But I know they only want,
to provoke my fear.

They creep up closer,
as they try to harm me.
But I shut my eyes,
so I can’t even see. This didn't sit well with me. It reads a bit awkward.

My dreams begin,
and I start to forget.
But they follow me here,
and I continue to fret. Love this, I know how it feels.

I’m lost in the dark,
and no one’s around.
But I seem to be floating,
never touching the ground.

I look down to see,
they can’t touch me anymore.
But suddenly I’m awake,
and I’m lying on the floor.[/quote] You didn't really say why you are lying on the floor. Ending like this makes little sense to me, I would suggest changing it.


Other than that I really liked this, it flowed nicely.

If you need anything feel free to pm me.

-Flower-

Thanks for the review! And ya, I wasn't really sure how to rephrase it, but I wanted to get the dream started..

I really enjoyed reading this, for someone who doesn't really write poetry this is great.

They creep up closer,
as they try to harm me.
But I shut my eyes,
so I can’t even see.