She considered her situation, clearing her bias from her mind to look at it objectively, as she was supposed to.
She was a killer. She had taken a life. She had broken the law. If she got caught, there would be repercussions. Her father could avoid the lawyers and the press bias she would need to get out of major jail time, but that would only leave her free to face his punishment. She doubted it would just be a bit more time in the basement for her if she was caught in something like that.
If she didn’t want to get caught, she’d have to find out who was closest and shut them down, however necessary. Right now, that person appeared to be TheFactsOfLife. She hadn’t the ability herself to find out who the author of that blog was, or what this ‘lead’ was that said-person was investigating, but she knew who did.
She checked the time.
12:31 AM
Queenie wouldn’t be home for-
“This is your house?!”
Briar went into high alert. The unfamiliar voice was young, female, and coming from the entry hall. The actual words didn’t register until after a second voice spoke.
“Yeah -don’t touch that- it is, well, one of them,” said Queenie.
There was a moment of silence, during which Briar rounded the corner to see Queenie sitting on the banister at the bottom of the staircase, talking to a very tall redhead whom Briar vaguely recognized as the girl from the movie theatre.
The girl was admiring the crown Queenie so often wore around the house for no reason other than she could, her hand hovering inches away from it as she stared wide-eyed at the gemstone-encrusted gold surface.
“I wasn’t aware we had guests,” Briar made herself known.
Queenie hopped down from her perch, making it suddenly clear that the other girl was at least a head taller than she was, “I wasn’t aware that you were home,” she countered.
“I’m not supposed to be,” Briar stated.
Queenie rolled her eyes and gestured to her guest, “Rory, this is my sister, who is supposed to be at school, Briar. Briar, this is Rory.”
Rory gave an awkward wave, shifting uncomfortably as she tried to figure out what to do with her gangly limbs, “It’s, uh, nice to meet you.”
Briar gave a nod and turned her attention back to Queenie, “I need to speak to you.”
Queenie sighed, “Of course you do. It can wait, I’m giving my friend a tour.”
In Briar’s opinion, out of those things, it was the tour that could wait.
“It is time sensitive,” Briar lied.
A murderous look flashed in Queenie’s eyes, masked only by the sweet smile playing across her angelic face.
“Sorry about this Rory,” she said to her friend, “we’ll only be a minute.” She maintained that smile as she took Briar by the wrist and dragged her down the nearest hall and into the first room. Briar stumbled as Queenie shoved her roughly inside, dropping her facade the moment the door was closed, “What?” she snapped.
Briar took out her phone and opened up the blog, “I need you to find the author.”
Queenie snatched the phone from her hands and skimmed over the text, her white-knuckled grip on Briar’s phone growing tighter as she read, “Have you shown this to dad?”
“No,” Briar relplied, “and you won’t either.”
Queenie gawked at her, “This could seriously jeopardize everything dad has been building for years, and you want me to keep it to myself? Now? When I have more incentive than ever to keep the family business up and running? Are you really that dense?”
Briar’s face was devoid of any kind of reaction. She took her phone back, gently tugging it out of Queenie’s hands, “If you can solve this problem without his help, then you prove that you can handle complications without his intervention.”
Queenie considered it for a moment, “...Okay, you have a point, but why would I want to help you? Don’t think I don’t know you’re going to take the credit.”
“Father knows that I don’t have the technological skill to do this on my own. It wouldn’t be a convincing lie.”
Queenie looked back down at the phone. She sighed.
“Fine, I’ll see what I can do.”
Briar handed the device back to her with a nod, “Thank you.”
“You’ve gotta work on those premature thanks,” Queenie said as she left, “Wait until I have something to give you before you thank me.”
Then Briar was alone.
She thought over her problems again.
Jackson.
The next day wasn’t going to be easy.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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137,476 Literary Works • 672,034 Reviews
Heya Cyr,
Shady back for another review, as promised! Let's get started...
I get what this sentence is saying, but at the same time the "however necessary" is reading a bit strange for me. I'd suggest a re-phrase there, maybe like "in whatever way was necessary" or something. Like right now I'm reading it like "She didn't want to do it, however necessary" if that makes sense. Like... the "however" is making my brain interpret it differently than the "whatever needs to be done" manner that I'm pretty sure you're intending it to be interpreted as.
I mean... isn't Queenie ALSO supposed to be at school?
~ ~ ~
Okay! This chapter was really short but really good.
I really like this dynamic you have here, with the girls being these hard-as-nails types who are involved in all sort of illegal activities and dangerous happenings, and yet having to balance that with being high school students. I feel like usually in young adult novels where the protagonist is this type then the social aspect of the MC is largely ignored (including in my own novel, I am also guilty of this lol), and so I really love how you add in Jackson and grades and such as a further stressor for Briar during all of this instead of letting her just focus on being an assassin.
I do wonder a bit why her father is so set on her having straight A's when, if I remember correctly, even he himself said that the high school thing was a cover. Seems a bit odd for him to care so much about that, since he doesn't really seem to be the sort of "we gotta get you into a good college, sweetie" sort of dad lol.
But I do really enjoy reading this story! I am really busy these days and already committed to following a few other novels on YWS, but if you want to ping me when you post more I'd be happy to give them a read-through if I have time.
Keep writing!
~Shady
Hey Cyr!
Hope you're doing well today or tonight, depending on what side of the world you're on, obviously. I'm here to give you a review! Let's hop right in.
FINALLLLLYYYY. I mean, I've been waiting for... what, fifty years now? XD I'm so happy it's finally here and I get to read this amazing book of yours once again! Okay. Starting.
Instead of writing bias, write something else that can connect the sentence properly.
This sentence doesn't really make sense... :/
In between the two bold words, just add a that. If you don't add it, your sentence seems kinda off.
The comma should be a period because it seems as if Queenie is reading a quote from the blog.
Spelling mistake. Replied.
That's it for my review! Hope this helped in one way or the other. If you have any questions, feel free to ask.
Keep on writing!
~Liberty500
Thanks!
No problem!