Published May 5, 2010
This is John McCain.
Most people thought he was lame.
We voted for Obama,
then he cried to his mama
and then sat down in shame.
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140,099 Literary Works • 672,999 Reviews
huh??
Obamama is gonna ring nick Clegg to congradulate him of his new PMness, oh wait i mean David Cameron. oh Dimbleby
I LOVED this!!!! No complaints. At all. Great rhyming and words. Think you could do one on Palin?
~Sionarama
p.s.
if anyone knows Mcain's email, send it to him!!
Hey Jester!
Two things!
First of all, this poem doesn't really have a great rhythm. Yes, the rhyming is a wee bit off, but it's not bad. The problem is that it doesn't have a limerick feeling. It doesn't roll off your tongue easily. Which is a shame!
Next, this poem really doesn't make any sense. Who is he and we? I am assuming when it refers to "he" it's referring to John McCain. But it's kind of weird too because his mom is dead. I'm not sure why you're bringing that up, but it kind of seems odd.
Anyway, just a couple thoughts!
I actually don't think the McCain-lame rhyme is so bad. There's such a thing as a slant rhyme (also goes by other names), in which the rhyme isn't exact but creates the right impression. Here's the goddess Wiki's take on it:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Near_rhyme
When you're writing a limerick, however, a lot of emphasis is on the rhyme, so the words really have to be too good to pass up in order to make it worth an imperfect rhyme. In this case they really aren't. "Lame" is an overused word, especially in regard to politicians, and you can find another, probably better word that is an exact rhyme with McCain.
As for the content... well, I'm a politics nut, so I love anything related. But this seems kind of basic, kind of standard. I mean, don't get me wrong, it's a million times better than the teenage angst lots of people write, but maybe dig a little deeper? Or aim for funnier, given that it's a limerick.
By the way, I love that you're attempting a limerick. It's too rarely used these days. They're also really hard to pull off, so kudos to you. Keep going with them!
Good luck!
Sophie
Ha, that was cute. I really have no complaints about this one (what's there to complain about?), althought I would like to request that you do an Obama one next.
Hi!
So, this poem! It's definitely cute for what it is, and humorous at that. I only had one tiny nitpick, as there isn't much I can say without you breaking form.
In limericks, you're supposed to follow aabba, but you don't do that here; take your first and second lines.
You have an 'n' sound and an 'm' sound. They're two different things. When you're revising this, if you want to look for saying the same thing, check out Thesaurus.com. It's a great resource, especially if you're limited to the type of words you can use.
When you're writing poems with strict rules, sometimes they may slip subconsciously, so it's always good to double check if you've done everything right. Good luck revising this, and PM me if you have any questions!
-Elinor xo