Published May 2, 2010
Verse 1
Butterfly Ill hold you tight,
Butterfly please don't cry,
Cause your beautiful in my eyes,
So
Chorus
Butterfly don't let your wings break,
Butterfly don't fly away.
Butterfly please stay ,
I love you butterfly.
(repeat)
Verse 2
Butterfly you are my whole life and
if you left me my throat would meet a knife,
Butterfly.
Most other girls should go to hell,
but when I'm with you I'm doing well.
Other people don't under stand,
but you know I don't give a damn,
Butterfly hold my hand.
verse 3
When I'm not with you I want to cry.
I feel that I will die.
I have to close my eyes and go back to this world of mine,
oh Butterfly.
If forever you left my sight,
I would go suicide and end my life,
because you're the key to my happyness,
I feel reborn every time we kiss,
I just prey to God that I don't miss,
Butterfly.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
141,258 Literary Works • 674,331 Reviews
I love the subject matter. But the beat was really, really messy and there was really no structure to it. Polish it up a lot, especially in grammar and spelling.
GRADE: D
hey kory. you know me and uhm yeah theis will definitely be a ort of the demo loved the peerception of how the essence fills yoi with joy and without it you move into a dark deep romance. really good bro keep writing
I liked how it flowed. I agree with Snoik, it was sort of odd. At first, it seemed as if the narrator was actually talking to a butterfly, but then it seemed as if "Butterfly" might be the name he has given his girlfriend. It was a little much, but the set up of the song was pretty good.
I'd love to hear what music would go with this.
Hey Jester!
At first, I was like, "Awww, what a sweet poem!" and then I kept reading it and my eyes widened. A suicide poem made from a butterfly? It seems a little odd! Especially since butterflies are so lovely and everything, so it begs the questions why this is happening in the first place. From what it seems like, the narrator is trying to guilt the butterfly into staying... which is rather eerie and frightening because butterflies really can't make choices and so on. So it's like the narrator is looking at an arbitrary thing of nature to determine his life... not good! And if the butterfly is trying to represent something else... well, it doesn't really work that well because butterflies are primarily lovely insects that can flutter beautifully. So the fact that he's basing his life on that is rather scary!
Anyway, just a couple of thoughts.