I come into the world and it is filled with light,
but what is this feeling of sudden fright?
Accusations are thrown by the women and men,
not fully knowing, the shadows, originating from them.
Oh brothers, oh sisters, is this where we stand?
You run and you hide, when someone asks for a hand.
Oh brothers, oh sisters, please stop with this nonsense.
Contribute with love and compassion, not with its absence.
In this world, change is not valued.
Many, many hours we have argued.
Again and again, I ask you for peace.
And yet, you keep tightening the leash.
Oh brothers, oh sisters, you are sealing your fate.
I ponder, "oh, is it too late?"
Oh brothers, oh sisters, let me ask you this:
How does it feel, falling down your own abyss?
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
Hey there !
so I came here for a review.its tooooo nice . I love your penning. So nicely you have written . I mean without rhyme too its amazing to read. I really appteciate the issue which you've taken.
" In this world change is not valued."
I simply fall in love with this sentence. Hope to read many manyany more awesomely penned pieces from you.
Keep writing and we'll be glad to read. Blessings !
Hey again TZH and thank you for your review and kind words, I really appreciate it! I'm glad you enjoyed it, because I had really fun writing it.
Hey hatter!
Hatts of for you dude- this was a really good one! I seriously love the way you have executed what you feel.
*patts your back* it's really great that you gave some of your precious time to write about something this important.but since this site is all about improving I've got a suggestions for you.
Poems doesn't always need to rhyme. Cause it sometimes limits you while writing and I know that saying this is making me a hypocrite, cause I myself try and rhyme sometimes (which btw end very disastrously) but since somebody advised me that I thought I might as well forward the message to you.
Personally I really liked your work. And hope to see more of them around. There isn't any single thing that I would change in this work of yours. So yeah great job there!
Keep on writing,
Fangirl~
Hello there Fangirl!
)!
Thank you for the precious review and I''ll take all of that into mind when writing further work (I do love rhyming though
Yeah same here!
My favorite lines are
"Again and again, I ask you for peace. And yet, you keep tightening the leash."
"Oh brothers, oh sisters, let me ask you this: How does it feel, falling down your own abyss?"
These speak so much to me. It shows how you want the fighting to stop and for them to realize that you are hurting.
Your punctuation and grammar I think is used quite well (don't hold me to this, I am horrible with those.)
You used rhyming very well, I barely even noticed it until I looked back again, which is how it is supposed to be.
I cannot find a single thing I personally would change. The way in which you took your topic and put into a very well written poem amazes me. (I love writing poetry, but most of the time it sucks.) Very good job, keep writing.
Thank you truly, I appreciate the kind words and the feedback that you've given me. I'm sure you have the potential to write great poetry, my friend, practice makes perfect!
Thanks, I just did some editing on one of my poems and updated it. Would you check it out? It is called Don't.
Done, and done. I wrote a little review on it!
Iblike your penning and the issue which you have taken is appreciated. Blessings
Thank you! Bless.