The Hope of Imagination
Amid the flowers of Imagination
I met her smile
And we walked, and talked
For just a little while.
I will see her soon again,
And I hope my anticipation
Is not solitary.
I am so very afraid . . .
Of becoming just another cliché . . .
What does it mean to Touch?
With the fingers,
With the heart . . .
What does it mean to Feel?
With the eyes, with the mind,
And with that smile . . .
Paper-thin is the threshold
Between these two Worlds
And when again the reality of Sensation
Meets the Hope of Imagination,
I hope to see her smile.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
I thought it was quite beautiful. Like a few others have said, I couldn't really find anything wrong with it. Keep up the good work.
It was beautiful. I loved it. It captured such a strong emotion. I don't exactly understand why some of the words are capitalized, but I'm sure there's a reason. I can find NOTHING wrong with this poem.
*snaps*
Flowers of your imagination? Why? Because it sounds pretty? I don't see how this connects to the rest of the poem, besides that the smiling character was met in a feminine and peaceful zone.
There are some areas where I'd like you to expand your originality. For example:
Oh my god! I do that every day! That's so exciting! ..at least make this conversation and stroll sound a bit more important.
This is technically unneeded, actually. It just shows an snippet of time is demonstrated here, which I already knew, because, as said prior to this, you two had been "walking and talking".
What is a dream within a dream? If you're going to write rhetorical questions, make them short and sweet. "What does it mean to touch / with the fingers, heart... What does it mean to feel / with the eyes, the mind." Furthermore, you never elaborate on this.
What is so magnificent about " that smile ". All we've heard is that it is a "smile". This doesn't make it stand out to the reader.
"The threshold is paper-thin". Steer away from the passive voice. Good old Strunk & White.
I think the point has potential here. I get the hints of infatuation, and I think that the pollen elements of imagination could add to this basis to construct a beautiful outline in no time.
Okay but not terrific. Your use of the capitalization (whether it was intended or not) didn't quite work for me
There seems to be a rhyming scene here, which I find very unstructured for this rhyming scene does not appear elsewhere in the poem.
This sticks out in a not so good way hehe. I find it rather humouristic that you've used the word cliche in this part, for the way you brought this forward is well pretty cliched as well. And cut the dots at the end of the sentence...<---- Jup those
I'm not going to quote here but the stanza following this one is very cliched as well, we've seen it tons of times.
This is what sticks out in the good way, you started with a powerfull description but rather chose to end it a bit "simple". I like the rhyming scene you've used here, but again I see no bond with the rhyming scene you've used in the first stanza which is a pitty.
Overall I liked your topic and was expecting a bit more out of it which I only got in the last stanza. But okay, you caught my attention
Cheerios, Chandni
Very nice. I loved the last verse, especially:
So sweet!
I really liked your sporadic use of capitals... I say sporadic, but it actually really worked well, really made sense, though I'm not sure how.
I was unsure about that middle section... the bit:
I liked it, but I wasn't sure if it was just to protect the next verse... you know what I mean?
Anyway, it's a fine piece of poetry. Keep writing, I'd love to read more by you!
~Sophie
I didn't find anything wrong with it...