This is something, as I said in the description, that I did not put time into making pretty; I wrote it solely for the purpose of writing it. I started it intended for no one's eyes but mine, but upon finishing it, I felt that I needed for someone to see this. And while it certainly isn't my best work, you are quite welcome to review it. Just note that it isn't meant to entertain.
My heart hurts.
It never used to hurt like this when you were gone, because I knew you'd come back.
Do you even want to come back?
You said you'd die for me.
And then we stopped talking, because we both knew what you didn't say.
You didn't say that you'd live through hell for me- and still love me at the end of it.
So do you hate me?
I would.
Hate me, that is.
I ruined your life.
We both know that's true.
I can't stand being in my- our?- garden anymore. I have too many memories of you. And one of them- well, I regret that one. You know which one. I used to say that I'd love to not remember anything, but Cole? I wouldn't give this one up.
Not even if it meant you would come back.
Right?
I can't stand being in my room. I have too many memories of us. Most of them are nightmares, yes, but even those are welcome, because you were here.
With me.
Will you replace me?
You can't.
You won't.
You wouldn't.
Because you love me.
Right?
It's been a day.
You were right. You're never right. But you're always right.
I can't do without you.
I won't do without you.
Do you remember the day you asked- pleaded- no, begged me not to say that?
You thought you made me promise that I'd go on.
I didn't.
And I won't.
It hurts, Cole.
My Colynn.
How I wish I could say that to you.
My heart hurts.
Does yours?
If I had the chance, I'd only say one word to you.
You know what I'd say.
I wish I'd said it when you asked.
But I'll say it now.
Yes, Cole. Yesyesyesyesyesyesyesyes.
Did you ever doubt I'd say that?
I love you.
I figured out what that meant.
It's not what I thought it meant.
But... did you know?
What it meant?
Even if you didn't... I still love you.
And, Cole?
If you forgot...
Yes.
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Hello!
So, I'm going to review this like I would a poem or short story. I know you may not have posted it wanting a review but I'm going to do it anyway.
This is good in a way. It's not overly developed, but I can tell that it comes from the heart and that's what writing is about.
However, I feel as if the narrator says a lot without really saying anything. What do I mean by that? Well, that they go on and on about loving this person but not being sure if they should be with this person without saying why. I get this impression that the narrator suffered some heartache and went through a breakup, but we never get to hear the details of it. We don't even really get to know how the person feels. They just go on and on about their uncertainty. You can make this 100% more emotional if I got to get inside the narrators head more, show me exactly what they are feeling.
I get that this is personal and you wrote it in response to an event in your life, but if you are wanting others to read it you need to flesh it out more.
It is good, and filled with heartache, but it could have the potential to bring me to tears.
Good job and keep it up!
Nargles xx
Yes!!! Flubbing awesome piece of work you got here. I feel like the person talking has suffered from some sort of abuse from her love. It kind of reminds me of stolkhome syndrome. While that syndrome is devastating, and I do not mean to make it sound like I'm taking it lightly, but the emotions, or rather how you expressed them is breath taking. An uncertain love that the narrator is debating is worth keeping, though he or she, knows deep down they could never let go. The only thing that I felt you didn't really need was that second 'our?'
Since it's so close it makes it seem a little overused despite that you only used it twice. Actually there's one more thing, I don't think that a prolonged silence was nessecary in the second line. Maybe a comma would've been better. Other than these two things I loved it. Keep calm and write on!!!! =^_^=