It's Him

Hey, it's Neverland here to review your piece!!

I gotta say, the piece you've written here is sweet. I can kinda relate to this piece, I met this guy, and I slowly started to fall in love with him - only difference is that I refused to admit it to myself or anyone else - and then I found out he had a girlfriend.... She was nice, we were kinda friends, and then they broke up, and I didn't bloody well know!! But still, even when I did find out I didn't do anything, just let myself continue to fall for the guy. Then, one day we were texting and I finally admitted it to myself that I was well on my way to loving him. The next day he asked me out and we've now been dating for almost 6 months.... 0-0

So I really do hope that soon your guy here will open his god damn eyes and notice you for who you are. *Takes a deep breath*

Okay, now there is two things I would like to point out.
One, the spacing, I think it would be a little better in stanzas honestly. I find that when a poem, no matter how long (with in reason, I mean four lines doesn't exactly need it) needs stanzas, it just reads so much clearer!!
Two, you said 'fucking', now I don't honestly give two shits about it, but some readers might, so you should put a warning of some sort....

Anyway, overall I loved this piece and I'm glad I had time to review it!! I absolutely died when I read the ending!! Beautiful!! *Claps loudly*

Keep up the great work and good luck in your writing adventures!! I look forward to seeing some more of your work in the Greenroom,
~Neverland

Wow, this is really amazing. I feel the emotion and stress and love and anger put into this piece. Truly beautiful, I love the imagery and the way you so plainly state your mind. I think the word web is a tad overused though. Just my two cents :-*

Hey there! Purple here to give you a speedy review! Let's get started.
I think we being the reader have all been in a place where we feel like this. A couple years ago, I was convinced that I loved this guy who was in a relationship with someone else that wasn't right for him. Eventually they broke up but he still wasn't ready. In summary, I know how you feel. Sometimes you want to hide your feelings forever and other times you want to risk confessing the truth just in the chance that they reciprocate. I've found that some if not most situations like these are really just infatuation rather than love. I'm not disregarding the clear emotion and beautiful imagery you have here, I think I would like to see that you address this possibility if you can. It's definitely not a necessity because you already have a great piece of writing. Keep it up and have a wonderful day!

~Purple

Hi Cards! I'm here to review your poem.

The imagery of this poem is really very well done! You portray the narrator's emotions, her feelings of sadness, jealousy, helplessness as well as her determination to get the object of her affections, every vividly. All her emotions are laid bare for the reader's scrutiny, and they paint a very realistic but moving picture.

The narrator's shyness and the resulting sense of helplessness when it comes to wooing the man she loves soon morphs into a feeling of petty jealousy and spitefulness against his present lover. And even though she realizes that she is getting constantly more and more entangled in a web of her own making, she can't help but continue in that path, futilely trying to get close to someone who doesn't even notice her. For her it has become a compulsive addiction, and this is portrayed nowhere better than in the last word - saying a simple 'hi' to him seems like a great declaration of love to her, so addicted is she to this person.

It is a very well-written piece. I really enjoyed reading it!

Hi Cards! I'm here to review your poem.

The imagery of this poem is really very well done! You portray the narrator's emotions, her feelings of sadness, jealousy, helplessness as well as her determination to get the object of her affections, every vividly. All her emotions are laid bare for the reader's scrutiny, and they paint a very realistic but moving picture.

The narrator's shyness and the resulting sense of helplessness when it comes to wooing the man she loves soon morphs into a feeling of petty jealousy and spitefulness against his present lover. And even though she realizes that she is getting constantly more and more entangled in a web of her own making, she can't help but continue in that path, futilely trying to get close to someone who doesn't even notice her. For her it has become a compulsive addiction, and this is portrayed nowhere better than in the last word - saying a simple 'hi' to him seems like a great declaration of love to her, so addicted is she to this person.

It is a very well-written piece. I really enjoyed reading it!

This is a lovely peice of writing. It's so emotional, and true. It highlights sadness and emotion due to shyness and an inability to display ones emotions- although, I'm sure you don't need me to tell you that. (Sorry for being Captain obvious, haha.)

I like how he feigns ignorance towards her, too. How he doesn't notice until she says hello. Maybe you could make characters out of this and turn it into a book? That'd be so cool. Her thoughts of being trapped in a web of shyness... That noose slowly closing in on her because of the fact that she can't communicate with others... It's very emotional.

I can tell you put a lot of thought and effort into writing this. It's done well. I have no negative thoughts on this piece, and you should be proud of yourself for writing it.

Hope you have a nice day! ^_^

I really like this! I like the metephor of the spider web with the character and him getting stuck because of shyness and helpless and him from oblivion. Also I liked the phrasing and wording. It adds to the tone and emotion. Great job and keep writing!! I don't have any critics.

I really like this! I like the metephor of the spider web with the character and him getting stuck because of shyness and helpless and him from oblivion. Also I liked the phrasing and wording. It adds to the tone and emotion. Great job and keep writing!! I don't have any critics.

I really like this! I like the metephor of the spider web with the character and him getting stuck because of shyness and helpless and him from oblivion. Also I liked the phrasing and wording. It adds to the tone and emotion. Great job and keep writing!! I don't have any critics.