Young Writers Society

Hola! Emerald here for a review!

The description, "Beware The Citadel"
Half-Life? The Half-Life Citadel?

If that't not it, then I don't understand this poem, either way I still did enjoy reading it, It was fun and entertaining to read. I don't have any nitpicks either! (YAY!)

I'm only gonna mention one thing about the unnecessary capitalization, its a habit, I have it to o_o

Well, I guess that's about all for this review, hoping to see more from you soon Card!

Rating: 8.5
Earned a follower *Thumbs Up*

Hello, Cards.

This is an interesting poem you have here. I'm not sure I really get the point of it, but it was pleasant to read because of your rhyme scheme, which included internal rhyme, my favorite kind of rhyme.

My first suggestion that would make this better is to format it differently. I would break that big paragraph up into lines and stanzas, as with a rhyme scheme especially, it's quite a bit to take in all at once. In that way, you also wouldn't have people complaining about your capitalization enough that you'd have to put a note on the poem. If you break it up with each capital letter, it will be within the realms of traditional poetry capitalization, which many users on this site are familiar with (and in fact insist that it's the only "correct" way of capitalizing poetry, which is silly because there is no right way to capitalize poetry).

You use a lot of commas that you don't need. It seems like you put them in to create more of a rhythm, but your rhyme scheme is solid enough that you don't really need indicators of where the reader should pause. They'd come naturally. Try punctuating this like normal prose and see how much cleaner it looks.

As I said before, there is no correct way to capitalize poetry. But because you said something about it in an author's note, I'm going to touch on it. Not on the capitalization, but the attitude towards it. Let me introduce you to the phrase, "murder your darlings." Of course, it's not saying to murder the people you love, but it's a good piece of writing advice. When you feel yourself saying, in reply to critique, "but I like this" or "but I need this," you've usually stumbled across a darling that you need to murder. Think to yourself. Is there a good reason you've chosen to capitalize this piece this way? Some symbolism? Or are you just justifying it by saying, "it's kinda my thing." While e.e. cummings eschewed capitalization completely in most of his works, he usually had a reason for it, whether it was pleasing aesthetically, or to create a different tone than the poem would have with capitals. While there is no correct way to capitalize poetry, think about the reason behind the specific method of capitalization you're using. Do you need to murder this darling, or is it something that benefits the poem in some way?

Altogether, I enjoyed reading this. I hope you consider some of my advice. Happy YWSing!

Wow, this is wonderful. The emotive and descriptive language is so beautifully strong its a work of art. The repetition of 'burnable' and 'bloodthirsty' well portrays the tone of the poem. The irregular structure mirrors the irregular structure of life. This is only my interpretation (and it may be entirely wrong), but that's how I see it. My favourite bit is the personification of the streets. The way you describe them to have their teeth bared is unique, creative, imaginative and fits perfectly with the feeling of the poem. You are an incredibly talented writer and it would be a gigantic shame if you didn't continue writing like this because you've undeniably got talent. I don't think I noticed any errors, although I'm not good at proofreading. If I had to point out something, it would be the ending. I like it, certainly, but I think it could be better. Perhaps you could explain a few things, instead of leaving a lot to the reader's imagination (although I do that all the time). Sorry if that's overly critical, it's just my honest opinion. Overall, a well-crafted, spectacular piece of poetry.