Little Bird {WIP}

I embraced the hushed whispers of the forest as I travelled through the dense maze of underbrush. It was peaceful here and I missed it. I always felt safe and nurtured tucked in behind the brambles and giant ferns. It felt like a real home. And it was a real home, just not mine. Returning to the earthy caresses of the forest filled the empty parts of me with melancholy and grief.

The thick canopy of ancient leaves shielded the forest floor from most of the available sunlight, but I knew my way without it. I could remember every den, nest, or trip hazard like the back of my hand, and where the veins were, there was water – the lifeblood of this sacred place.

In the center of this forgotten paradise, there was a quiet pool surrounded by moss and large flat stones that few animals ever seemed to frequent. For this pool was special; it was His. I missed Him too, but He could never forgive the mistakes of my past and I couldn’t bear to be around his disgust and mistrust. That was why I fled from this place, only to be surrounded by people who had no time or care for me. Their negligence involving matters of the heart was a bitter awakening, and I found that I lost more of myself each and every day. All Wanderers need even the most basic attention and affection to continue living, without it, things head south rather rapidly. The Decay was not a surprise to say the least.

See, the reason few animals ever seemed to visit His pool was not to drink, but to die. And in the tradition that has been passed through the blood of my ancestors, I too had to visit His oasis in order to finally find peace.

Pushing aside the last of the thorns and vines, I moved into the clearing to see that I wasn’t the first in line today. An elderly buck with antlers overflowing with offerings of flowers and wooden chimes knelt before His thrown, ribs protruding at an alarming rate, and eyes appearing vacant and hallow. When Rowan splayed His perfect fingers over the crown of the old bucks’ head, I whispered the blessing as He claimed it aloud, voice booming into the far reaching woods.

“You have blessed this place, and in return it has blessed you. May you find peace in the mercy of the Forest, and the forgiveness of the Winds. Rest in eternal glory at the feet of Cassius and in the arms of Addison. Be free.” And like magic, as the deer stepped into the quiet pool before the thrown, his body erupted in a sea of glowing butterflies. The crystal green light of his soul was surrounded by an orb of water, swirling midair until it finally descended into the pool and dissolved. There was no sound and the silence was deafening. I was next.

Stepping up to His alter I bowed as low as I could, given the circumstances, and straightened to meet His eyes.

“You have returned.” I could see the warmth leave His eyes. He did love me once, or I had thought He did. I’m sure He didn’t think He would see me like this quite so soon.

“I have come to return my body to the Forest, as you already know.” I faked the calm I felt.

“You were foolish to leave this place, Wren. They have killed you.”

“I let them.”

He had no response to this, nothing to refute my claim. He drove me out to begin with. From there I made my own decisions that had consequently led me back. Only broken this time.

“I will not live much longer naturally, the Decay is turning my organs to ash, and I have waited as long as I could,” Knowing you never wanted me to come back. “Say the blessing and get this over with.” Then a pause, for I didn’t want to say it, but I would never again get the chance to experience pain after this, so why not? “So you can go back to her.” The sorrow was evident in my voice – I didn’t bother to hide it from Him. I heard rumours that there was to be a wedding, and I suppose it was for the best that I wasn’t invited. I could never give my blessing and best wishes, though He did deserve them. He has had a hard life.

He grimaced and shook His head, like there was some greater understanding that I was clearly missing. He looked guilty and miserable. The faintest of wrinkles crinkled at the corners of His eyes, and His celestial features darkened with a frown.

“You have no offerings.” Hadn’t I given enough?

“I have nothing left to give.”

He could not argue with that either. I had served my time to the Great One, bettering the lives of many only to later ruin my own. Rowan didn’t want me back then, only when we were nothing more then foolish children, and that was the crushing blow. Compared to the devastation that caused, the Decay was nothing. I could feel the burning consume more and more of my coherent thoughts. It would be soon.

He could sense it too, and He showed an urgency I had not seen before.

“Let me heal you. Please.” He was up out of His thrown and walking across the pool towards me in one motion. I hadn’t seen Him move so fast since the time I told Him I might be pregnant, and that was to get away from me even though it was a false alarm.

“Why bother, Rowan?” It was an honest question, not meant to be rude or bitter, from an exasperated woman at the end of her life.

“Your time isn’t now. I have seen it. You are going to be a wife, a mother. You will live to see your grandchildren. I have seen it. Let me end this.”

“Don’t beg, it is unbecoming. You know nothing of me. You ruined me. I wanted you. Only you, and you forced me out! Don’t grovel at me feet to sooth your conscience. You have ended enough.” The anger was a refreshing change from drowning in my regrets. It complimented the burning in the back of my skull very nicely, so nicely I almost didn’t notice spots begin to dance in the corners of my vision. I wobbled, dizzy and disoriented. Stumbling, I landed hard on the edge of the pool, pain bloomed across my shoulder and down to my hip. So much pain. I was so tired of this pain. So tired of everything.

The last thing I heard before the buzzing cut everything else out was the swish of His robes as He knelt by my side. His arms stronger than any mans could be, held me with a tenderness I had never known. He slowly turned me towards Him, rolling my wounded body carefully with gentle and tender movements so that my head lay carefully in the crook of His shoulder. Bending down to nuzzle the soft hair on my head, I could feel His sweet breath on my neck. He carefully peppered the sweetest of kisses on the crown of my skull, conveniently where the most pain was. Or should have been. I snuggled further into His arms, relishing the affection that I had always wanted but had never received.

“It was always you, you know,” He whispered, “Always.”

And with that He stretched His momentous pearly wings and flew.

What I didn’t know at the time, was that during the verbal explosion of my feelings, I had told Him I loved Him. And that was enough.