A Christmas Gift

by Thalizar
  • December 3, 2011
  • Poetry
  • Narrative
  • Poetry
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Spoiler! :
Hey everyone! It's been a while since I've done one of these, so bear with me. At the moment, it's not that great, I'm going through some hard stuff, but I'll fix it up soon. The poem is basically about a box at Christmas. The gift that is given, from a boy to the girl he loves.


I'm done.

The final bit of tape on the box.

It's finished.

A sad little box,
full of love and happiness.
Of what was,
but sadly, cannot be.
What one day, hopefully,
will be looked back on,
and bring a smile to her beautiful face.

All that's left are the bits,
of wrapping paper that weren't used.
Tossed aside and thrown away,
They will only ever see the darkness of landfill.
But the box,
that pristine, elegant box,
it's lucky.

The wrapping paper,
it looks at it in envy.
Wishing that, it too,
could be part of Christmas.
But no, this time,
Both our stories,
Must end.

 

Comments & reviews · 3
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User avatar
Laminated
Review
Laminated wrote a review · Sun Dec 04, 2011 9:40 pm

Hola:)

I must say, this was a pleasure to read. It was very smoothly written and conveyed the point nicely.
I like your wording for the most part, and how you managed to give a dramatic edge to a regular occurence.

Just a thought:

It's over.

Now, I must wait.


I like that first line, but "over" seems a little underdramatic. Maybe "finished"?

And "Now, I must wait" just seems out of place to me. Waiting isn't mentioned anywhere else. I think it could be left out. If you don't want to leave it out, though, I would make a whole sentence out of "It's over, now I must wait."

Awesomely done! Thanks for sharing!

-Laminated

User avatar
ladymarmalade
Review
ladymarmalade wrote a review · Sun Dec 04, 2011 12:00 am

This made me extremely sad and pleased at the same time. I applaud you for it takes talent to make a person feel two emotions. :) I love how it was so basic, but had so much depth underneath. Even the format was interesting. It almost looks boxy, just like a Christmas present. You have factored simplicity and a holiday cheer in a short and sweet poem. It was wrapped up nice and tight. Well done.



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