This is a poem I had to do for school, and I thought it turned out well. It's really short, but please let me know what you think anyways, whether it's pretty good or utter garbage. I put it in code to separate the stanzas.
Looming all around you
Shadowing your footsteps
Moonlight streaming
Through jagged stencils
Whispered prayers linger
On the cold of the dark
Eerie silence
Echoes around you
A thick fog billows up
Covering the grassy floor
Blurred by fear
Of all the unknownPoints:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,597 Literary Works • 673,549 Reviews
hey.! texas huh.? i LOOOOVE texas
ok now for my thought on your poem...
i know everyone has been saying this but it does seem a little unfinished. i mean, maybe thats the whole point of your poem..if so cool.! but i had the same issue with one of my works..the user who commented felt like i needed to explain more and finish the story instead of leaving the suspence...but thats what i wanted to do.! i was INTENTIONALLY creating suspence so the reader can think more about what the just read. you definiaitly have me thinking.
also, someone had said you need to have a subject. and i agree on that one. im all for not rhyming and stuff...its original. but the poem is kind of wandering..without a clear meaning. im positive theres one in there..but you dont wanna make it soooo hidden that no one can understand ANYTHING.!
but in all, it does have great potential. and you should keep writing in your spare time and practice...with every poem you write you will get better and better and more creative. dont wait until your teacher assigns you a poem project. do it on your own time.! its fun and rewarding and a great outlet for all of your feelings
I think this has a lot of potential. If you added a couple more stanzas, went a little deeper into detail of what you're going through maybe, it would be better. I mean I'm all about short poems, especially poems that leave you hanging. And you're obviously a great writer, but I think this is a little like just jotting down a bunch of words. Keep writing though, it's obvious you have a lot of talent.
Hi! Aqua here, let's take a look.
Firstly, you need some punctuation in here. There is none, and most lines need a comma at the very least. I've tried to do it, but I have to warn you my punctuation isn't always up to scratch, you might not like the way I've done it, but it needs some.
Looming all around you,
Shadowing your footsteps.
Moonlight streaming,
Through jagged stencils.
.
Whispered prayers linger
On the cold of the dark.
Eerie silence
Echoes around you.
.
A thick fog billows up,
Covering the grassy floor,
Blurred by fear
Of all the unknown.
.
Also, you need a couple more stanzas here. It's a beautiful start, but it's unfinished. I'd say one more stanza about the trees (we need more stuff about them) and one more to really finish the whole thing up.
Hope this helps,
Aqua X
First of all TexanWriter, I know a lot of nice prose poems don't have a clear meaning, but this one just seemed a bit like blabbering. You should define the subject more clearly. And many of the imagery you used was pretty cliche. For instance, "Looming all around you" and "Eerie silence" are both very much overused. They're okay in a lengthy story, but poems are in some ways harder because they need to be original to be noticed.
Good use of words, but to me only seems half finished. Knock out a couple more stanzas and this will be really good.