I was bored when I wrote this, so don't get all huffy that this ain't the best...
Pickles
I opened the jar
And to my surprise
Out jumped a green thingy
Covered in bumps
It pushed out its arms
And shoved out its legs
It split near the top
A mouth filled with teeth
It ran around screaming
Yelling Gibberish
I lifted my foot
And stepped on it
With a satisfying crunch
Its appendages disappeared
Its mouth closed back up
I picked it up
Looked it over
Walked to the sink
Rinsed it thoroughly
And then I ate it
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
#000040 ">HAHA! this was the shiznit! I love pickles!
#000040 ">I saw this whole thing play in my head and I laughed so loud I think I scared the baby, oops. I'm still giggling just reading this over. This was hilarious and I love it ♥PICKLESSS!! YUM YUM YUM!
yeah Cooookkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeesssssssssssssssssssssss
"And then I ate it" adds humor because it doesn't fit in and it adds immaturity making it funnier...
I can't find another words because "Arms and Legs" would make that line longer making it not even match worse because all the other lines are shorter...
Here's a cookie for each of my reviewers! *Gives them all a cookie*
For some weird reason, I liked this. Maybe because it wasn't so overwhelmed with angst like the other poems I've read. Even so, I think the last line is a little weak and doesn't fit in with the rest of your poem ("And then I ate it." Come on!) I also think the word you use, appendages, seems a little out of place. Look in your thesaurus and come up with a better, simpler word. Simpler words in this poem make the meaning more humorous.
Ya know, no one but the people I told to review have reviewed... WAHHH!!!!!!
Ok, im over it...
Here ya go!!!
HEY NO FAIR I WAS ABOUT TO DO THAT!!!
I KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE!!
Alex nice job on this story of a pickle.Just next time do it on Mooses.
:thumb: :thumb: :thumb: :thumb: :thumb: 5 thumbs up and 5dancing elephants.
this rocks alex joseph lucier! I'm going to hurt people if they don't reply because this was the most hilarious piece of work i have ever read... excpt for my poem, Broken Dreams... that was pretty funny... ooh, are you going to draw a picture of a pickle?