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140,830 Literary Works • 673,694 Reviews
Ok! Thanks!
Hi! : D Here to review.
This is what i'd call a run on sentence, or my English teacher calls them "energizer bunny sentences" You do this a lot. I think you should go threw and fix those.First of all, I started crying when I read this. So far, Dakota's story is really sad and unfortunate. It makes me think of some of the kids in my school who have bad parents and it make's me think of how lucky I am to have awesome parents.
when you tell about the night Dakota left, it get's intense. But that just makes your character more interesting.
Your story is also lacking a lot of detail. I think you should go threw and add details, really paint a picture of the story. That would add lenth which is awesome for NaNo and depth to the story.
Overall, I think this is really good. I think you should keep writing,and good luck for NaNo.