I look at a picture of me
but all I see are the memories.
If only they were as happy as the photo makes them look,
so much time has passed since it was took.
But when you look, you don't see it.
To you, it's only me
but if you really look,
the photo is like a book.
With a secret story no one knows,
a fable not told, only shown.
Yes, that's a picture of me
but there's so much more of it to be seen.
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140,210 Literary Works • 673,042 Reviews
Hey!
I really liked this poem. The story was great and it's very relate-able. I feel like you could improve the poem by explaining what happening behind the picture. You hint at something bad but what? I think if you fix the punctuation that poem would be even better. Try reading it out loud and hearing where commas and where periods should be.
I hope this helped,
Alice ♥
Hey wow this was really good! I like your style but I think you could have made this a little longer and more punctuation would have helped better with where you were trying to get this to. To me my favorite part was "to you, its only me, but if you really look, the photo is like a book!" Good imagery by the way. I could actually imagine me looking at your picture and seeing what you were trying to do with it.
Anyways good job and,
Keep writing!
~Danielle
thanks so much!
I'm editing the punctuation now thanks to raindrop34 so i think i got that fixed.
But hey if you got ideas about i could make this longer tell me about them.
The photo can not look happy but I got it totally.
The poor punctuation though made me stop reading,think and then start again.
But it can be accepted as your style of writing.
Capital letters are missing also where I think you need to put an end to one sentence and start a new one.Overall,you had wrote it very well.
"a fable not told, only shown"
Was my faviourite part and it was the most correct one though you could start with a capital letter and end with a fullstop because I saw your next sentence starts right.
Go on and keep on writing!
I hope I was still helpful.
thanks a lot and anymore comments are welcomed.
if you could tell me more specifically what really tripped you up on my poem. and maybe show me how you would re-write that i be so great full.
P.S. "a fable not told, only shown" was my favorite line when i wrote it.
Pm me and I will edit it for you at the second.
thanks again raindrop34!!
by the way i totally how like how you recommended i change this to it in
"so much time has passed since this was took."
i liked it so much i changed it to "so much time has passed since it was took."
You are welcome.
ok, so i'm not so good a punctuation and form in poems so if ya"ll could help me out with that
i appreciate it alot.
ok, so i'm not so good a punctuation and form in poems so if ya"ll could help me out with that
i appreciate it alot.