Fearing public judgement, I sit here thinking on my bed.
Thoughts speeding through each and every scenario popping into my head.
Will they like it? Will they not?
To ashamed to lay quietly I decide to give it what I've got.
Who cares what they say, it won't change who I am.
Let them give me the hate and doubt, as if I could give a damn.
Let them think what they will think and do as they will do,
I will take it and learn from it, for support is all I ask from you.
Good enough or not, I don't care, please just lend me your kind ear,
As pointless as this post was, I just over came my fear.
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140,555 Literary Works • 673,430 Reviews
Hey,
I really enjoyed this! I think it conveys a very important message! Your lines are very strong and I love the rhyming! Good thing is, I only have good things to say! YAY! Well you should keep writing poetry because you're good at it!
good luck with your next writing,
-kitty4111
And to think it was only a few hours ago did I reply your forum on The Welcome Mat! xD
I am Brunnera, and shall now review on your poetry. And leave a like at the same time. Just so you know, I read poetry aloud and scrutinize each word, but I am no poetry expert. Any advice I give, you must consider it as a reader's opinion rather than a professional's.
" Thoughts speeding through each and every scenario popping into my head. "
It's quite lengthy, especially for a single line of a poem. Maybe you should shorten it to: "Thoughts speeding through each scenario that popped in my head."
" [To] ashamed to lay quietly (...)"
Just a minor spelling mistake to point out. It should be "Too".
" (...) as if I [could] give a damn. "
If you ask me, I'd change "could" to "would". This is because the word "could" indicates one's capability to give a damn, whereas "would" indicates one's decision to give a damn. See the difference?
" I just [over came] my fear. "
The two words should not have a space in between, or, at least, that's how they spell it in my country xD I'm aware that other parts of the world have different way of spelling things.
Nit-picks done and over, let's go on to what I enjoyed!
If there's one thing that strikes me as particular, it's how you have gone straight to the point. You don't, like most poets, stop and linger on some description (like how disappointed the narrator would feel if he was bashed, etc.) For a work that is "pointless", as the narrator says, I find it poetry short, powerful and full of meaning.
Besides that, everybody can relate to the poetry. All of the readers here have had their doubts, they all have feared public judgement, they all have been insecure once in their lives. To be able to grab the reader into your character's shoes, even for a short period of time, is one of the most important techniques a writer should know.
I am also mildly amused by this. It had two meanings to it, if you ask me. One, is that we should not always be afraid of the public's opinion for being who we are. Second, it's as though you are speaking of yourself...as though you have doubts of whether your work will be well-received by the members of YWS, and that by posting it you have finally "overcame your fear".
Ah, well, I thoroughly enjoyed this, Taylor. Looks promising! I look forward to more poetry.
~Brunnera
Holy cow thank you so much, this was an incredibly helpful review. I typical am a narrative and analytical writer and only started poetry this week. I've been nervous to traverse the complex rules and flow but I'm hopeful now and really want to keep learning! Thank you!
Hello!
So, first off, this was an amazing piece of poetry! It was really meaningful and passes a important message! Good job with the flow!
I felt the last line was a very good last line,that gave a very conclusive effect.
"To ashamed to lay quietly I decide to give it what I've got."
I think you meant 'too ashamed' and not 'to ashamed'.
"Let them give me the hate and doubt, as if I could give a damn."
I think this line would sound better as "I would give damn" because the word 'could' refers to capability, not what you do with your own strong will.
Keep writing!
P.S -This work was NOT pointless!
Thank you! I was so nervous no one would review it but the help and feed back really helps
Hehe! Everybody thinks so at first!
Hello! I'm just going to type down any nitpicks or thoughts that come to mind.
And by the way, welcome to YWS!!!
I like how you started the poem straight away with the main point. It shows that you're not messing around and you're getting the point known.
I think the second line is a little too long. The whole poem flows well except this line. Try brainstorming some ways to shorten it.
This is just a typo. You missed an 'o' in to.
Let them give me the hate and doubt, as if I could give a damn.
This is my favourite line. Too many people care about being judged and they shouldn't. To me, this line is saying that they shouldn't care, and you're leading by example.
*claps for you* Woohoo!! Well done, it's a great poem!
Wow I never imagined people would actually like the little poem I wrote before bed just to brake the proverbial ice. I honestly thought it just sounded like the goofy and simple rhyming poems I jot down, but to be well revived by people is truly baffling and honesty astounding. Thank you for the time you put into my little anecdote, it means more than you think.
You're welcome