Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language.
Note to readers:
This is not a poetry. It is just a quick showing of my rubbish bin at home. I know, this is rubbish. There is no use of me to write this. So do not mind it. And this is rated 16+ for the word 'curse'.
Rubbish Bin
Rubbish bins,
The stinkiest things,
One I have hated,
Made my room smelly.
I didn't realise,
It was filling up,
It became smellier than ever,
It became worse than my toilet,
Nothing that I can dream.
One small plastic bag,
Trying to stuff all the junk,
Now with holes all over it,
As the junk was too much.
Now the bedroom,
Is all smelly,
I hate that rubbish bin,
CURSE the rubbish bin.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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I enjoyed this, but honestly, I'm pretty sure this WOULD be classified as poetry, but whatever you would like to call it, after all, you are the author.
This was rather... special. But in a good way. This was pretty funny and I haven't seen a writing quite like this (it's either that or I haven't seen one in a LONG time).
If you plan to take more random objects and turn them into poems, let me know. I'd love to read them, ESPECIALLY if they are as good as this.
I know you said this isn't poetry, but you might be able to write a little series of other not-poems like this about different subjects. In the third stanza, where it says:
"One small plastic bag,
Trying to stuff all the junk,
Now with holes all over it,
As the junk was too much"
I would have made the second line "Trying to stuff all the junk in,". I just think that would have made the whole thing flow together better.
But, altogether, a very good read.
10/10 would read again.
Oh, and like CaptainSaltWater said, "curse" isn't really a swear word. At least I wouldn't consider it one. Still, good on you for warning about it, there might be some readers who would consider it as such.
Haha! Hello there Tay01! CaptainSaltWater here with a review for you!
This is humorous! And 'curse' in my opinion would not be considered bad language. So I do think it would be okay for everyone to read. Also, I don't like poems when every single letter is capitalized. Here is an example.
Rubbish bins,
The stinkiest things,
One I have hated,
Made my room smelly.
Most poems are like this, but I really don't like it when they are like that. On the first line, you started with a capital letter, ended that line with a comma, and then capitalized the first letter on the next line. Also this line doesn't make much sense.
One I have hated,
Maybe I would put the word "the" in front of the word "one." It seems more appealing and more neat. Otherwise, good job. I would like to see more of your works. Don't give up and always write, Tay01!
-CaptainSaltWater
Well. This is ... Interesting.