16+ Violence

Captain of The Rum Barrel // Ch. 2

Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for violence.

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      Summary (Of the whole Book)
On a mysterious island just off the Caribbean Sea, a fierce pirate hunter named Kiko Koisak'i finds herself caught in the chaos unleashed by an unspeakable fiend. The notorious Blake Diomed, a ruthless pirate, is on a rampage, leaving destruction in his wake as he pursues a hidden treasure belonging to Kiko’s ancestors. Kidnapped by Blake and thrust onto his treacherous crew, Kiko is forced to navigate a perilous world filled with deadly encounters, fierce storms, and the looming shadow of Blake’s enigmatic brother. Their journey is fraught with danger, heartache, and a clash of wills that will challenge everything they thought they knew. As they spiral into a whirlwind of conflict and emotion, Kiko and Blake are pushed to their limits—will they crumble under the weight of their circumstances, or will they rise together as allies? As their fates intertwine, questions linger: Will friendship arise amid the chaos? Will they unearth the secrets of the past? Or could fate lead them to an unexpected love for each other? Dive into this thrilling adventure where loyalty and betrayal dance on a knife's edge, and discover whether a pirate and his hunter can survive the storm—together. The answers await you, just beyond the horizon.

Chapter Two

My Game, My Rules

The air was warm and damp as Kiko slowly opened her eyes, her head pounding as her fight against Blake replayed in her mind. As she sat up, her legs shifted off the side of the bed. She froze as pain shot up and down her entire body, causing her to remain still for a long time.

While she waited to be able to move, she watched the lantern in the corner of the room sway gently in motion with the ship. Twenty minutes or so later, she could hear Blake coming down the stairs to the brig, where she was locked away.

He stood before the bar door and locked eyes with Kiko, who returned his stare. Blake cut his eyes at her and unlocked the door, stepping inside with a slight limp and a bowl of soup.

“You were unconscious for two days, you must be hungry.” He said, offering the soup to Kiko, but she turned her face away.

Blake scowled, he understood why she was refusing, but she also had to be very hungry. Was she just stubborn? Or did she just not want it?

“It’s not poisoned if that’s what you’re worried about. If I wanted you dead, I surely would not have gone through hell to get you on my ship just to keep you alive. Eat. You need it.” He said, trying to be reassuring while also making sure she did what he said.

Kiko rolled her eyes and with a raspy voice, she answered, “I don’t want it. Why are you being nice to me?”

Blake glared at her when she wasn’t looking and sat next to her on the cot, placing the bowl of soup on her lap.

“I’m not asking if you want it, I’m ordering you to eat. And I’m being calm, not nice. I also don’t want you to starve to death.” He answered.

Kiko sighed and began to eat the soup. She knew she wasn’t in any position to refuse him, especially not in her or his conditions.

“See? Not poisoned.” Blake stated when Kiko had finished.

Kiko gave him a side-eye kind of look, and Blake stared back. He took the bowl from her and gave her a glass of water.

“I don’t understand you.” Kiko began.

“Why do you want me alive when you pushed me to the brink of death? What good am I to you? I have nothing you want.” She said.

Blake thought about how to explain when he looked at her with a slight grin.

“You are of great use to me, Lass. There is plenty to be done on my ship, and I know women know how to cook and clean well. But that’s not why you are here, though you will fulfill all the tasks I give you. You are here because you are one of the few people who can give me what I want. Your blood will let me have a great treasure that pirates can only dream of getting their hands on. Your ancestors hid the map, and your blood is the key to get to it.” He said.

Kiko seemed confused. “My families' history is complicated. What treasure do you think my ancestors have hidden?” She asked, but Blake shook his head.

“You will find out soon enough. Rest up, once you have healed, you will do everything I say. I don’t care if it’s scrubbing the deck with a grain of rice or killing someone. You will do it without question or there will be dire consequences, you hear me?” Blake threatened.

Kiko nodded and Blake stood to leave, taking the empty bowl and glass with him, locking the door behind him, and leaving her alone.

“Are you sure the dice aren’t loaded, you cheater!” John yelled. Kai shrugged with a sly grin and a hand of cards. John glared at Kai with determination.

“Cheaters never prosper, in which case, I win.” He said as he threw his cards on the table. Kai looked in shock, how could John have one against his cheats? With that, Kai reluctantly handed John a small sack of coins, about fifty dollars worth.

“Thank you kindly. ‘Twas a pleasure beating you.” John said with a laugh. Kai rolled his eyes and stood to leave. John stopped his laughter instantly,

“It’s just a game, Kai. Don’t take it personally. Besides, now you know that cheating won’t work on me, so maybe you will play honestly next time.” Kai just rolled his eyes and walked away.

John shrugged and put the game away, but while he did, Blake came up to him and hovered over him until he noticed.

“Gah! Captain!” He said as he looked up, instinctively reaching for his dagger.

Blake crossed his arms over his chest with a slight smile at John's reaction.

“Don’t worry, I’m not an enemy. You can put the knife away.” Blake said, and John realized he was still pointing it at Blake.

“Apologies.” He said as he sheathed his blade. Blake let out a soft chuckle and sat with John.

“Is something on your mind, Captain?” Asked John. Blake shrugged and rubbed the back of his neck.

“Something just feels…. Off. Like I’m missing something, or something is going to happen that no one would have seen coming.” He answered. John nodded as he spoke.

“I expected more of a challenge, and more blows done to me. But it almost seemed like she wasn’t putting in all her effort. She was reckless and stupid, her technique was faulty, and her speed and strength were underwhelming.” He said.

“You still came back in rough shape, though. She had to have put in some effort.” John said.

Blake shook his head. “She hit me the most towards the end. She must have become desperate when she realized I wouldn’t go down.” He replied.

“Wasn’t there a lot of smoke during the fight?” John asked, and Blake nodded.

“That might have had something to do with it. She was probably in that town long before you showed up, so that might have caused her to become more lethargic and weak. And I doubt she could breathe well either, she had to have been half drowning in it.” John said.

Blake sighed. “That’s how I ended it. I could hear her struggling to breathe under a table, and then when she came out, I finished her off. She passed out soon after.” He replied.

John nodded again, “Maybe when she wakes up, you can ask her.” He suggested.

“She already woke up. And she didn’t seem very eager to cooperate. I doubt she will tell me anything useful. But I’ll make her talk eventually.” Blake replied.

“You both have to heal before that,” John said while shaking his head. “Neither of you should do anything too physically demanding.”

“You are in no place to tell me what to do, John.”

“But I am in the place to make suggestions. And I suggest that you take it slow for a while.” Blake rolled his eyes but took John's advice.

After a few hours, Kai came up to John with another game to play.

“I will give you one chance to back out. If you plan on cheating, walk away. And if you cheat while we play, I will hang you upside down from the mast until the devil is cast into the fiery pit of hell.” John threatened.

In response, Kai walked backward slowly and then turned to walk away.

“Just as I thought. You will learn one way or another.” John muttered to himself.

The sun was setting on the horizon and the sky turned a series of warm oranges, reds, and pinks. It was a long day for everyone, mostly for Blake and Kiko. Now, they will rest.

Meanwhile, the Pirate Hunting League arrived in the town where Blake had pillaged to find the destruction.

“What a mess…” Noboru said quietly to himself as he and his men searched for any survivors, but none were found.

“Kiko was supposed to report back to me hours ago, where is she?” He asked out loud to himself. Jose, the third in command, approached him with Kiko’s cutlass and pistol. Noboru’s heart quickened as he took the weapons.

“Is this all you found?” He asked calmly.

“We searched, she isn’t here, and there are no survivors. But there is a chance she is alive, her body wasn’t found. There seems to have been a fight based on the conditions we found in several locations.” Jose said.

“Show me,” He replied, and Jose led him to the scenes. Noboru stared and examined everything he could, trying to predict what had happened.

“There was indeed a struggle here, between two people at most. This is where you found her weapons?”

“Yes, sir. Her sword was found near that wall, and the pistol was in the tavern.”

“Very well. We already know who came here, and their captain likely kidnapped her. She said she could capture him, why did I let her go alone? I’m so stupid!” Noboru yelled.

Jose grabbed Noboru by the shoulders and shook him back and forth, trying to get him to pull it together.

“You are not stupid, it’s not your fault, and it’s not Kiko’s fault. She likely knows what she is doing, and that pirate would not have kidnapped her for nothing, so she is likely still alive. Gather yourself and think. He may have left a clue as to where he was going, or he wants to make it hard. I know Blake likes to play games, so for now, we will play by his rules. Don’t make rash decisions, we will get her back. She is my friend and your sister, I don’t want to think about the worst…”

Noboru nodded and took a deep breath.

“I’m simply worried, that’s all. But if Blake wants to play games, I’ll play by his rules. Then, we will play by mine. No one can devoid me of my kin without serious consequences.” He said in a low tone.

“Look for clues as to where he might have gone, then gather everyone on The Royal Hunter, I want to set sail before the day’s end.” Jose nodded and carried out Noboru’s commands.

“Just you wait, Blake. If you harm her, you can kiss that letter of marque goodbye…”

“Keep chopping, bilge rat! Those carrots won’t cut themselves,” Clyde barked.

Kiko rolled her eyes and cut faster. Clyde scoffed at her rude attitude but left it alone.

“Tommy! Where are the potatoes!?” He yelled as Tommy came in with a large basket of potatoes.

“Sorry, sir. I had difficulty retrieving them.” He said as he set the basket down. Clyde rolled his eyes and took the basket.

“That’s because you are a weak, pathetic little whelp. I don’t know why the captain even keeps you around, you are useless.”

Kiko gritted her teeth and paused cutting, she despised when people were cruel for no reason but held it in. Clyde set the basket on the counter next to Kiko.

“Keep it up, rat.” He snarled as Kiko started cutting again.

“Tommy, why are you still here? Go do something useful!” With that, Tommy ran off to find something to do, anything to avoid being scolded.

“When you are done with the carrots, start on the potatoes. Then put it all in the big pot on the fire.” He ordered, and Kiko did as he said, but she completed the tasks quickly.

“Well, look at that. The little wench is finally pulling her weight. Scrub this cabin until it shines. I want to be able to see my reflection in the floorboards. And don’t you even think of slacking off, you got it?” Kiko nodded and Clyde scoffed as he went above deck.

She cleaned everything as she was instructed while lost in thought. Never have I been at such a low point in my life. Who does that chef think he is? A slave handler? How it pains me to see such cruelty to his own assistant, that kid looks like he’s been through it. I swear if I hear one more insult towards that kid from him, I will-

“Ya finished yet?” Clyde asked as he stood in the door frame with his arms crossed over his chest. Kiko stared at him for a moment before answering, “Just about.”

Clyde looked around, mildly impressed by her good job. “Good enough.” He said with an annoyed tone, but his eyes told the truth and Kiko smirked. “I’m sure it is.”

Clyde growled at her and walked closer. “You’ve got a lot of nerve, lass.” He said, and Kiko took a step back. She has seen how he has treated Tommy and didn’t want the same treatment.

“Tch. At least you are smart.”

“Do not talk to me like I am a dog.”

“I’ll talk to ya the way I see fit! If you don’t like it, then I guess it stinks to be you.” He yelled at her.

“Are we going to have any problems, Miss Koisak’i?” He asked in a low tone.

“No.” She mumbled.

“Good. I’m glad you finally-” He began when Tommy dropped a basket full of apples down the stairs, and he went down along with it.

“Tommy!” Clyde barked as he jerked Tommy up to his feet by the collar of his shirt.

“How can you be so clumsy!? How can you be so useless?! I might as well do everything myself!” He said as he raised his hand to slap Tommy across the face, but Kiko caught his wrist.

“I’ve been watching you abuse Tommy for the last week. I’m sick of your cruelty, you are heartless and unmerciful. If it were you who made the mistake, would you like someone to harm you over something so harmless and insignificant!?” She yelled.

Clyde was fuming and shoved her away harshly.

“I’ll deal with you next, rat!” He barked as he raised his hand again, but Kiko let her rage consume her, and she attacked Clyde before he could harm Tommy.

She punched him in the face over and over again until Tommy, Kai, and John came to the rescue and pulled her away. John held Kiko back and Kai checked on Clyde.

“Don’t touch me, dang it!” He yelled and Kai stepped away, using his hands to make a calming gesture.

“Calm down, Clyde. I will get something for your face.” He said as he went to get a bucket of water. Kiko stared at Clyde with gritted teeth and growled softly.

“Savage.” Clyde muttered, and Kiko glared.

Kai soon came back with a bucket of cold water and Blake. Blake knelt in front of Clyde, making sure he was okay.

“I’m fine. Get out of my face.” He grumbled.

“A black eye and bloody nose is not something I can just ignore. It is my job to make sure you really are okay rather than taking your word for it. Otherwise, what kind of captain would I be?”

Clyde rolled his eyes at that statement and didn’t fight Blake on it. After everything settled down, Blake finally turned his attention to Kiko with an angry expression.

“How dare you assault a member of my crew.” He growled as he stepped closer.

John was still holding her in place as Blake leaned eye-to-eye with her.

“This offense cannot go unpunished, lass. You stepped out of line too far for me to ignore. You’ve harmed my crewmate and have shown unconditional disrespect towards my entire crew. Not only that, but you are defiant, rude, disobedient, disrespectful, lazy, and you respond on impulse rather than thinking things through, like a child. Yeah, that’s what you are, a child. You are useless to me if you are out of control, so I will teach you discipline. You are going to learn the hard way since you couldn’t learn the easy way.

You will always be where I can see you. You will work until you are shaking from exhaustion. You will complete all tasks I give you, and every day you fail to meet your quota, you will skip a day of food. You will start working early in the morning until long into the night every day with only three twenty-minute breaks. I will teach you how to become better, and this time, I’m not giving you the option to refuse. How does that sound, Kiko Koisak’i? Was it worth it?” He asked with a serious expression on his face.

Kiko’s face had gone pale as he was speaking, and she only stared at him rather than answering.

“Once again, you are regretting your choices. You will start your punishment tomorrow. Until then, you will remain locked in your cell with no food or water. This will go on until you have learned your place.” He said, and John did what he had ordered and took Kiko to her cell, stripping her of food and water for the rest of the night. “Aren’t you being a bit too harsh on her, Captain?” John asked, finding Blake at the helm. Blake only shrugged.

“If this is how she wants to play, then these are the rules of the game. She brought this among herself.” He said.

John shook his head, “You forced her into this to begin with.”

Blake glared at John and gritted his teeth. “I need her. I don’t care if I have to tie a noose around her neck and drag her along. Her blood is the key, and I’m not giving that up.” John sighed and dropped the subject altogether.

“Any news on the Pirate Hunting League?” Blake asked.

John shrugged, “How would I know? It’s not like I can magically see what’s going on.” He said.

Blake laughed, “What sense was I making? How could anyone on this bloody ship know? I guess we will find out when they come for their second in command.”

Morning came quickly, and before the sun had even risen, Blake came into Kiko’s cell with a bucket of ice-cold water. Kiko was asleep at the time, and Blake scoffed as he dumped the water on her. Kiko instantly woke up with a gasp and tried punching him in the face on impulse, but Blake caught it and leaned in close.

“I wouldn’t start the day off like this if I were you.” He said in a low, menacing tone. Kiko pulled her hand away and Blake stood upright. He then threw her a new pair of clothes.

“Put these on and meet me on the main deck.” With that, he walked away.

Kiko did as he said and met with him on the main deck. To her dismay, he was waiting with a bucket and mop. “Scrub the deck until it shines, you have one hour.” He ordered.

“Are you serious?” Kiko questioned but was immediately answered with a hard slap to the face.

“I’m not messing around, lass. You wanted to play this game, so play by the rules.” He said.

“What the hell was that!?” Kiko yelled and instantly Blake raised his hand again, but Kiko flinched and stepped back.

“You are learning. Now, I’d get busy if I were you.” He said and put his hand down, then left her to do her job, but kept her in his sight. Kiko huffed and rubbed her cheek.

It stings… She thought as she began her work. Soon enough, the hour was up and she was nearly finished. Blake saw she was almost done.

“I honestly didn’t expect you to finish so close to the time I gave you. You either did a fast, sloppy job or you are just a quick worker. When the sun comes up, I will know for sure.” He said, and Kiko looked at him.

“Now, you can clean the canons and weapons. But this time, I will be watching over you because I don’t trust you.” He said as he grabbed her wrist and took her to the armory.

He gave her a rag and another bucket and pointed at where he wanted her to start, and she did. She worked swiftly and silently, leaving Blake slightly impressed. She was good at cleaning efficiently and with haste. He kept an eye on her, and the sun slowly started to peak through the boards of the ship.

“Ah, the sun is coming up, that should make it easier to see.” Kiko muttered to herself. Blake nodded slowly without answering for a time, then he said,

“That’s right. I’d do as much as I can while you can see, if I were you, the sun will go down again.” Kiko sighed at that.

The day was long and harsh, and Kiko was completely exhausted. She had done nearly all of the chores she was tasked with, and Blake wouldn’t stop breathing down her neck the entire time. Kiko was so tired, it was hard to hold anything tightly, and she soon began dropping things quite often.

Blake rolled his eyes at her and picked up the potato she was meant to be carving the skin off of and shoved it in her hand after she had dropped it.

“Keep going. You still have half a barrel left.” He said.

“The sun went down two hours ago, let me rest.” She said in a quiet voice.

Blake snapped at her, “No! You will finish.”

Kiko had no other choice than to abide. The flesh on her palms and fingers become raw due to all the tasks she was forced to do, which contributed to the difficulty of keeping a grip on anything. Kiko eventually finished much later than she was supposed to, and Blake finally granted her permission to rest for the night.

“You may go now. We begin again at the same time tomorrow.” He said and took her back to her cell. She fell asleep almost instantly.

“She lasted much longer than I thought. She has a strong will, but no control over her impulses. I think I’ll just give her days with nothing but training and days with nothing but chores. And once she learns her place, she will keep training with me until I find her good enough.” He muttered as he went to bed himself.

The next day came, and this process was repeated for two weeks. Kiko had become used to it and could do all her chores without being told and with little supervision. Blake had never had a training session with her until today.

“Wake up.” He said as he dumped a bucket of cold water on her. Kiko was startled because this was much earlier than he had woken her up before.

“I thought we were over the bucket thing.” She mumbled as she stood up.

Blake laughed softly to himself, finding her comment amusing.

“Aye, lass. But today I want you up even earlier, today you will have your first training session with me.” He then handed her a wooden sword and gestured for her to follow him, and she did, still hilariously dripping wet.

He, too, had a wooden sword in his hand as he led her to the main deck. “Now, before we actually start, I want an assessment. I want to know your real strength. You’ve healed now and aren’t smoke poisoned, so let's see what you got.” With that, he gestured for her to strike first, and she did. This assessment lasted for over an hour until she was knocked upside the head and fell.

“So you were holding back at the town?”

Kiko nodded while rubbing where she was struck. “Tch… How annoying. You are much better than you seemed in the town, so you put in an effort. You hit me pretty well in the town, but this time, I can tell you were being careful. You don’t make sense, how can you be better and worse at the same time?” He complained as he offered his hand to help Kiko up.

“If I don’t make sense, then you are confusing.” She said as she took his hand.

“What? Doesn’t that mean the same ting?”

“Exactly.”

“It’s interesting how bold you are in your situation. I guess we all cope in our own way.” He said.

“Today, you won’t have to do anything extra, just help out where you can. You are a part of my crew now, whether you like it or not. And in a few days, we will arrive at your Pirate Hunting base, and you will get me what I want. I want to know how to get to the land of the heavens, but I need the map at your base to find the way.” He said.

Kiko looked completely dumbfounded.

What kind of idiotic pirate goes to the Pirate Hunting League as a wanted criminal? And who does he think he is to force me to be a member of his crew? The only thing I can do now is play along and hope this breaks my way. She thought.

“Fine. I can’t promise I will find anything useful, and my brother might still be looking for me. Why do you trust me? How do you know I won’t tell anyone you are there? How do you know I won’t run away?” She asked.

Blake grinned and stepped close. “Because I will be going with you. Me, John, and Kai are coming. And if you don’t do what we say, I will demolish your town until it’s less than the town I found you in, ya hear me lass?” He threatened and Kiko nodded.

“Very well… But promise me something first.” She said and Blake’s interest was spiked.

“Go on.” He said, and Kiko made her condition, “If something happens outside my control, I cannot be held accountable. I am a mere human, and I cannot control everything. And if something happens outside your control, I will not hold you accountable. Fair?”

Blake thought about it. “What about the things that are in your control?” He asked, and Kiko sighed.

“Then I’ll be held accountable.” She answered and Blake nodded.

“I agree to your terms, and the same will apply to me, I’m assuming?” Kiko nodded and offered her hand.

“Deal?” Blake took her hand and smirked, “Never make deals with a pirate, lass. Deal.” He said and they shook on it. 

Comments & reviews · 3
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User avatar
Tikaya
Review
Tikaya wrote a review · Thu Nov 27, 2025 7:42 pm

Hello! If you ever come back, have this review to read 😊

My first thought is actually that you tend to… do a bit of overexplaining. Like for example “the brig, where she was locked away“ feels very redundant the way you’ve written it. Maybe try and rearrange it better, or establish that she’s in the brig some other way? Maybe while she stares at the lantern?

Ah and another victim of my preachings about dialogue formatting. Here we go!

“You were unconscious for two days, you must be hungry,” he said,

See how I added a comma and made “he” not capitalized? “He said” is not a complete sentence. Because of that, the speech is actually part of this sentence. That’s why you connect them with a comma and also don’t capitalize “he”. There we go 😊
[This actually really distracts me when reading that’s why I keep bringing it up]

Wait, I’m confused, does this start a new POV? “Are you sure the dice aren’t loaded, you cheater!”? Because there’s no indication!
Before we go to that, I find it strange that Kiko would so readily agree to “doing everything” Blake tells her too ☹

Love that comeback: “But I am in the place to make suggestions.“

This time, the meanwhile at least helped in showing we are switching POVs. You gotta think abt indicating this better.

Not sure what to think about those friends of Kiko’s. That section didn’t leave a huge impression on me.

I feel like you’re rushing too much in Kiko’s next section. I barely get a feel for where she is and what she’s doing or how she feels needing to do all these tasks for her enemies ☹ [As in I feel it comes too late and is not enough]

I really don’t like that slave driver of a man. I also really don’t like that it’s happening to a woman protagonist, even if Tommy is getting the same treatment. It just… rubs me the wrong way.
I really like that Kiko went out of her way to protect Tommy.

And I wish there were a description on how she tries to talk to Blake like this bc this is just cruel. I … have a little trouble just accepting this situation. Yes she’s a prisoner and yes, Blake wants to break her spirit… but it feels hard to accept that she goes along with it after she fought so hard last chapter. Also that Blake would risk putting her out like that. She clearly is dangerous and I don’t like how this implies that he feels comfortable letting her run around his ship like this…
Also, you can see that this is draining Blake too because he needs to watch her. I find this entire arrangement … just strange.
Maybe I missed something somewhere but what is she getting out of this? Just…what is happening? [Now I’m beginning to think that I indeed missed something but I cant find it and the second someone points it out, I will be highly embarrassed]


Also… Kiko is super exhausted. I’m afraid for her, when she goes on this mission ☹

User avatar
Wolfi
Review
Wolfi wrote a review · Sat May 31, 2025 5:40 am

Hello hello!

First off, I just wanted to say - I love your username! xD I made a tater tot casserole once and it was frickin scrumptious!

Alright, let's jump into the review! Thanks so much for providing a summary at the beginning of the chapter. Helps a bunch when folks are jumping into the story without reading the previous parts (like me!).

Blake cut his eyes at her and unlocked the door

I'm not familiar with that phrase. Does it mean he looked away from her?

Blake scowled, he understood why she was refusing, but she also had to be very hungry. Was she just stubborn? Or did she just not want it?

I'm pretty sure Blake is the antagonist of this story, so it's interesting to me that we get to see his point of view here and read his thoughts!

There is plenty to be done on my ship, and I know women know how to cook and clean well.

Ew! I'd love for a break in his dialogue here to learn what Kiko thinks of this comment, if anything. For all I know, this is a well-accepted fact in their culture.

Kiko nodded and Blake stood to leave, taking the empty bowl and glass with him, locking the door behind him, and leaving her alone.

“Are you sure the dice aren’t loaded, you cheater!” John yelled. Kai shrugged with a sly grin and a hand of cards. John glared at Kai with determination.

Scene shift here! Are we following Blake out onto the deck? If so, that needs to be made clear. Between the paragraphs could be something like: "Blake climbed up from the brig and swung open the hatch leading to the deck, squinting in the late afternoon sunlight. John and Kai had struck up a game of dice."

“Don’t worry, I’m not an enemy. You can put the knife away.” Blake said, and John realized he was still pointing it at Blake.

I don't know much about Blake yet, but so far he seems... pretty decent as a person?? I mean, kidnapping Kiko so he can find her ancestor's treasure is questionable, but he was nice to her, and he's nice to his crewmates here, speaking to them candidly, as equals.

The sun was setting on the horizon and the sky turned a series of warm oranges, reds, and pinks. It was a long day for everyone, mostly for Blake and Kiko. Now, they will rest.

Lovely little paragraph <3

“I’m simply worried, that’s all. But if Blake wants to play games, I’ll play by his rules. Then, we will play by mine. No one can devoid me of my kin without serious consequences.” He said in a low tone.

So I'm already starting to like Blake, and now we have this third character in play, Noboru, and I like him so far, too! He's apparently related to Kiko in some way, interesting... I wonder if his blood could be the key in finding the treasure as well as Blake said Kiko's would be.

“Just you wait, Blake. If you harm her, you can kiss that letter of marque goodbye…”

“Keep chopping, bilge rat! Those carrots won’t cut themselves,” Clyde barked.

Another abrupt scene shift! We definitely need some sort of divider marker here. Also, lol at the prisoner's work being something as simple as cutting carrots. They are trusting her with using a knife, though - risky!

Clyde looked around, mildly impressed by her good job. “Good enough.” He said with an annoyed tone, but his eyes told the truth and Kiko smirked. “I’m sure it is.”

Make sure you start a new paragraph whenever a different character speaks!

“I’ve been watching you abuse Tommy for the last week. I’m sick of your cruelty, you are heartless and unmerciful. If it were you who made the mistake, would you like someone to harm you over something so harmless and insignificant!?” She yelled.

Clyde was fuming and shoved her away harshly.

Yesss, go Kiko! What stood out to me here though is that I doubt Clyde would let her say as much as she did without responding in some way. Here's how I'd recommend breaking it up:

“I’ve been watching you abuse Tommy for the last week," Kiko yelled. "I’m sick of your cruelty. You are heartless and unmerciful!"

Clyde, fuming, shoved her away harshly.

"If it were you who made the mistake," Kiko continued, panting with rage, "would you like someone to harm you over something so harmless and insignificant!?”

“I’ll deal with you next, rat!” Clyde barked over his shoulder, raising his hand at Tommy again.

“A black eye and bloody nose is not something I can just ignore. It is my job to make sure you really are okay rather than taking your word for it. Otherwise, what kind of captain would I be?”

See?? He is a good guy! Even for the bad apples!

“How dare you assault a member of my crew.” He growled as he stepped closer.

Tell that to Clyde, tbh.

Not only that, but you are defiant, rude, disobedient, disrespectful, lazy, and you respond on impulse rather than thinking things through, like a child. Yeah, that’s what you are, a child. You are useless to me if you are out of control, so I will teach you discipline. You are going to learn the hard way since you couldn’t learn the easy way.

Yikes!! Changing my mind about him now, ahaha. She's definitely not lazy - where's he getting that one?? This speech feels a bit... much to me when he's known her for such a short time. It feels like the kind of speech someone would have pent up inside of them for a long time, instead. As if feelings of frustration toward her were festering for a long time, but he kept pushing the oncoming confrontation away, until she really stepped over a line and he blew up in her face. You know what I mean? With their conversation at the beginning of the chapter, I didn't get the sense at all that he was particularly frustrated with her, just that she was going to be a tough one for him to crack, and he was calmly ready to accept that challenge.

Kiko’s face had gone pale as he was speaking, and she only stared at him rather than answering.

Speak up, Kiko! Tell him why you did it!

“If this is how she wants to play, then these are the rules of the game. She brought this among herself.” He said.

John shook his head, “You forced her into this to begin with.”

That's what I'm sayin, John!!

Blake came into Kiko’s cell with a bucket of ice-cold water.

Yeah okay I definitely don't like this guy anymore.

“Are you serious?” Kiko questioned but was immediately answered with a hard slap to the face.

“I’m not messing around, lass. You wanted to play this game, so play by the rules.” He said.

“What the hell was that!?” Kiko yelled and instantly Blake raised his hand again, but Kiko flinched and stepped back.

“You are learning. Now, I’d get busy if I were you.”

Yeah I REALLY don't like this guy.

He then handed her a wooden sword and gestured for her to follow him, and she did, still hilariously dripping wet.

Noooo, it's not hilarious! She's your slave and you just woke her up with a bucket of ice-cold water. Cruel, cruel man ;-;

Waaah! What a rollercoaster of emotions this chapter had me on, mostly with that Blake fellow! The synopsis told me he was the villain. The first couple scenes told me he was actually a decent person, notorious for his cunning line of work but by no means a monster. Then it was a total 180 when he became a monster and treated Kiko like garbage. There's definitely some serious complexity with his character, but the enormity of that shift does feel especially unnatural. His fellow crewmates don't seem to fear him at all, for instance. Why? He clearly has the capacity for cruelty. And why didn't Kiko even try to speak up for herself? Blake seems to value the happiness of his crew, so if he found out how Clyde was treating Tommy, he might understand where Kiko was coming from.

Blake's treatment of Kiko just feels REALLY harsh and unfair. I almost wonder if his response would've made more sense if Kiko had taken the carrot knife and seriously injured or even killed Clyde instead.

Overall though, WOW! I really, really enjoyed this chapter, and I'm honestly sad there isn't a third one published here that I can go read right now! I love the tease of what's coming up next - Kiko and her enemies working together to infiltrate the anti-pirate base!

Great work here! Keep it up!

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Eeee! I've been waiting for this! Now I just gotta find a good moment to sit and read this WONDERFUL chapter! Ahhh I can't wait to!



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Don't let fear keep you from some amazing opportunities.
— WeepingWisteria