Published January 17, 2008
She was very tall and lanky, much like a toothpick herself. Dirty blond hair and defined brown eyes glared dangerously at him; wordlessly explaining that her previous statement was not something to have a good laugh about.
Her intimidating gaze bore straight past his heard and directly to his soul which shuddered and looked for shelter as best as a soul can. Instantly, his chuckle broke off into a quick yelp of pain. He glanced at his hand, awed to find a toothpick lodged in the skin and worm red blood dripping slowly towards the ground.
Removing the sliver was no difficultly, but The Toothpick Warrior had proved her ferocity as Simon imagined a single box of toothpicks-which she undoubtedly had multiple of-under her command.
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141,288 Literary Works • 674,333 Reviews
It's very enjoyable.
Just make sure that when you post the story itself, don't make it too long, or it will drag on.
Stories like these are best kept short, in my opinion.
I'm here upon request! ^-^ How's life treating ya?
I liked this. It was fun to read and the part about having "multiple toothpicks under her command" made me giggle. Toothpick armies, how fun!
So the toothpicks are attacking baby Simon, eh? xD No...kidding...
Yes, I enjoyed this!
I liked how you referanced her to a toothpick in her body stucture. That was good. I also liked how you discribed her eyes as they were glaring, it was a very smooth tanslation and a way to get in information but you might want to spread it out a bit more with the hair...though that's not necissary, just something you can do. You spelled head heard...Also, in the last pharagraph the sliver could be said as a sliver of wood or something like that to be more descriptive. I also agree it would be nice to know their location but I can also see that this is just a short part, that maybe that was mentioned earlier. You might want to tell more of their positions, like her standing over him as he's on the floor, his hands holding him up or somethingof the like to show the toothpick warrior is 'winning' this 'battle'.
I love it, though! I love the idea of a toothpick warrior and your basic sturcture is really good! I would like to read the rest of this!
Your friend and sister - Tadatori
Wow. O_O I spelled WARM wrong *headdesk* I am such a stupid child.
uh ya... where are they in the first place? at school? tell more about the charecters, and by the way...you spelt warm wrong. you spelled it "worm."
it's was okay...
this is really short, please make it a little bit longer!
Intriguing to some extent, but I drowned in adverbs before the first paragraphs was out. Don't rely on modifiers-- use your nouns and verbs instead. But I do like the idea of someone fighting with toothpicks. Keep working on this one...
um i dont really know what to say about this...it is a bit short cant really judge character traits well. what about the setting? where are they?