I checked the times again. Three days, just a minor three days until my transformation. Three days verses my last nine months of suffering through my mortality. I turned from the calendar and faced the window that looked upon the snow covered back lawn and the forest that lay beyond. The snow taunted me at such a deep, unexplainable level that I had to turn away.
Though I turned to look at another taunting object. The staff leaned against the dresser and glowed with a soft, pulsating silver light that drew me closer. I simply touched it and I could feel the cool sensation of power slink up my mortal arm. I knew that my mortality was fading just then for no mortal could feel such a sensation with their weak senses. A small smile played on my lips. A sudden idea flooded into my mind. I closed the curtains and turned off the lights. Then I grabbed my staff and placed myself in front of the full length mirror.
The faery that stood in my place was completely gorgeous. Lit by the light from the staff, her white skin sparkled like snow. Her hair was long and made of ice crystals, making it stiff and straight. Her eyes were the color of a frozen pond and lips had a slight bluish tint, but that was not that held my attention, it was the wings that stretched from her back. The glistening wings were almost bat-like but with patterns that were almost like a moth's. The silver veins were a great contrast to their white expanse.
That's me, I thought in awe. I tried to flutter my wings but I knew the connection I used to have with them was still lost in my morality. I stayed there and admired my faery-self until I found out how foolish I was being. I put down the staff and laid down on my bed.
Just three more days until I was myself again and three more years left of my life if I didn’t complete the Task. Three days until I was a faery, three months I would be a faery, nine months I would be mortal, and three years left until my death. Three, that was all I had to remember now, three.
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138,424 Literary Works • 672,118 Reviews
I just made the story to go along with this. Here's the link:
novel.php?id=950
Thanks, I actually love Melissa Marr. I had a feeling that the last paragraph was a bit choppy but thank you for your reaction KiroSevin.
Hello I’m writerchick and I’ll be reviewing your story today
I found the concept for your story both captivating and interesting, your description was good but I agree with the other writers. I think what it lacked was volume. I think it should have been longer. With that you could've given yourself more of a chance to explain the character more and where she came from, why she is a faery and how she came to be like that. The three days, months years thing sort of confused me a bit but I think this piece has a lot of potential packed into it if you’re just willing to expand it a bit.
This was good, keep writing
This reminds me of a prologue. An excerpt from a later chapter that's used to grab you and reel you into the fascinating and wondrous world that you aren't aware of yet.
I get what you mean by wanting the raw reactions of readers for just this short piece, so here's mine: For a fantasy story, this has immense potential. It kind of reminds me of Melissa Marr's Wicked Lovely series, because of the fairy part.
I do have a suggestion though: revise the last paragraph.
It's a little confusing with all the typed out numbers and time frames (unless, of course, this would make more sense with the rest of the story, then just let it be).
Other than that, I really like this! If you post the rest as a whole, I will definitely read it.
-K7
Awesome writing style! About halfway through I was wondering if there was gonna be another part, but the way it ends is absolutely perfect. There is detail in your writing which is definitely welcome, and I enjoy how everything is related back to the number three. Great job, wouldn't mind to see another installment but am not begging for one. Actually, do another similar, unrelated story. I would love to see it.
I should have put this in the spoiler, but I leave it very vague so the reader could use their own imagination to find out what the Task is. I also know it is extremely short because I wanted to test the idea before creating the whole story. I wanted to get other peoples idea what the Task would be so that I could use that in the possible story. No, this isn't a complete excuse it was a motive for why I did that. But I thank all of you for your take and I'm sorry I forgot to make it clear. I'll put it in before the story so it is easier to understand. With the reactions on it so far I might just turn it into a story-it's been haunting my head since three weeks before the winter solstice (hint, hint)- but thank you all for your opinions! I shall try to turn it into a descriptive story. But again, thank you all and I am sorry for the confusion.
-T
Hey there, Tpak!
I like this bit, it's neat to see the way your character takes in the whole transformation thing. Although it was an interesting passage I couldn't full grasp the whole meaning behind it. I get what's going on and why you decided to put in Three as the title but maybe you should give us more information about your character and the setting. Right now, this isn't a story, it's more like a...scene, a passage a block of nicely written text. You had some nice description but it wasn't enough. I felt like I needed more from you and that's what held it back. If you try making this into more of a story than a passage, I think it might help elevate the whole plot thing here. Give us a character, a problem, a solution a goal and make a story out of it. I think it can be done because I like the three years of life thing here.
^.^)b
-Pink
I agree with Zig. It was crammed and just didn't feel connected to us. Along with that, it just didn't feel complete. I think putting more into this and giving it more depth would help. Also, the beginning was confusing. It's a good hook to grab at our curiosity, but leaving us in the dark for so long just makes us slowly draw away from the story. This wasn't bad, but it could be better.
Keep writing,
StoryWeaver
Hello there
I think this would be better if you expanded it a bit more. It's a great concept, it just lacks detail because you crammed everything into one place. Also, there was very little connection towards the reader. Expand it, get more detail in there and involve me. This also looked like a half finished story when I got to the end. The first three paragraphs I had no idea what was going on until I read it again, which is not supposed to happen that far into the story. As I said before, lovely concept, it just needs some justice. Your writing style is great and has a lot of potential. Now use it to turn this story into something special.
Keep writing and good luck!
Is there like another part to this story? I was confused on what was going on and there was a ton that you left out. Are you planning on doing another part, or was this just an idea that came to your mind that you wanted to post?
I like the story itself and your writing. I didn't notice any grammar errors and I love your use of descriptions.
I hope you keep writing and post more of this if nessacary.